The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for October 2007

The Home Office

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In my line of work I work out of more than one office. At times the nomadic nature of this sort of employment can be tiresome. There is something to be said for establishing one central base, but then again most of the time I enjoy the changes. It makes it easier to keep things fresh.

One of my offices is a home office. While it can be quite nice to go to work wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top it brings with it a unique set of challenges that I call “The children.”

When the kids are in school it is normally pretty easy. I just bear down and do what I need to do. However on days when they are home it can be really tough. The house isn’t big enough to carve out the space I really want. At this time it is just not possible to work in a separate wing with a closed door.

I have a short term solution that I want to implement. I need a wireless connection so that I can wander through the house as necessary. It won’t fix everything, but it should give me enough space that I can work without constant interruption.

Profanity- The Children Learn New Words

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Writing Books

My father says that no one could swear as well or as colorfully as my grandfather. Years in the carnival business, as a soldier and a streetwise kid in Chicago gave him quite the vocabulary. Mind you, I can’t remember hearing my grandfather swear in front of me until I was a teenager.
He had great command of the language and didn’t curse unless there was a purpose.

But when he did engage the more colorful side of his oratory skills it was fun to listen to. He could go on for a solid half hour and never repeat himself. This is one area that I can’t compete with him. I have my share of expressions that I use and I like to think that I use them well.

I’d like to say that my children have never heard me utter a foul word, but the rules of the blog forbid lying. So I will readily confess to upon occasion having exposed them to a few words that I’d rather they not use. Until recently I could count on three fingers the number of times they had used any sort of profanity.

Yesterday things changed. As I was getting onto the freeway I found myself stuck behind a driver who refused to drive faster than 30 MPH. She is an accident waiting to happen and it was only dumb luck that prevented us from being struck by other drivers on the fabulous 405.

Needless to say as we rode behind this woman not only did I apply my horn I used a number of different words such as %&$#^&%, $$^&$^%^&# and %&## to express my displeasure.

Once we were safely ensconced in our lane I apologized to the children and explained that I had made a mistake in using those words. My son surprised me by agreeing with me.

“Dad, you did make a mistake. You should have said something else.”

“Oh?” “What do you think I should have said?”

And then from the seat behind my own I heard a soft voice say “you should have said suck my dick.”

After I picked my jaw up from the steering wheel I asked him to tell me where he had learned that particular expression.

“John’s older brother taught us.”

John is the 15 year-old older sibling of one of my son’s good friends. I may swear upon the odd occasion, but I have never used that expression in front of the children.

So I told my son that this wasn’t something that I wanted him to say and then I asked him if he understood what it meant. When he told me that he didn’t understand I breathed a sigh of relief and then pondered how to respond.

I didn’t really want to explain what it meant. He is still young enough that he doesn’t really need to know this, but at the same time I did say that he shouldn’t use words/expressions without knowing what it means.

I’ll have to share that part of the conversation with you all later.

Japanese Crime Stopping Tools

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This article in the NY Times caught my eye. Credit for the picture also goes to the Times.

TOKYO, Oct. 19 — On a narrow Tokyo street, near a beef bowl restaurant and a pachinko parlor, Aya Tsukioka demonstrated new clothing designs that she hopes will ease Japan’s growing fears of crime.

Deftly, Ms. Tsukioka, a 29-year-old experimental fashion designer, lifted a flap on her skirt to reveal a large sheet of cloth printed in bright red with a soft drink logo partly visible. By holding the sheet open and stepping to the side of the road, she showed how a woman walking alone could elude pursuers — by disguising herself as a vending machine.

The wearer hides behind the sheet, printed with an actual-size photo of a vending machine. Ms. Tsukioka’s clothing is still in development, but she already has several versions, including one that unfolds from a kimono and a deluxe model with four sides for more complete camouflaging.

These elaborate defenses are coming at a time when crime rates are actually declining in Japan. But the Japanese, sensitive to the slightest signs of social fraying, say they feel growing anxiety about safety, fanned by sensationalist news media. Instead of pepper spray, though, they are devising a variety of novel solutions, some high-tech, others quirky, but all reflecting a peculiarly Japanese sensibility.

Take the “manhole bag,” a purse that can hide valuables by unfolding to look like a sewer cover. Lay it on the street with your wallet inside, and unwitting thieves are supposed to walk right by. There is also a line of knife-proof high school uniforms made with the same material as Kevlar, and a book with tips on how to dress even the nerdiest children like “pseudohoodlums” to fend off schoolyard bullies.

There are pastel-colored cellphones for children that parents can track, and a chip for backpacks that signals when children enter and leave school.

The devices’ creators admit that some of their ideas may seem far-fetched, especially to crime-hardened Americans. And even some Japanese find some of them a tad naïve, possibly reflecting the nation’s relative lack of experience with actual street crime. Despite media attention on a few sensational cases, the rate of violent crime remains just one-seventh of America’s.

I see more than one problem with these hiding places. For example, the feet protruding from the bottom of the fake vending machine. The whole idea gives off a Scooby Doo or Three Stooges kind of feel to it.