The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for July 2008

A Walk Through The Mall Part II

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A quick comment about this post. Given the activities of the past day I hesitated on writing such fluff but decided that it was time for something a bit lighter. For more background you can read Walking Through The Mall Part I.

As you may recall on my way through the parking lot I encountered a number of different people. The last was the Crazy Broad whose driving skills rivaled a drunk blind man. The brief transcript of our conversation doesn’t quite do justice to her, or should I say that it doesn’t begin to describe how fast she spoke.

Her comments came out in great bursts that were accompanied by exaggerated hand gestures. I imagine that had I grabbed her hands it would have served the same function as a mute button, but I digress.

In spite of the challenges presented by the various denizens who haunt the parking lot I managed to enter the mall. Once inside I strode purposefully towards Macys. I knew that somewhere inside the belly of the beast I’d find what I had come for.

What I didn’t count on was being waylaid again and again by mall people. More specifically I was captured by different members of the Salesraeli tribe. In spite of my best efforts to avoid them their tractor beams grabbed a hold of my ship and pulled me in.

Salesraeli: Sir, do you have a girlfriend?
Me: I have many friends who are girls.

Salesraeli: Have you ever thought about getting them a very nice gift?
Me: I give them the gift of me.

Salesraeli: Look at these products. They are amazing. They are from an amazing place called The Dead Sea.
Me: You want me to give them something that will kill them. Why? Do you want to be my girlfriend?

Salesraeli: Sir, you are very funny.
Me: So is George Carlin, but he is dead now.

Salesraeli: I don’t understand.
Me: Neither do I. What are we talking about.

Salesraeli: Sir, let me show you what these amazing products can do for your nails.
Me: Wow, you are right. That is amazing. The nail that I chew on is really shiny.

Salesraeli: Your girlfriend will love it.
Me: How do you know?

Salesraeli: Because I am a woman and we like to look beautiful.
Me: Wait, are you going to ask me if those jeans make you look fat.

Salesraeli: Look what else I have for you. Amazing mud from the Dead Sea.
Me: Give me a hose and some dirt and I can make amazing mud from America.

Salesraeli: Dead Sea mud is different.
Me: Because it is dead.

Salesraeli: No, because it has special things in it that help your skin.
Me: Boy, I should really give her a special gift for her skin.

Salesraeli: If you buy this for your girlfriend she’ll give you a special gift.
Me: I don’t know.

Salesraeli: This normally sales for $50.00, but for you I’ll give you a special price.
Me: Ok, how does five bucks sound.

Salesraeli: Sir, you really do like to play jokes.
Me: I stopped playing jokes years ago. Too hard on the remains of my intellect.

Salesraeli: I am sorry, sometimes my English is not too good.
Me: That is ok, sometimes my Hebrew isn’t too good.

Oy, this is too painful to continue. Perhaps we’ll pick it up at a later date.

More On Murderer’s Injustice

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Shira has done a nice job of putting together a roundup of thoughts about the shameful release of those murderers today.

I’ll add Seraphic Secret’s post “Swap Teaches Us to Kidnap More” to the mix.

In my initial post about this And Murderers Are Set Free I voiced some of my disgust and distaste about the shameful behavior of the Israeli government in releasing these murderers.

I very badly for the Goldwasser and Regev families, but the government had solid intelligence that suggested that they were dead a long time ago. The confirmation of their deaths is a tragedy that is multiplied by the release of those who wish to murder again.

From CNN:

Once in Beirut, convicted murderer Samir Kuntar — who was the longest-held Lebanese prisoner in Israel — told a crowd of thousands he’d continue to fight for the liberation of the Palestinian territories.

“I return today from Palestine, but believe me, I return to Lebanon only in order to return to Palestine,” Kuntar said.

There you go Israel, he has made another blood oath. Fulfill your responsibility to your people and to your citizens and take him out before he has a chance to do anything.

Uphold your obligation and do the right thing. Men such as him forfeit their rights to life.

And Murderers Are Set Free

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Ynet reports:

The bodies Israel Defense Forces soldiers Eldad Regev and Ehud Goldwasser were handed over to the Red Cross on the Lebanese side of the border at around 9 am Wednesday, more than two years after they were kidnapped into Lebanon on July 12, 2006.

The prisoner exchange deal with Hizbullah was executed following months of German mediation, and after the government ratified the deal and President Shimon Peres pardoned Lebanese murderer Samir Kuntar.

Kuntar will return to Lebanon along with four other Lebanese prisoners, as well as the bodies of 199 Hizbullah members.

My heart goes out to the Goldwasser and Regev families.

It is a sad day when murderers are pardoned and given license to walk freely among us all. It is a sad day when those who rejoice in evil deeds and revel in the blood of the innocent stroll out of prison.

There was a time when I believed that if we only treated people with respect and dignity they would extend the same courtesy to us. It made sense to me. Be nice and others will be nice to you.

But it is a fantasy that doesn’t extend to the real world. Evil exists. There are far too many examples of people who do not feel, who are capable of doing horrible things that you and I could never imagine.

We can review serial killers. We can talk about Ted Bundy, Richard Ramirez, John Wayne Gacy, BTK etc. We can look at examples of leaders such as Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot etc.

The truth is out there. And that sad and lamentable truth is that there are those who will kill you and your family without compunction. You don’t let these people go. You don’t set them free. You don’t give them the ability to hurt others.

It is not smart. It is not wise and it is most definitely not humane. Save your sympathy for others. Save your tears for those who deserve them. There are monsters who walk the earth during the day and the night and Israel just released some of them.

Bleeding from The Mouth

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It was hard trying to sneak into the house without being seen. I didn’t have to look in the mirror to know that my appearance would scare the hell out everyone. My clothes were torn, my body was bruised and battered and I had one hell of a bruise across my face.

At least I think that it is one bruise, it could be two or three. I am not really sure. I can’t tell you how many times I was hit or with what. I know for sure that one of them was holding something in his fist.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am relatively fearless about visiting the ATM. I’ll go at any time of day or night. I have always believed that attitude serves as an unseen bodyguard. I am not a victim. I won’t ever be a victim and if you challenge me on that I will make you regret it.

Still I am not a complete idiot. There are times and places that I won’t frequent it. But I never guess that they would have been so brazen. It was around 3:15 or so in the middle of the afternoon.

As I approached the ATM I made a point of looking around to see if there was any reason to be concerned. I saw a car full of guys but didn’t pay much attention to them. They were too busy eating burgers and laughing. It never occurred to me that they might be interested in using me as an easy source of cash.

I am not quite sure exactly what happened, but I can give you an approximation. I had just finished taking my cash from the machine and was putting it in my pocket when I felt something slam into the middle of my back. The force of it slammed me into the wall and I fell down.

Down on all fours I was trying to figure out what had happened. When people talk about getting their bell rung, they are referring what happened to me. As I tried to gather myself I felt someone stick a hand in my right front pocket. That was a big mistake for them or lucky for me, I’ll let you make the call.

I’d like to say that it was like the movies and that I stood up and mopped the floor with them, but that is not true. I pulled on their arm and rolled onto my right side pinning the arm beneath me. That’s when I felt the another set of hands start pounding on my head.

So I tucked my chin and started abusing the body that was attached to the arm I was holding onto. At some point I turned or rolled and saw the waist of the guy who was pounding on me. I reached out and took his balls in my hand and did my best to remove them from his body.

It had the desired affect and he stopped hitting me long enough for me to stand up. At this point I had no clue how many people I was fighting, could be one, could be two, could be seven. All I knew was that I was getting my ass kicked and I was more than angry.

They tried to bear hug me from behind, another mistake. I threw my body backwards and slammed him into a car. There was a loud grunt and as he let go I turned around to face him.

Again, I’d like to say that this was the time when the good guy (me) took care of business. That is the way it works in the movies. Not only would I have beaten the crap out of these thugs I would have left them lying in a nice little heap ready to be hauled off to jail.

It didn’t quite happen like that. When I turned to face the guy I had time to hit him twice. The first shot was beautiful. I can guarantee that it will be a long time before he is able to eat a steak. The second wasn’t half bad either. He’ll remember me.

And I of course will remember the asshole that hit me from behind again and again. Didn’t knock me out. Didn’t break any bones or cause any major damage other than my ego. I wanted a shot at him. I wanted an opportunity to square off face to face.

He deserved to be rewarded with the gift of five fingers, but it didn’t really happen like that. I was too busy covering up, trying to see that I didn’t end up in the hospital.

And so it was that a short time later I showed up at my house, bleeding from the mouth and in a rage. They hadn’t taken any of my cash. I am nothing if not stubborn, relentless in my pursuit of what I want.

But I have to wonder if the pain I suffered was worth the hundred bucks they would have taken. Aww fuck it! It absolutely was. If I have any regrets it is that I didn’t put leave them in need of the kind of care the VA specializes in.

And on a side note the interesting thing about this is that it released a slew of memories. The guy that I used to be had a couple of fights here and there. As I stand here looking in the mirror it is like traveling back in time.

The glint in my eyes is back. It is not a happy glint, nor a sad one. It is angry and forbidding. It is my don’t fuck with me look. It is my I almost hope you push me too far look.

Maybe I haven’t grown up at all. Maybe I am still that angry kid. Or maybe I am not. What I fear now is not the future, that is too far away. No, what I fear now is what the morning will bring.

At 25 it was more than a little painful to wake up the day after. Now it is going to be miserable.