Strange Side Effects

Several people have recommended that the best way to pass the time on a long flight is to sleep your way through it. Now I have to admit that there is a certain attraction to this.

I remember one flight to Israel in which I got to watch Forest Gump about 1,293,098 times. It was just great. Nice plane, with the personal movie screen on the seatback in front of me. It was kind of cool to have my own personal screen, until I heard “Run Forest Run!” so many times that my legs began to twitch.

So I spent a few minutes considering the advantages of taking an Ambien. As I mulled it over I wondered if there was a way to try and program my brain to dream about a particular topic or two. If I was going to sleep for that long it might be kind of nice to really enjoy my dreams.

Now mind you, I am renowned for snoring. There are even a few rumors that the primary reason why a relationship or two ended was because of my ability to imitate a chainsaw.

Anyhoo, I decided to do a little research on the drug and came across this:

17.2 Sleep-driving and other complex behaviorsThere have been reports
of people getting out of bed after taking a sedative-hypnotic and driving their
cars while not fully awake, often with no memory of the event. If a patient
experiences such an episode, it should be reported to his or her doctor
immediately, since “sleep-driving” can be dangerous.This behavior is more likely
to occur when Ambien is taken with alcohol or other central nervous system
depressants [see Warnings and Precautions (5.3)] Other complex behaviors (e.g.,
preparing and eating food, making phone calls or having sex) have been reported
in patients who are not fully awake after taking a sedative-hypnotic. As with
“sleep-driving” patients usually do not remember these events.

That’s quite a mouthful. Sleep driving and other complex behaviors, such as preparing food and or having sex. If I take one of these things do I risk finding out later on that I engaged in a little sleep flying, had a quickie with a flight attendant and then capped it all off by cooking a little meal in the galley.

Aside from the general creepy factor, what would this do to my fragile ego if I found out that I was more fun while not fully awake. It might be more than a bit upsetting.

OTOH, maybe I could get a do-over on some things. “Sorry about that, I was taking a sedative-hypnotic and just wasn’t myself. But, it really was the greatest five minutes of your life, was it not.”

I suppose that I’ll leave this ridiculous scenario where it belongs, in some crazy screenplay. I think that I’ll take a pass on the good old sedative-hypnotic and travel the old fashioned way. I’ll do my best to get a little shut eye and hope not to wake up in an embarrassing pile of drool.

Isn’t airplane travel just the best.

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