Sex And Marriage- They have It Every Day
Believe it or not, I sometimes choose not to blog about a topic or decide that I need to rethink a post. When that happens I save it as a draft with the intention to revisit it later on. Every now and then I forget to revisit the draft and the post languishes in limbo.
Anyhoo, I just “discovered” this half finished post and from June and decided to finish it and share it with you.
The New York Times is running an article about a couple of married couples and their experience having sex every day. It generated some discussion among various people I know so I thought that I’d throw it out here. So let’s grab a couple of excerpts from the article.
“Or would you turn to your mate and say, â€œHoney, you know, Iâ€™ve been thinking. Why donâ€™t we do it for the next 365 days in a row?â€
Thatâ€™s more or less what happened to Charla and Brad Muller. And in another example of an erotic adventure supplanting married ennui, a second couple, Annie and Douglas Brown, embarked on a similar, if abbreviated journey: 101 straight days of post-nuptial sex.
Both couples document their exploits in books published this month, the latest entries in what is almost a mini-genre of books offering advice about the â€œsex-starved marriage.â€ The couples, though, are hardly similar. The Mullers are Bible-studying steak-eating Republicans from Charlotte, N.C. The Browns are backpacking multigrain northerners who moved to Boulder, Colo.”
I suspect that for a basic need like sex we’d find more similarities among people than differences. Although I would imagine that culture plays a big role. The emphasis added in the next excerpt is my own.
“According to a 2004 study, â€œAmerican Sexual Behavior,â€ by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, married couples have intercourse about 66 times a year. But that number is skewed by young marrieds, as young as 18, who couple, on average, 109 times a year.
Either way, those statistics put the Mullers and Browns in Olympic-record territory. That they thought a sex marathon would reinvigorate their marriages might say as much about the American penchant for exercise and goal-setting as it does about the state of romance.
But the couples may also be on to something. â€œThereâ€™s a strong relationship between rating your marriage as happy and frequency of intercourse,â€ said Tom W. Smith, who conducted the â€œAmerican Sexual Behaviorâ€ study. â€œWhat we canâ€™t tell you is what the causal relationship is between the two. We donâ€™t know whether people who are happy in their marriage have sex more, or whether people who have sex more become happy in their marriages, or a combination of those two.â€
I can’t say that I find that last ‘graph to be particularly surprising or insightful. Not trying to be snarky, but it straddles the fence a bit too strongly for my taste.
This made sense to me:
“Charla Muller and Annie Brown both talk about how mandated physical intimacy created more emotional intimacy. â€œIt required a daily kindness and forgiveness, and not being cranky or snarky, that I donâ€™t think either of us had experienced before,â€ Charla said.
Annie said that she and her husband reached a place in their relationship that they have seldom approached since. â€œIt was just this intense closeness,â€ she said. â€œWe were so aware of wherever the other person was mentally and emotionally and physically.â€
What do you think?