Earlier this week my son told me that he had decided that he and I are going to have to fight Darth Maul. He outlined a plan of action and gave me a list of duties that I am supposed to fill. It is hard enough to be a father without being told that I have to become a Jedi master.
Although I suppose that there are a lot of perks to being a jedi. Come to think of it I can think of a number of situations in which using the Jedi mind trick would be useful. Would have done wonders for me back in college. I could illustrate it more graphically, but that would deprive you of the chance to use your imagination.
In the days in which I drove a Camaro it would have been really useful. Just picture the police speaking with me.
Officer: Sir I pulled you over because you were speeding.
Jack: I was not speeding.
Officer: You were not speeding.
Jack: I need a police escort. You will arrange to clear traffic in front of me.
Officer: I will clear traffic in front of you.
Jack: You will arrest my statistics professor.
Officer: I will arrest your statistics professor.
Jack: About this time I’d probably let out a maniacal laugh.
Oh, if only I could really make that work. I love the possibilities. Anyway, this weekend I get to practice my fighting skills so that we can defeat Darth Maul. It sounds kind of fun, but I think that I need to make sure that my son understands that grace is not something that you associate with me.
Jedis are smooth and fluid fighters. I am not. I am more of the bull-in-the-china shop variety. If I were in a Western the guy I was fighting would be flung through the window or over the bar. In fact I might even go with him.
There is no doubt that I’d win the fight. In the end it would appear that I did so quite handily, at least to myself. To the rest of you I’d be covered in sweat and dust. My clothes would be torn and I’d probably have a bunch of scrapes and bruises. But I’d be able to say that I look better than that other guy.
I may pick this thread up later and flesh it out some more. I can see plenty of material to talk about “Jack, the Jedi.”
For those of you who don’t know who Darth Maul is you can watch the video below.