A Few Yom Kippur Mumblings

It is several hours now since I broke my fast and I’d like to say that I feel spiritually cleansed, But the reality is that I have an icepick shoved halfway up my right nostril and there is a broken broom handle protruding from a place it doesn’t belong.

I suppose that is rather graphic, but it accurately describes the affect of having intentionally ignored the joy of my caffiene addiction. I had tried to plan for this, really I had, er did. I cut down on the coffee and refused to drink any on Sunday. It wasn’t easy, lately that cup of Joe has brought the sort of smile to my face that intimate contact would.

Really, I have had some amazing cups and I have thoroughly enjoyed them, but I digress.

Anyhoo, for those of you who have never experienced a day like this let me share a little bit about it. People who fast have dragon breath and short tempers. It is not really surprising. If you don’t feed the animals we get cranky.

And the lack of food/water creates a lovely condition called Halitosis that would be perfect for warfare. In fact one of the men I spoke with today should report immediately to the Pentagon or CDC and offer his services. His breath burned my beard right off of my face and rendered six senior citizens unconscious.

I did my usual bit of leining Torah. The Dark haired Beauty cheered me on again. That sweet little girl made me smile. When I started doing this a thousand years ago I had no idea that one day my children would be there to see me.

There being there is not the reason why I do it, but it is real bonus. I especially appeciate the commentary from “Little Jack” who told me that I was so loud I woke up the guy who was sleeping. Speaking of which should I ever decide to get smicha and become a pulpit rabbi I won’t let my congregants sleep.

No sir, fall asleep while I am talking and you become the poster boy, literally. I’ll hand out sharpies and watch people decorate you. Ok, I wouldn’t really do that. But I might make you wear a funny hat or wave a chicken over your head. Who knows.

And how was your Yom Kippur?

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