“I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I’m the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a…
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone
Boulevard of Broken Dreams- Green Day
“I said Georgia,
Ooh Georgia, no peace I find
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind
Other arms reach out to me
Other eyes smile tenderly
Still in peaceful dreams I see
The road leads back to you”
Georgia On My Mind- Ray Charles
Some people fear the twilight. It is that time that follows the sunset in which the earth is no longer bathed in sunshine nor completely cloaked in darkness. Twilight plays tricks upon our senses. Things that were clear become obscured in the haze and that which was well defined minutes before appears to morph into something other than what it was.
Many authors like to use twilight as a metaphor for the end of life. I don’t. I see it for what it is. An apt description for the harder times in my life. Twilight is what I find myself living in. A time in which I can’t quite make out the path in front of me, but I try.
I squint and stare at the shapes that appear before me, do what I can not to trip over them. In the haze that has fallen across the land I find my imagination running wild. I am the captain of my ship sailing across a foggy sea. I feel the rise and fall of the ship beneath me and peer off into the distance for danger. The ghosts of the deep bear witness to my passing. I feel them staring at me but I can’t discern whether they stand in silent approval or disdain.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I let go of the wheel and let the sea guide me to where it will. Am I to be a modern version of Icarus. A man who is punished for flying too high and comes plummeting back to earth. Or perhaps it is to be the new Odysseus.
Odysseus, the king who fought in the Trojan war and then spent a decade being tossed about before he was able to return home. Odysseus who was forced to fight a million battles to return to the love of his life.
You can guess which I like better, Odysseus may walk through hell, but he survives as opposed to Icarus who plummets to his death. And presumably having survived many adventures Odysseus comes home a much wiser man.
Sometimes the hardest part about living life in twilight is that you don’t learn the answers to your questions until you have hit the point of no return. You either do or do not, there is no try, or so sayeth Master Yoda. Will you have the courage to run through the fields of fire or will you hide from the flames.
So I wander through the dark and follow a path I can barely see. Alone in the dark my face is scratched by the occasional branch and every so often I stub my toe. I stumble more times than I care to admit but I never quite fall.
Sooner or later I’ll be on the other side. Sooner or later the moon will rise and light the night sky. And when it does I’ll stop and stare. I’ll say a quiet prayer and move on in the hope that when I get to the other side I’ll find my shadow waiting.