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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for May 2010

Learn Something New Each Day- LOST Edition

May 24, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

It has become a cliche of sorts to teach your children to try and learn something new each day. It is the kind of thing that some people say without any real regard for what it means. It is not so different from people who ask how you are doing but are truly uninterested in your response.

I am not one of those people. I don’t say that to make myself look good but because I don’t ask you how you are doing unless I want to know. I am a grouchy old man who doesn’t care whether you like me or not. Social pleasantries are for the kind and dimwitted. Unfortunately I am merely dimwitted and bereft of the kindness gene.

Anyhoo, the series finale for LOST has come and gone and though it didn’t hit the mark that I hoped that it would it did serve as a good teaching tool for myself. I expect that it will help me to achieve some of my goals.

I am a guy who dreams of being a minstrel or bard, a traveling storyteller who can spin a good yarn and then sing a song or two about life. Now I may never become the bard, but I think that I can become the published author. I have a few books living inside my head. I have a few screenplays too. They need to be written. They need to be turned into something tangible that doesn’t exist solely in the province of my dreams.

One of the tools that I am using to help me take them from fantasy to reality is this blog. I write a lot of fiction, quite a bit of which is never published here. I rarely edit it and more often than not I compose it on the fly.

The finale made me realize that I have to rework my approach. The finale fell short because it left too many questions unanswered and because they took the easy way out. I don’t want to do that. I want to be better. So if I want to avoid falling into those traps I think that I am going to have to create an outline and or mental map of what I want to happen.

I need to spend some time developing the characters and the challenges they face. It is a little bit foreign to me to do so. I really do prefer to work things the way that I always have. But then again if you do things the same way every time than you should expect to get the same results.

It is a lesson that I have already shared with my kids. Now it is time for their dad to do a better job of living it.

Filed Under: Children, Life

The Lost Series Finale

May 24, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

It is a few minutes after 1 A.M and Jack the vampire boy is wide awake and thinking about the LOST series finale. I watched every episode of that show from start to finish. I wouldn’t identify myself as one of the hardcore fans who followed it with religious adoration, but I was a regular.

A regular who very much enjoyed the series and found many of the episodes to be outstanding. Not just outstanding but intriguing. They did what a good show is supposed to do, they drew me in and made me feel. They engaged my mind and made me ask questions about what was happening. In that respect I am sure that I was quite similar to millions of other fans.

So while I was sorry to see the show end I was pleased to have the opportunity to have those questions answered. As the the final episodes ticked away I grew more interested and more intrigued by what the finale would share with us.

And I prayed that it wouldn’t fall into the same trap as The Sopranos Finale. Ok, it is an exaggeration to say that I prayed for something better, but I was hopeful that the writers would find a way to end it that left some of the magic intact.

Unfortunately it fell just short of the mark. It was great until the final ten minutes and then the writers succumbed to the easy way out. That ending was far too predictable and quite unsatisfying. To me it wasn’t much different from a thousand episodes of Gilligan’s Island.

Every week the castaways would discover a way to get off of the island and every week their escape/rescue would be foiled by Gilligan making some bumble headed mistake. I wanted more out of it. As a writer and a fan I wanted more, but I didn’t get it.

Granted I recognize that it is not always easy to take a story and thread the needle the way this one needed to be threaded. My own fiction is riddled with inconsistencies, cliches and weak plot lines that could use polishing and development. One of my concerns with writing a book is that I don’t fall into that cesspool of ridiculous writing.

But then again I am not paid a very healthy salary to work as a writer. I like to think that if I was I could do better. I like to think that I would have found a way not to take the easy way out. I like to think that I wouldn’t have opted for the choice that they made.

Or so I think. I am sure that many others will consider the finale to be a masterpiece. They won’t be bothered as I am or concerned because it didn’t answer as many questions as I would have liked.

In any case I am appreciative of the time and effort that cast and crew put in. They did a good job of entertaining us and that is worth more than a little.

Filed Under: Television

Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #12

May 23, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

2010 is the year of the daddy blogger and as such it is time again for the Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience. Here we are in week 12 of our ongoing journey throughout the daddy blogosphere. A collection of thoughts and ideas that are produced and reproduced by the male of the species.

While you are under no obligation to link, tweet or engage in any sort of promotion about the festival it is greatly appreciated when you do. And now on with the show.That’s it for now. This shouldn’t be considered a complete list of the many fine daddy bloggers, but it does provide a small glimpse into our world.

“…in one way or another all men are mad. Many are mad for money…Love is a madness…it can grow to a frenzy of despair … All the whole list of desires, predilections, aversions, ambitions, passions, cares, griefs, regrets, remorses, are incipience madness, and ready to grow, spread and consume, when the occasion comes. There are no healthy minds, and nothing saves any man but accident–the accident of not having his malady put to the supreme test.
One of the commonest forms of madness is the desire to be noticed, the pleasure derived from being noticed. Perhaps it is not merely common, but universal.”
– “The Memorable Assassination”  Mark Twain

Almighty Dad: Sometimes Your Kid Just Wants a Hug: Give it to Him
Random Thoughts:If You Died, Who Would Take Care Of Your Children
Clark Kent’s Lunchbox: My Urologist Is The Smoke Monster
Dad Revolution:Tips for summer outings with a baby or toddler
Howefitz Blog:An Idiot’s Guide To Australia (Plus, A Sweet as Sugar Milk Contest)
A Dad’s Heart:“The Evolution of Dad” — A Review
Undaddy: No one is available to take your call
Daddy Files: My Son, The Devil 
Random Thoughts: The Rules of Blogging- How To Make Money Part 1
NY Dad: Spring Cleaning
And Triplets Make Six: 15-Lovie
Dadwagon: A Week on the Wagon: Sherlock Holmes Edition 
Cute Monster: Empire Strikes Back 30th Anniversar…
Rebel Dad: Odds and Ends (and Turnabout)
Dad-o-Matic: Cast of Dads #19: U CAN Touch This
Luke, I am Your Father: Working the Heavy Bag
Wrath66: When BBG! Says, “Jump!”
Ed@Home Dad: Saturday Storytime 3 (The Frog Princess
DC Urban Dad:I suck
Real Men Drive Minivans:Orange we glad scurvy’s not an issue
Mocha Dad: Art Imitates Life
Busy Dad:Oh Baby Girl!
Techydad: Aloha Friday: Cooking with Kids
SAHD in Lansing:Fatherhood Friday: World Cup Fantasy Tournament for Charity
SAHDPDX: Throw Back: Fake it until you make it
The Father Life:[LUDWIG@HOME] A Guy’s Guide to Breastfeeding
Musings From the Big Pink: Death Of A Vacation
Us and Them: Don’t Stick Your Finger In There!
Why is Daddy Crying:Heroes
Diary Of A new Dad: Week Twenty: Over the hill
Busy D-E: The Church Heckler: Strangers With Toys
Being Michael’s Daddy:Quest For Food
Dear Mr. Man: One Word Wednesday
Smonk You:You were wrong Mr. Smith…boys do cry
The Daddy Yo Blog:Letter to Caleb: Happy Birthday Son!

If you like what you see here then please consider becoming a fan of the blog. Have additional questions/comments? Send me an email at talktojacknow-at-gmail-dot-com.

Prior Editions:

Festival Of The Fathers- A Blog Experience
Festival of The Fathers- A Blog Experience Part 2
Festival Of The Fathers- A Blog Experience Part III
Festival Of The Fathers- A Blog Experience Part 4
Festival Of The Fathers- A Blog Experience Part 5
Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #6
Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #7
Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #8
Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #9
Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #10
Festival of Fathers- A Blog Experience #11

Filed Under: Festival of Fathers

The Best of Jewish/Israeli Blogosphere

May 23, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

The Rebbetzin’s Husband has put together a great carnival for your reading pleasure. Go read Haveil Havalim 268 – The Victoria Day Edition!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

You "Do" For Family

May 21, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

“When you get an exasperating letter what happens? If you are young, you answer it promptly, instantly–and mail the thing you have written. At forty what do you do? By that time you have found out that a letter written in passion is a mistake in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred.”
– Mark Twain, a Biography

“An old, cold letter ….makes you wonder how you could ever have got into such a rage about nothing.”
– Mark Twain, a Biography

My paternal grandfather is certainly one of my heroes.  In a month it will be four years since he died and I miss him as much now as I ever have. It is still strange to me that he has already missed out on sharing so many monumental events. It is sometimes hard to hear my daughter say that she doesn’t remember him at all.

If you show her his picture she can tell you who he is but nothing more than that. Neither of the kids have a clear understanding of just how much influence he had upon my life and why I hold on so tightly to the memories. That is ok, I don’t expect it of them.

Lately I have been thinking about him more frequently. Much of that can be attributed to various events that have taken place, some good and some bad. But all of them enough to merit my wanting to talk to him about it. It would be nice to share some of the good things and to get his advice on the trickier items.

I don’t have to close my eyes to hear him tell me that it is not smart to let your temper make decisions for you or that you can’t screw an old head on young shoulders. Not hard for me to remember him teaching me how to throw a punch or that putting a roll of quarters in your fist is an effective way to add a little kick to your punch.

Grandpa was a character of the first order and a man who understood that sometimes you “do” for family. It is a lesson that I am passing along to my children. They need to understand that “doing” for your family is something that isn’t always an option. Things happen and sometimes you adjust your schedule to take care of your siblings, parents, cousins or uncles.

We have conversations about this, the children and I. We talk about what helping out means and why it doesn’t always make sense to throw money at a problem. We talk about how actions are important and what that means.

My daughter says that she is not afraid because she knows that I will protect her. Her big brother corrects her and says that “dad will protect everyone, including his parents and sisters.” It leads into a back and forth between the two of them about what I will do and whether I would kill people who want to hurt the family.

For a moment I am silent, grateful that they feel this support. Grateful that they announce that they will do the same for me, but not until I really old, maybe in my fifties.

Sitting alongside them I wonder if I need to say more about it. I don’t really like this talk about killing. They are right about one thing, I am the guy who will protect them. Jump in front of the bus, run into a burning building or take a bullet. To quote Superchicken, I knew the job was dangerous when I took it.

Of course I’ll do it. Just ask my sisters and then tell you that I have spent the last 39 years looking out for them, whether they wanted it or not. Grandpa and my dad bear some of the responsibility for that. Now I can’t help it, it is innate this desire to watch out for them.

But it is hard not to feel a little bit badly about this. She is short of six and he is almost ten and they are aware that there are bad people. Before we go to crowded places we have the conversation about being careful to stay together. I rarely say anything about bad things happening. I just say that I don’t want them to get lost, but invariably one of them will mention not wanting bad people to take them.

It is a sad commentary, their awareness. Fortunately they don’t walk around exhibiting signs of paranoia or fear. They aren’t afraid to go out in public, just cautious about who, when and where. Not such a bad thing.

The telephone rings and I answer. I hear my son say that “dad is angry.” My daughter agrees and tries to ask me what is going on. My sister is on the line telling me about a situation she is involved in. I am not angry with her and I am not about to share the story with my kids. It is none of their business and there is no reason for them to be involved.

I give my sister some advice and offer further assistance if she needs it. It surprises me a little bit that the kids picked up on my anger so quickly. I ask them what they saw and they tell me that I did that thing with my eyes. I am not entirely sure what that means, but they say that whenever they see it they know that someone is in trouble.

Smiling at them both I tell them that I wasn’t angry, just concerned. They tell me that they think I was angry. I respond and tell them that I try not to make any decisions when I am angry because giving in to your temper can help you make bad choices.

The matter is handled and we move onto other things. Later that night I’ll think about it all and wonder if I should have spent more time talking with them again about why it is important to help family. Alone with my thoughts I ponder and consider it.

And just before I slip into unconsciousness I think that this is another one of those grandpa moments. Would have been nice to speak with him about it. Can’t say that I would have done anything differently, but that’s ok. Sometimes all you want is that friendly ear.

Filed Under: Children, Life and Death

The Rules of Blogging- How To Make Money Part 1

May 20, 2010 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

If you are an “I don’t like authority” kind of person like me than blogging is a wonderful place to be. Enjoy your freedom and revel in it. Engage it with the sort of passion you devote to whatever or whomever you love and watch your life change. Soon you’ll be rolling in millions. People will flock to your blog and advertisers will beg you to promote their products.

Really, it is true. If you roll with the mommy bloggers they’ll tell you the same thing. They’ll share posts about not selling yourself short and how you deserve to be paid for your efforts. That makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it- the idea of being paid for your services.

The rub is that many of you don’t deserve a dime. You don’t offer anything of significant value to an advertiser. I know, that is really harsh and not at all charitable. But from a business perspective it is reality. Perhaps a cold and unpleasant reality but reality nonetheless.

The good news is that you don’t need an M.B.A. or a J.D. to understand why a business does or doesn’t need you. You don’t really need to read posts by social media experts to figure out that businesses want to reach as many eyeballs of their target demographic for as little money as possible.

They want to position themselves alongside thought leaders who can influence their target demographic to purchase their products and services. So while it is nice to know that you have a loyal readership of 12 and can provide them with access to this highly influential group it is unlikely to be of interest.

No one cares that you predict that within six months the Matilda Hornsucker blog will quadruple in size. You simply aren’t big enough to get their attention. You could be 100 times bigger and still fall short of what they are looking for.

I suppose that I should mention that the ubiquitous they I am referring to are the companies that are spending millions of dollars on their online ad campaign because there are quite a few who do so. Is it just me or do you get a tingly sensation in your hands just thinking about that. It is easy to imagine that a company that has a multimillion dollar ad budget would have no problem kicking over a few shekels to you.

Really, why couldn’t they spend a measly $5,000 a month on your blog. It is such a small percentage of their budget they wouldn’t notice. Ah, but they do notice more often than you realize.

The smart companies track their ad dollars far more closely than you might realize. They have people on their marketing team and their ad agencies that are paid monitor these things. They want to know what their ROI is. They want data that they can use to show to their bosses and or shareholders. Data that demonstrates that advertising drives leads that convert into sales. They want data that demonstrates that their advertising provides their brand with a positive public perception.

What that means is that there is work tied into that measly $5k we just discussed. Someone has to follow those dollars. Someone has a spreadsheet that they use to track these expenditures. And the last thing that they want to do is have to account for a poor performance.

So they are careful in where they put those dollars. That means that if you want to get a piece of the pie you are going to have to provide them with data that they can use to support including your blog on the buy. That means that you are likely competing with bigger sites that have constructed media kits that serve as the proof.

Those kits contain demographic information that is likely more detailed than what you have to offer. I have never seen a personal blog that has a serious media kit. I suppose that it is possible, but I have my doubts.

This is part of why blog networks developed. The power of many versus the power of one. Remember this is about reaching eyeballs. If you run a network and can offer access to millions of eyeballs it is easier to overcome some of the difficulties in not having real demographics to present.

I say real demographics because I am a skeptic about them. Much of that information is generated from user surveys and other sources that I question the validity of, but that is a different topic.

This is part of the reason why so many media kits supplement their user data with general stats about users. On the mommy blogger side you can guarantee that they are going to make some sort of claim about what role women play in shopping for various items. Another example of broad claims is saying that 3 out of 5 dentists recommend a particular product. But again, I don’t want to get caught up in that.

Some of you might try to overcome some of these objections by offering a free campaign. In concept it seems like a reasonable way to start a relationship. Dear Mr. Advertiser I am so confident that your campaign will do well I am willing to give to you for free.

That is a rough way to go for a host of reasons. Some advertisers won’t do it because free doesn’t remove their obligation to track the campaign. The work still exists and they’d rather not get involved unless they are comfortable that they’ll benefit.

But it is also rough because you severely limit your ability to negotiate future ad buys. It is really hard to get people to pay more the second time around. Most ad buyers will work to get a better deal the second time around.

This brings us back to the bloggers who say that everyone needs to start somewhere. Many of them never think beyond that first sponsor. They don’t think about the situation we addressed above, nor do they realize that their actions impact the rest of us in the blogosphere. You could make a crude comparison between this and sex.

If you put out for anyone who asks they don’t have a reason to go elsewhere and they probably won’t respect you in the morning.

One could argue that two of the biggest problems are the low barrier to entry and the minimal financial investment. People are far less cautious spending throwaway cash than they are with more significant investments.

So let’s go back the original discussion about being paid what you are worth. I really do support that. I’d rather see bloggers get paid for their efforts. But I am also a realist and very few deserve a dime, at least from the perspective of the business.

Lest anyone say that I am picking on the mommy bloggers let me say that I feel the same way about the dads. Although the good news for us fathers is that the field is not nearly as cluttered. It is easier to distinguish yourself and stand out from the crowd.

Even so, we are still subject to the same rules as listed above.

Just a couple more comments and then it is on to more exciting ventures.

1) If you spend time reading these types of posts it sounds like a million pitches are being sent out. I don’t believe it. Quite a few of these bloggers are inflating numbers and or omitting the part in which they pitched the agency/brand.

2) Very few bloggers make real money from selling ads or any sort of sponsorship on their blogs. If they are doing well it pays for some groceries or gas but not much beyond that.

3) If you don’t love to blog and aren’t making money or receiving really cool products for your use you are unlikely to last for any length of time. There are probably better uses for your time.

I still dislike the blog with integrity buttons. If you have to use that on your blog than maybe you have an issue that needs to be dealt with. Be transparent in your posts and make sure that your disclosure policy is visible and you’ll have fewer problems.

Anyway, that is all I have got for you right now.

Filed Under: Blogging

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