The Love Of My Life
A new insertion for Fragments of Fiction
I don’t have any quotes or music to open this story with. It is not for a lack of ideas or access to resources. All it takes is point-click-cut-and-paste. Presto-change-o and you have some words of wisdom to share or a song that you know will melt her heart.
And that is what you want to do. You are writing her another letter here where you hope she’ll see it. Another letter in which you tell her how strong you are, express that you are capable of living a very happy life without her but that is not completely true.
Because the fact is that you love her. You miss her. You want her. You need her. These are not simple platitudes nor things that you bandy about. You don’t like such things. You prefer not to be so open and giving with the things that leave your soft side exposed.
It is easier to try to move on and pretend that it is ok. You look in the mirror and remind yourself that you don’t really have a choice. There are two people in this equation and you can’t control anyone but yourself. It doesn’t matter whether you say yes or no because unless she chooses to participate you are done.
And that is something that is as painful to write as it is to hear. She told you that you were the love of her life and you said that she was yours. But things happen and people change. And even if people don’t change sometimes there are situations that change, making it impossible to be with who you wish to be with.
Isn’t that what Crosby Stills Nash and Young said, “If you can’t be with the one you love, than love the one you are with.” That might not be a perfect quote but it is pretty damn close. Nice sentiment, good idea. If you are going to be with someone than you should love them. But loving them isn’t the same as being in love with them and that my friends makes all the difference.
Because when you are in love then you can take on the world. You don’t need much, just each other. That is the power, the beauty and the magic of love. Cue cheesy ’80s music and a scene from a John Hughes movie.
So the question is why aren’t you with the one you are in love with. It is understandable to be fearful of the unknown. It is a valid response, but it is not always enough. It is not enough to say that circumstances are too hard or the situation is too difficult. It is simply unacceptable.
At least these are things that you tell yourself, truths that you say you believe. You still maintain that in a world of billions there have to be millions who could make you happy, but only a very few who can make you seriously happy. And even fewer who can make you as happy as she can and did.
So you wake up each day and stay busy. You occupy yourself with things that will make your life better. You push yourself to get in better shape, to get ahead at work and to improve your life. You don’t do it for her, but for you.
The idea is that regardless of whether you find your way back to each other you will be in a better situation. You fervently believe everything you are writing and are confident that even if you don’t find each other life will go on and you will be one happy dude.
But in the quiet of the night you admit that the light that flickers inside your heart does so because you still carry her torch. Unlike the Olympic Flame this sucker never gets extinguished. That is part of what is so intriguing to you, this has never happened before.
So sometimes you find yourself staring at her picture and remembering things. Soft touches, gentle whispers and someone who you let see you as you are, not as you wish to be. And in those quiet moments when you look inwards you find yourself convinced that somewhere out there she remembers those things and that sometimes she thinks of the boy who loves her still.
TheJackB October 29, 2010 at 5:58 am
I don't know. This is just a work of fiction so…
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guest101 October 29, 2010 at 4:06 am
it is easier to fall in love with the ones we can't have, the ones who make us feel insecure, cheat on us, and don't give back as much in the relationship. i think it is more psychologycal. these forms of 'rejection' make us vulnerable, since they r hurtful acts by someone we trusted, and we get into this mode that force us to idealize the person, somehow we make them the ONLY person under the sun for us and say we are "in love" with them. NO,love is love. either u love them or u dont. i am struggling in a similar situation, and i have noticed that the ones who say they are 'in love' also happen to be the ones who have been deceived, dumped and hurt by the "love of t their llife". see it is more psychological, we dont like to be rejected by the person we love. so iwhen it hurts really bad, we idealize then come up with the in love bull. there is just Love, no in love , in the process of loving
TheJackB October 9, 2010 at 6:42 am
No one tells you how complicated life can be.
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Elle October 9, 2010 at 6:36 am
It seems incredilble, that's the we feel! The Love of my Life… I was 17, he was 23. We were together for almost 2 years. We separated because of my family. I married someone else shortly after (an act of revenge). He married as well years after. We both have chilldren. But we have found out that after so many years we are still in love with each other. But not willing to hurt our families. Certainly, one can love somebody, and not be in love with him/her. In the other hand, one can be in love, and learn t live without him/her. Sad, but true…
TheJackB July 9, 2010 at 7:24 pm
This was fiction.
TheJackB July 9, 2010 at 7:23 pm
Made some tweaks to the blog that I think will help it load faster.
Tzipporah July 9, 2010 at 6:15 pm
Just FYI, Jack, whatever you've done to your site lately makes it take FOREVER to load, and there are all these irritating social media popups. I've kind of stopped coming by here because it bothers me so much.
smoo July 9, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Powerful. I feel ur pain. Sounds like you need time to mourn your relationship. Good luck.
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