Archives for July 2010

It is one of the greatest things I have ever heard in my life. That wacky son of mine who I love dearly told me that he is going to live “a big life.” He said it and then shared his ideas for the many businesses that he plans on creating and turning into incredibly successful ventures.

I told him that I thought that it was great that he had dreams and received a puzzled look from him. “abba, it is not a dream. I am going to live a big life because I am going to do all these things.

It made me beam with pride to hear him say this, to see the utter certainty upon his face and the confident manner with which he stood in front of me. So I reached out, hugged him tight and told him that my dream was for him and his sister to live their dreams.

I said that I wanted him to know the joy of success and the sweet satisfaction of watching the fruits of one’s labor and effort. And then I blessed hm. It was kind of a spontaneous thing, but it felt right and I knew that it would make him feel good.

We can’t say what will happen in the future, but I’ll so what I can to help him find his way. Life is meant to be lived, not dreamt so if there is a way that I can help facilitate that I will.

Back by Special Request:

Someone once told me that the heart wants what the heart wants. I don’t know if that is a line from a book or a movie, it could be. Then again it might be one of those pithy statements that people come up with. I’d ask the person who told me but I can quite remember who said it. Hell, it might have even been
me.

The heart wants what the heart wants. You know what that means? It is a statement made by people who can’t explain why they are in love with person xyz. It is what you say when there is no logical explanation for your actions. It is a catchphrase, a tagline, a slogan and a motto.

The heart wants what the heart wants. It reminds me of Shakespeare, “Life is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing.” Somewhere my high school English teacher Mrs. McDonnell is smiling. Little Jimmy actually remembered a line from Macbeth. See ma’am, I told you that I could hear just as well in sunglasses as without..

The heart wants what the heart wants. It is the kind of thing you hear people say when they are trying to explain why they are hung up on someone from their past. Or maybe it is what you say when you stop denying the love that is in front of you.

If love were rational, if it were based upon logic life would be easier. When I think about some of the things I have done because of love I want to scream. When I consider the self-inflicted misery I have endured I want to cry because it seems so very foolish. How could I waste so much energy on such a silly thing as a woman, a single woman. The world is filled with millions of women. It should be easy to replace her. It should be as simple as changing shoes, but it is not. It is not, it is not.

The heart wants what the heart wants. It does and mine has chosen someone that is far more special to me than all of the others. My lips remember hers. I can still feel her touch. The pillowcase has never been washed because I have this fantasy that I can still pull it close and smell her.

Sometimes I think that reincarnation must be real and that in a past life I must have stolen fire from the gods or committed some other heinous crime. Because there is no logical reason why I would be punished in this manner. I found the woman that completes me. I found the person that makes me whole and I let her go.

She would have stayed. She would have held my hand. She would have helped save my soul but I couldn’t say the words. I couldn’t make myself do it. Even though I knew it to be a simple thing. A brief plea for help and she wouldn’t have left me. I wouldn’t have been left to live in shadow and night. I could have been whole. Her love was enough to let me believe that I could have been something more.

But like I said, in that past life I did something. I earned the wrath of those who sit in judgment. Or maybe it is nothing like that. Maybe there is no reason why. Maybe this is all there is and happiness is based upon some sort of random something or other.

The heart wants what it wants and mine has betrayed me. In a different life it lay in a green garden beneath bright blue skies and now it is filled with weeds and fields of shattered stone and black night skies.

Once I might have hoped for salvation. Once I believed that I deserved better than this but now I understand that not to be so. Hades has issued his decree. I stand next to Sisyphus. Tantalus is my brother. Happiness is something that I can see but can’t reach.

The heart wants what the heart wants.

How to hardboil eggs
Shmata Queen and Jack
save the last dance for me
thoughts on turning 40
live your life with me
Hands Across America
barry manilow bites
the best is yet to come meaning
I can love you better
minnie the moocher meaning
the heart wants what the heart wants
moment in time meaning
ring of fire
call me ishmael
letters to children
doing the Time Warp
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Naked Jack
makom kavua
How do fighter pilots go to the bathroom
daddy blogger
dancing with my daughter

I am not going to BlogHer and I don’t care. If I were a mommy blogger that might set off a tizzy of ridiculous comments. Sorry ladies, but you gals love drama. Don’t tell me that you don’t because it is a staple of your posts. This blogger is pisssed off at that blogger because they got more free Pampers or because they didn’t get any.

Mama Maniac thinks that Mother Love is far too nasty and shallow, but since she is nice she won’t write a blog post about how she is shallow and nasty. Sally the sexy blogger is upset because she hasn’t lost the last 23 pounds of baby weight and can’t imagine not being able to wear that sexy red dress to the cocktail parties that she is sure she is going to be invited to.

Some of y’all are angry because you hate the sponsors that are helping to provide the conference with the financial stability to make it happen. I can’t help but smile as I read posts in which you stress how bad the sponsor is yet find a way to try and justify your attendance there.

Life is filled with lots of black and white and a dozen shades of gray. Why not just admit that you don’t like the sponsor but are going to attend because you think that it will be fun and or educational. Is anyone really going to think less of you and do you really care if they do.

I am told that somewhere between ten and fifteen percent of the attendees are going to be men. That is cool and sort of interesting but I won’t be one of them. I don’t need mommy blogger approval to feel good about my blogging nor do I have a wife attending so there is no pull there. Ok, that is a bit unfair taking a swipe at the men like that, but boys I have to tell you that I laugh every time someone says that they wish that we were taken as seriously as the mommy bloggers.

I don’t want to be a mommy blogger. I like being a daddy blogger, not because I am proud of the penis or because I don’t like angry mommy bloggers. Really, I have already written the Rules for Blogging so I don’t need more instruction.

Nor do I want to end up in 16 BlogHer recap posts as the drunk guy who jumped naked into the pool or won the best door prize. No sir, I just want to sit here in my quiet and spacious corner of cyberspace and write whatever the hell comes to mind without regard for anything else.

I am a blogger who dreams of being the outlaw, the maverick and the rogue. I am a blogger who writes because I like it not because I dream of turning this joint into a cash cow. As a point of reference men try not to use the word cow around women unless it is very clear that you are not referring to anyone in the room. Those stiletto heels leave one hell of a mark, or so I have heard.

Ok, done rambling now. Onto the next post.

Tuesday Afternoon-The Moody Blues-(Long Extended Version)
And So It Goes– Billy Joel (an occasional anthem of my life)
I Know I am Losing You– The Tempations
Gimme Shelter– The Rolling Stones
Graceland– Paul Simon
America– Simon and Garfunkel
I Dreamed a Dream– Les Miserables
All I Ask of You– Phantom of The Opera

• What is A Family
• 17″ Arms- Sometimes Dreams Change
• Fiction- The Round Up Continues
• Practice Kindness- Blogging and Life
• A Child’s Birthday Party- Summertime Blues
• Former hot dog eating champ arrested
• Full Circle
• Don’t Mess with The Uni-Blogger
• The Rules of Guest Blogging
• This Time
• The 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time