Daughters Are Different
Based on recent events yet to be blogged about I feel compelled to share this again.
Not so long ago one of my female friends told me that she wanted to kick my ass so that she could knock some sense into me. Being a man who understands women implicitly I began laughing and suggested that she would be better served by cooking my dinner and ironing my shirts.
Two eyerolls and a major sigh later we delved back into the topic that had created the issue. You see, she doesn’t like that I have two separate sets of rules for raising boys and girls. And what is really funny to me is that we are having a stupid argument years before any of this may be an issue.
I suppose that it is necessary for me to try and provide a basic outline of what the disagreement was. In short it dealt with teenagers and the kind of freedom that parents provide them with. She didn’t like my saying that daughters are different from sons.
But the reality is that they are. This is not about equal rights. I love my children, it is among many things a fierce protective love. I will never worry about my son coming home pregnant. I will worry about him getting someone pregnant or contracting an STD, but pregnancy isn’t going to happen.
This will be a concern with my daughter. We’ll do all that we can to educate and protect her so that none of this happens before its proper time, but it is possible. And if she becomes pregnant there is no guarantee that the boy will do the right thing. So this very well could become a major issue that has all sorts of crazy repurcussions.
I will always be concerned about my children, but I will have a different sort of concern when my daughter goes out with friends than I have with my son. It is not because I love either of them more or less than the other.
They are a different set of concerns. Teenagers do stupid things. Teenage girls walking through parking lots at night are a target. It is not to say that teenage boys are not, but it is different.
And to be clear, I want my daughter to feel like she can do anything, just as I want my son to feel. But boys and girls are different and I will respond accordingly.
Anyhoo, she is five so I have some time before it becomes an issue. Keep on reading and perhaps you’ll get to see what happens. In the interim here is a list of links to past stories about the dark haired beauty.
She Is My Girl
A Six Year-old Speaks of Marriage
A United Nations Playdate
Teaching Children Not To Quit
Learn To Live With What You Can’t Rise Above
The Princess Speaks
What I Want For My Children & Random Thoughts
She Needs To Know About Boys
Want to Date My Daughter?
Dancing With My Daughter
My Daughter’s Favorite Book
Yom Kippur & My Daughter
Rules For Dating My Daughter
Daddy, Why Are You Wearing Make-up?
What Are You Doing In There
The Wiggles Don’t Play Here Anymore
Welcome to Tumbleweed Crossing
Playing it Safe
TheJackB August 16, 2010 at 7:04 pm
It is one hell of a ride- but what could be better. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
TheJackB August 16, 2010 at 7:03 pm
It is an unfortunate reality of how things work in the world. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
One Wink August 14, 2010 at 10:00 pm
I vowed to raise my daughter to be more fearless and self-assured than I was as a child/teen. My son, I encouraged to be himself and to explore all his options. The daughter learned the latter from her big brother and saved me from teaching her those things too. I was lucky; my daughter is her own person and comfortable in her own skin and they both are ridiculously great human beings. I learned also that outside influences are sometimes more powerful than our own methods of rearing. And that prayer and example are possibly the best tools there are for raising kiddos.
I do agree that daughters are different.
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Rachel Cotterill August 14, 2010 at 7:10 pm
I don't have children, so it's all a bit academic to me – but I can certainly see that, as a woman, I probably take more care in certain situations than my male friends would bother to do.
My recent post Words To Live By
TheJackB August 14, 2010 at 6:35 pm
Hi Rose,
Thanks for the heads up about the Typo. You make a good point, much of what we do/allow is based upon what we see our children as being able to handle.
TheJackB August 14, 2010 at 6:34 pm
It sounds like you might have some interesting stories to tell. I had to chuckle at the line about the research outline. Not surprising.
Rose August 14, 2010 at 6:29 pm
I have a son and daughter and my son has more freedom than my daughter did at that age and it is not just for the things you mentioned, but because my son hasn't really showed any reason not to give him the freedom where my daughter was out of control. lol
Typo in your post , you wrote giong.
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Keith Wilcox August 14, 2010 at 6:05 am
Girls are absolutely different. I was raised by parents who were under the mistaken impression that boys and girls should be treated the same. The effect was that my sister and I spent half the time confused by what they heck they were talking about (we were adopted and my parents sorta read way too many books back in the 70's). The reasoning behind the pop psychology what that girls should be encouraged to fulfill their dreams and be what they wanted to be. That's all well and good, but when that philosophy is employed by people who don't read past the research outline, the result is parents who end up treating their girls like boys and their boys like girls. It's weird and unnatural.
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TheJackB August 14, 2010 at 2:11 am
Hi Smitty-
So sorry to read this. That wasn't right, fair or necessary.
My recent post Writing a Book- Sense of Accomplishment
Smitty August 14, 2010 at 1:29 am
Oh yes, I am the one who was called "the" names by my European-born mother, while my brother was allowed to come home drunk. I was told I would become a guttersnipe if I did certain things. My brother, when my mom got angry with him and called him a son of a b—, said, Mom what does that make YOU! Boys were allowed smarter mouths. Mine was slapped. As a mom of an only son, I don't get to find out what comes up for the daughter I will never have.
TheJackB August 13, 2010 at 10:46 pm
My sisters didn't like it much either, but the one that has a daughter understands it all too well now.
My recent post Writing a Book- Sense of Accomplishment
Julie August 13, 2010 at 8:37 pm
I agree. I always hated that my brothers got to do anything and I couldn't do as much but I can see where I'd give my son's certain rights and I'm kind of glad that I don't have to worry about separating the rules.