The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for August 2010

You Should Read These Posts

by Leave a Comment

A quick snapshot of what has been happening at the Shack:

Damn That Guy

by 15 Comments

Damn that Clark Kent’s Lunchbox guy. I spend half my time trying to come up with a way to outdo him. Yes mommy bloggers, the sordid truth is that sometimes we daddy bloggers have our own drama. Y’all might be fighting over being a brand ambassador for Playtex or Coach, but that is nothing compared to having to fight the man of steel.

Really, the man is a published author and has a better name for his blog. And if that wasn’t enough he cleverly proves that he is far cooler than I am by claiming he is uncool in a guest blog. I couldn’t get away with saying that I got weepy during a Matthew McConaughey movie. You’d read that and think that Jack is one sick and twisted puppy. Ok, you probably think that already-but if you didn’t then you would and what would happen then.

And then just to add insult to injury the man pours acid on my wounds by allowing me to be a guest blogger over at his joint. If you haven’t read Jack Explains The Rules Of Guest Blogging…In A Guest Blog or The Random Thoughts Of Jack Be Nimble you are missing out. Yes, that is shameless promotion but when one is fighting to be a blogging superstar there are things that you must do.

Which is why I should mention that our man is speaking at the M3 conference while yours truly will be home drinking from his cup of bitterness. The premier daddy blogger conference that is going to set the tone for the coming revolution and me, the chief revolutionary not there. Yep, I might as well get drunk and lay down in a ditch you bastards. Damn, I wish that you could have heard me growl that last line, I am getting really good at being the grand old curmudgeon of daddy bloggers.

But I can accept these things. I can deal with it all because I am a big boy and that is what big boys do. On a side note that reminds me of something- parents buy your children shoes with laces as it galls me to no end to see 15 year-old boys who have mastered the X-Box become befuddled and betwixt when they graduate from velcro to shoe laces.

And now that we have let the train run straight off of the tracks let’s try to reset and get back on topic. Where were we? Oh yes, Mr. Lunchbox we were about to talk about you and your GI system. Dammit, I have made my bones here in the blogosphere with classic GI tales like Jack’s Experience In the Ladies Room, I have a dsyfunctional digestive system and A Little Digestive Distress- Chicken Vindaloo.

So I am ready to throw down the gauntlet and match your forays into flatulence. Bring on the biological warfare because I love to battle and allow me to say that you really don’t want to be blown away in this battle.

And now you must excuse me I am in search of a monster burrito, some chocolate milk and an energy drink. That should set me up nicely for quite the tale of bathroom blogging. So do your best to be Charmin, you Mr. Whipple wannabe- I am ready.

Married To the Wrong Woman

by 4 Comments

Sometimes life is a cliche. One eager screenwriter in a convertible driving down Pacific Coast Highway on his way to pitch his script. Bright blue skies and not a cloud to be seen. Off to the right the surf continued to roll in and out. A healthy dose of nerves and an exceptionally long stoplight almost caused an accident.

The guy driving the black Hummer was none too happy about waiting for the light to change, let alone the extra five seconds that Jimmy Cox caused him to lose by sitting at the light. As the Hummer flew by the driver made a point of shouting some pleasantries at Jimmy regarding his mental capabilities. Not that Jimmy noticed. He was lost in thoughts about the coming meeting.

The opening scene of the movie was simple. The camera was going to zoom in on a pair of eyes. Jimmy didn’t care what color they were. All that mattered to him was that they evoked sadness and longing. The model in a roundabout way came from a commercial that had run during his childhood.

The commercial was a PSA that was about littering. A proud Native American with a single tear running down his face. The cause of his tears? Litter.

This was different. This was about unfulfilled potential and lost opportunities for love. It is about trying to decide what kind of sacrifices a parent is willing to make for their children. Does a couple subjugate the chance to explore the greatest love of their lives for the good of their children or do they follow their hearts. Was there a middle ground that they could find or would they spend an eternity apart, filled with regret.

A small snort escaped from Jimmy’s mouth. His script Married To the Wrong Woman wasn’t anything special. He didn’t break any new ground. There weren’t any clever or innovative plot twists. It was just another love story. And if there was one thing that had been done a million times in a million different ways it was the love story.

Then again, Jimmy knew in his gut that Hollywood would never stop making love stories. As long as there were people, there would be those who would go to watch the love story. Some would go because they loved the drama. They got off on following the twist and turns. Others would go because they related to it. They could see themselves in the characters. They understood. They identified with the characters.

Love sold and love sells. That was the line he wanted to use. The question was how to present it. Married To the Wrong Woman was the story that was going to get him started. He loved the characters and he loved the story, but only because he had created it. It wasn’t his story. It wasn’t his personal experience. It was him and a million others he had cobbled together.

All that he really wanted to do was find a way to make a name for himself. He wanted the freedom to make any sort of picture he wanted and figured that the fastest way to do it was to come up with a hit movie. It wasn’t totally far fetched. In an age of manufactured pop stars and reality television it was hard to believe that he couldn’t fabricate his own fame. In spite of his nerves he reminded himself that innovation in Hollywood meant putting a modern spin on a remake of a sitcom or movie from the 1970s.

(originally published here)

7 Reasons Why You Will Read This Post

by 12 Comments

Ok, here are seven reasons why you will read this post:

  1. Lists are the best kind of linkbait. People can’t help but read them. They are short and easy.
  2. Now that you read item one you might as well look at the next so onto number three.
  3. There might be a giveaway, ya know, free stuff and who doesn’t like free stuff.
  4. Well, I don’t like free stuff or should I say that I don’t like administrative work so I rarely do giveaways.
  5. But if I did do one I’d like it to be cool.
  6. The sixth reason why you will read this is because, yes just because.
  7. Number seven is simple. You came this far, so you might as well go the distance.

And that my friends leads me in a new direction in which I tell you that if you want to last at this game- if you want to be the blogger that outlasts the other you need to do this because you love it. Or at bare minimum you need to do this because you like it.

Really, if you don’t like it than there is no reason to keep it up. Surely you have other things to do with your time, more important things…don’t you.

Of course I am a bad example as I post with ridiculous frequency so who am I to say anything about anything. Stay tuned to this bat channel- more stuff coming shortly.

My Thinking Place

by 5 Comments

This blog is my thinking place. It is where I come to air out my head, to release my troubles, share my pain and to laugh. It is a sharing place, my little corner of cyberspace. It is an oasis from life and serves as one of my favorite ways to recharge my batteries

My thinking place is a source of amusement and sorrow. It is a contradiction in that it is filled with both fact and fiction. Sometimes my thinking place is my home and sometimes it is a secret hideaway.  Truth and fiction coexist here, at times with all of the comfort of oil and water but still here nonetheless.

Here in my cyber home I expose pieces and places of my heart. I question the wisdom of my actions and state my demands. Here is where I eventually acknowledge the realities of my daily life and plot out how to accept/change/adapt/overcome them.

A Pirate Looks at 40– Jimmy Buffett
May This Be Love– Jimi Hendrix
I Was Made To Love Her– Stevie Wonder

Music is a constant companion of mine. Music is my friend. It can make my heart soar and it can make it crash. It is poetry and it is magic. Sometimes I feel like the songs whisper in my ear, pushing and pulling me to stand up and follow the feeling in my heart.

And that feeling, that call to my heart seems to grow stronger each day. I feel a change coming. I feel it with all of my being but I am not quite sure what it is going to mean. All I know is that each day it is a little bit closer than it was the day before.

It alternates between draining and energizing. There are moments when I want to stand up and welcome it with both arms and moments where I feel the need to scream at it. Moments where I shake my fist and forbid it from coming closer.

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can’t speak for you, but I know that I don’t want the quote above to define me. I don’t want to set limits on myself. I am tired of dealing with fetters and shackles of my own design. So what I am really saying is that though I may be anxious about this change, I think that the best thing I can do is try to find a way to increase the amount of control I am able to exert on it.

Destiny calls…