â€œI havenâ€™t any right to criticize books, and I donâ€™t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I canâ€™t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read â€˜Pride and Prejudice,â€™ I want to dig her up and hit her over the skull with her own shin-bone.â€ Mark Twain on Jane Austen
I have a list of people that Â I should like to smack with their own shin-bones. Although if I was given the option I would probably choose a large bone, like the femur. Â I would say that Twain was a kinder, gentler soul than I but he is responsible for the whole shin-bone to the cranium idea. All I did was refine it. Really, if you are going to go to the trouble of hitting someone you ought to do a proper job of it.
It reminds me of a time in college when I told the guy sitting next to me that his hand smelled like peanut butter. He said really and then when he placed it close to his nose I gave it a “gentle” push. As you might imagine he wasn’t pleased with being smacked in the nose, especially with his own hand. Some might say that there is never an excuse for violence, but I had suggested that he not try to annoy me. What can I tell you, I am 230 pounds of five-year-old.
I just let everyone on Twitter know that my session at BlogHer is going to be standing room only. My recommendation is to bring comfortable shoes. Since I am also known as a master of nonsense I should let you know that I told a spammer to stop writing me or I would scoop out their eyes with a butter knife, because eyeballs are a delicacy in my country.
Have you noticed that sometimes I need to get a running start before I start addressing the topic of a post. Some of you have said that you are annoyed by this. I find comments like that to be somewhat amusing, but not as amusing as the people who tell me that they have unblogrolled me. When I get messages like that I ‘tut tut’ them and tell them that is so 2006.
I want to live a life that is worth living. That is not to say or suggest that I am not because I am. In fact I just finished speaking with a friend who almost died a few years back. They have a terminal illness and have had to confront the idea of dying prematurely. We spent a few minutes talking about what is going on with them and what is happening with me. I related in some detail the things that I hinted at in the prior post and was told that I have quite a handful. I of course said thank you and then asked if someone had taken pictures of me in the locker room.
There was much laughter and then they suggested that I find some new material. I said that they were right and remarked that when the almost dead person says “that sucks” you might want to take a hard look at your situation because it probably does suck. There was more laughter and guffawing over our juvenile and morbid sense of humor but it was good. It was good because we both needed to laugh and because we can only be solemn and serious for so long. Our time was limited but we did touch upon working hard to identify what makes us happy and what makes us feel fulfilled.
These are serious questions that I have spent more than a few minutes thinking about. It is not my intention, goal or desire to remain mired in muck and misery so I am actively working to correct that. Some might call it a sea change but I prefer to think of it as “getting the fuck out of Dodge.” There is a part of me that is preparing for the major changes that are to come and that means accepting failure. It means letting go of things that no longer work or bring the sort of joy that I need. I kid around a lot about being an old man but I don’t see myself that way.
When I look in the mirror that face and body don’t match my mental image and that is ok. It is ok because I can adjust both. It is ok because I know that I have the will to make the necessary changes and that is important. It is important because there have been moments where my confidence in my own abilities have been shaken. But a person who doesn’t believe in themselves has to work much harder than the one who does. So this post is part of the reminder to myself that I need to believe. I need to have faith that I can walk through the fire and emerge on the other side.
There is a long list of accomplishments that I can be proud of and more to come. I’ll save some of that for later. Right now I have to figure out who needs to be smacked across the skull with their own femur.