Dancing Didn’t Make Him Charming

This is based upon the following prompt from The Red Dress Club
This week we asked you to write a prompt inspired by this sentence: The first time I ________-ed after _________-ing.

You won’t ever mistake me for Baryshnikov. Grace and I are distant cousins who get along on a basic level, but can’t seem to get beyond that. I didn’t want to go to the bar because I don’t dance. That is not entirely true- I am comfortable “slow dancing.”

Got enough grace and rhythm not to step on her feet but speed it up and I worry about looking like I am having a seizure. Given the choice I wouldn’t have gone tonight, but the girls have pushed me.

The two of them swear that I won’t be uncomfortable and that I’ll have a good time. When I try to back out they tell me that I have a better chance of meeting someone. They claim that women will be attracted to a man who is with two women.

I tell them that the three of us should stay in and see what happens. Lisa hits me in the head with a pillow and Julie slugs me in the arm. I shrug my shoulders and say that I guess I am going.

They have already picked out my “outfit- a pair of black Justin “cowboy” boots, 501s and a green t-shirt are what I am supposed to wear. I roll my eyes at them and say that this is what I would have chosen anyway.

It is not an exaggeration. I really would have picked those things, but they insist on having final say and I just don’t care so I let them.

Just before we leave they give me specific instructions on what to do when men approach. Lisa tells me that I am not paying attention and I tell her she is right. I don’t need a playbook. I have a million sisters and know exactly what to do.

Apparently that is what makes them nervous. Lisa says that I am not to get too aggressive and Julie nods her head. I tell them that I don’t know what the hell that means and get yelled at. They tell me that the last time we did this I picked a fight with two of the guys buying them drinks. This time I am supposed to look for a sign.

I tell Lisa that if she holds up two fingers I’ll steal home and if Julie holds up one I’ll swing away. Neither of them smiles and I know that I am one ‘cute boy’ away from irritating them. But I have given my word to go so we head out.

Two or three beers after our arrival the girls decide that I cannot people watch any longer. They tell me that I’m required to dance. It is the height of the line dancing craze & I tell them that I am unwilling to do it.

They say no problem and tell me that I am going to learn how to “two-step.” They give me a quick demo and then take positions in front of and behind me. Between shoulder and hand squeezes I figure out what to do and when.

I feel a bit like a kid who just learned how to ride a bike and I dance with them and a dozen other women. It is a blast.

Later on I’ll ask them to help me meet someone and find out that sometimes hitting a bar with two women isn’t always a great way to meet other women.

It seems that this “configuration” has given them the impression that I am gay. And here I thought that being able to “two step” made me charming…..

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  1. TheJackB June 21, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    @Tracie You sound like me. 😉 They really were fun. For a while we were all pretty tight.

  2. Tracie June 21, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    I love that they tried to help you out….even if they were kind of bossy.

    I have never really learned how to dance. I love to do it at home, alone, but I don’t think I’ll take my “talent” out in public any time soon.

  3. caseyfreeland June 21, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    @TheJackB @caseyfreeland Grimace is cool.

  4. TheJackB June 21, 2011 at 6:36 pm


    Nope, they weren’t purple boots. I am not Prince. I don’t look like Prince, dance or sing like Prince. I am not the Joker or Grimace either. 😉

    Overall it was a good night.

  5. TheJackB June 21, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    @girlygrizzly Nope, wasn’t stepping with another man. Had some of the boys been there we might have messed with the girls that way because we are all screwballs, but that didn’t happen.

    Sadly I am not exaggerating when I say that I was built for demolition and not for grace. 😉

  6. girlygrizzly June 21, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    I love this one @TheJackB ! I’m usually the only “Chick” and the guys always tease me and say they hate it cause the other women are afraid to hit on them because I’m there…but the wont let me go anywhere alone! LOL… Dancing isn’t guaranteed to qualify you as charming, but trying does! About the “gay” thing….well, no, not right off the bat, but if you go out there and start line dancing and two stepping with another dude, (and I witnessed this in a CW Bar we went to- once!) well, yeah, then you’re “Black-balled” for sure for the ladies! ~Amber-Lee

  7. caseyfreeland June 21, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Well, I had a brilliant response that was lost in my livefyre registration. I can’t remember what I said, but it was really really good.

    Anyway, great story. I thought it might turn into a different kind of story when you mentioned staying in. Phew! As far as the gay vibe, I don’t think it was the girls. There are all kinds of ways to make sure the time you spend with two girls is not construed as anything but hetero. 🙂 Maybe your boots were purple instead of black?



  8. TheJackB June 21, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    @galitbreen Those two were great friend but damn if they didn’t make me crazy with the “rules” that they tried to implement. But some nights I didn’t pay for drinks. Guys would buy them XYZ and they would just pass it along to me.

    Hard to believe so many years have passed.

  9. galitbreen June 21, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    LOVE this jack! it’s light hearted and fun. I can feel the playfulness and can so remember these kinds of nights out.

    Also- I love that you had an outfit and a million sisters! 🙂

  10. TheJackB June 21, 2011 at 7:39 am

    @branwen1887 A few years afterwards I ended up at a wedding in Texas and found that I was the only one of the guys from out of town who could do it. So I suppose that it paid dividends- just a long time after they were promised. 😉

  11. TheJackB June 21, 2011 at 7:38 am

    @mylifestylemax I think that you are right about their rationale. It was a good night overall, or at least that is how I remember it. They really did make me crazy with trying to set up some sort of signal system so that I could “save” them from the men that they weren’t interested in.

  12. TheJackB June 21, 2011 at 7:34 am

    @LetMeStart All I know is that they claimed that there would be big benefits from joining them. It was funny thinking about that time- been years since it happened. Back during our school days we all hung out together.

  13. branwen1887 June 21, 2011 at 6:48 am

    Hilarious. It sounds like a better night than most of the men that I know that go searching bars for women have though. At least you learned the two step and could go dancing with women without the two “wingmen” on your team some other time. 🙂

  14. mylifestylemax June 21, 2011 at 4:13 am

    I love your stories jack..funny and honest, just the way I like it. I think their rational may have been something along the lines of women often being attracted to men that are taken, hence the power flirting begins..but the two to one ratio…well I can see how there was a misunderstanding, lol

  15. LetMeStart June 21, 2011 at 2:30 am

    I like, as usual, the narrative. How you took us through all the steps of their preparing you, the outfit choice, your hand signals. So entertaining.

    And your end result totally backfiring? Too funny, Jack. Too funny.

    Fun response to TRDC prompt!

  16. Faryna June 20, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    Two beautiful women nibbling on each ear at the same time is one thing – when you give your eyes to one special woman across the way. [laughing] Generally speaking, when your attention moves from one woman to the next, it just shouts desperate, chef boy-are-dee, and same same. But you know these things, Jack. The advice is for the noobs.

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