The Naked Truth

 

Life doesn’t come with a GPS and if it did mine would constantly say “recalculating.” Some people take the high road and some people take the low road. Me? I don’t take a road, I just follow my nose through thick and thin. During the good times I deem it part of my roguish nature and tell those who ask that I am 240 pounds of 5-year-old boy. During the bad times I attribute it to my disdain for authority and desire to march to the beat of my own drummer. Did I mention that my drummer is always off beat.

Six or seven weeks ago I took my son and grandfather to the tux shop so that we could be fitted for the wedding. When it came time for me the guy behind the counter asked me if I knew my size and I asked him for a yardstick. Grandpa got a good laugh from that one and then my mother told me that it wasn’t very funny. I hadn’t a clue that she was anywhere close to me which proves that my mother has never stopped training with the ninjas who taught her how to appear and disappear when I was a child.

The Naked Truth

A short time later I stood inside the dressing room prepared to try on another tuxedo that wouldn’t fit me properly. I looked at my son and engaged in a running commentary about how hard when I was in my twenties I had to have my jackets tapered. He asked what that meant and I explained that years of swimming and weightlifting had given me very broad shoulders, a bigger neck and a thin waist. But what I forgot was that the thin waist was jealous of the broad shoulders so in the time that has passed since my twenties it too has worked hard at growing larger.

Had I not been required to try on the jacket and slacks I might have accused them of using a fun house mirror and scary lighting in the dressing room. Sadly the mirror and lighting were just fine and I was forced to confront the naked truth.

++++++

Remember When-Alan Jackson

Change is hard and I am not always good at accepting it. It comes from being a fighter and a scrapper of the first order. There are things, people and places that I remember. There are moments in time that are seared upon my soul and try as I might they don’t just disappear and I don’t just let go. There aren’t very many of them, but the very few that make the cut are deep. They burn and they ache and I am too stubborn not to wade into the deeper waters. I seek out the places where the fire burns brightest and I jam my hand inside the flame.

I stand there with  my jaw clenched, sweat pouring down my brow and refuse to utter a sound. But the echoes of silence inside my head continue to reverberate and there is no place to hide. Inside I stand in front of my accuser and nod my head as the charges are read.  I am, I said and I did. I went. I was and I would…again.

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I tell my son that it is time to make more than a few changes. He asks me what they are and I say…many. He says that I don’t make sense and I say that he doesn’t make money. It is a dumb joke but we laugh anyway. We like spending time together and I never forget that he is watching me. I look at him and tell him that it is time for me to get more serious about exercising and he asks if that means that I am going to play more basketball. I say no, I am going to be more conscious of my diet and going to lift weights more frequently.

I tell him that I don’t want to talk about how things used to fit me better or how life was like this or that. He nods his head and asks me to explain myself. I tell him that it is simple, “life is happening now and I don’t have time to wait.” I tell him that I feel like I haven’t been serious enough about making some changes. It is a very heavy subject and there is a lot that lies behind my words but I am not talking about that nor do I need to.

Really the lesson that I want him to learn now is to make the most of his time. I don’t want him to waste it. I don’t want him to feel ridiculous amounts of pressure either. But I feel the need to make sure that he understands how much control we have over our lives and our destiny. I want him do more than seize the day- I want him to take it by the throat and throttle it. I want him to go to bed with a huge smile and sense of satisfaction. I want him to be grateful for what he has got and thankful for what he is not.

And when the time comes to talk about these times I want to know that I did all that I could. I want to stare at the naked truth and know that I did my best. And if I have and G-d smiles upon me I’ll have that sense of peace and satisfaction I seek.

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Comments

  1. @bigislanddog Those are the kinds of adventures I could grow accustomed to.

  2. @TheJackB That’s a great way to view it, “manage it effectively”!

    Training to qualify will definitely get you more exercise and with a goal like that it’s very fun, as well as addictive… in a good way 🙂

    It’s been a fabulous journey so far! Living in Hawaii is sure to bring more adventures from the ocean to a 14,000 ft. mountain.

  3. @MSchechter Those mirrors are possessed by evil spirits or maybe the problem is that I keep eating the damn things. 😉

  4. MSchechter says:

    Mirrors are both a terrible and a great thing in life. They force us to look at what we are often trying to avoid. Just started back on a fitness regiment myself as I started to gag when I would walk past any mildly reflective surface, so I feel your need there…

  5. @TLanceB Nothing wrong with working hard to get into shape. It is the one selfish thing that really benefits those we care about. I think about this often. Three out of four grandparents lived well into their nineties so I figure that I have a set of genes that will keep me going for a long time.

    So if I am going to be around I want to have the physical strength/ability for as long as I live. No better time to start than the present.

    Always good to see you here.

  6. @bigislanddog@TLanceB Love Hawaii. I haven’t been there in years, but I am ready to go back. I could easily see myself living there. The beach always feels like home.

  7. @bigislanddog No way to avoid change. The best we can do is try to manage it effectively.

    I do love the exercise- just need more of it and a more disciplined diet. Took a look at your blog, you have some pretty big accomplishments. I hope to qualify, compete and finish the Ironman..when I turn 50.

    Got to put in the time now to get into shape so that I am in shape to train for it.

  8. @Faryna From your mouth to G-d’s ears.

  9. @BetsyKCross I really don’t worry too much about my kids. I figure as long as I give them a dose of common sense and keep them focused on the road they’ll make it. Doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments of uncertainty, but most of the time I am confident.

    Wish I could jump rope, but the pounding I take on the basketball court doesn’t leave the knees and back wanting more.

    Maybe if I drop a few more pounds it will be easier.

  10. Yet another cool very bold, truthful answer. Gotta love it. MIne? I moved to Hawaii for a life in Paradise while I can enjoy it. Swimming suit every day, outrigger paddling, free diving, yoga, walking, dog beach, dolphins… only 4 months later the muffin top was gone and I love wearing my bikini even more at age 47 🙂 @TLanceB

  11. I’ve gotten really vain since my remarriage and expanded family 3 plus years ago. It isn’t because of how I look, it’s because I want to be around for these women.

    You have difefrent reasons for change. Mine are blonder and smell better than yours. But those reasons have similar deep meanings.

    good blog…I like it when you tear your heart out and show it off to us

  12. bigislanddog says:

    Change. it is one of those things we spend our early pretending it isn’t going to happen. Almost fighting it. Those who learn to except change and use it as opportunity are in fact seizing each and every day!

    And by the way.. have fun with that exercise, which could very well include playing more basketball with your son in addition to the weight lifting!

    Aloha Wags!

  13. Lifting a bottle of Jack to you. May it be, Jack. May it be!

  14. “I want him do more than seize the day- I want him to take it by the throat and throttle it.I want him to go to bed with a huge smile and sense of satisfaction.”

    And kids sure know how to do that if they are old enough to need permission and you give it to them, or young enough not to care!

    Good luck finding your body again! I jump rope. Gives best results quickly,next to dancing. It’s cheap and your kids can do it with you. Unless your knees are bad. Anyways…cheers!

Trackbacks

  1. […] I stand there with  my jaw clenched, sweat pouring down my brow and refuse to utter a sound. But the echoes of silence inside my head continue to reverberate and there is no place to hide. Inside I stand in front of my accuser and nod my head as the charges are read.  I am, I said and I did. I went. I was and I would…again.” The Naked Truth […]

  2. […] Jack B. <— Click To Read More Smart Stuff! […]

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