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"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Bald Is Beautiful & Other Things You Need To Know

September 2, 2011 by Jack Steiner

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I love that song for a million reasons but primarily because it reminds me of when my kids were really little and they rode daddy around the house. Speaking of little my mother is having a hard time with my hair or should I say that she doesn’t like that there is less of it than there once was.

I told her that bald men are beautiful and she told me that I am not bald. She is right, the hairline starts a little further back than it once did but I have  a long way before I have to worry about being bald. However, I have played around with shaving it all off long before it reaches that point. Mom doesn’t like this but I think that has more to do with her friends turning 70 and the knowledge that her own 70th birthday isn’t a dream anymore.

Mom tells me how she loved the long dark curls I had and refers to that picture of me from when I was three years-old. I laugh and tell her that I am going to write about how she is trying to turn me into a mama’s boy and she scowls. She wants to know why I must always be a pain in the ass and I say that it is because I can.

+++++

It is a week since the move and we aren’t even close to being settled yet. Most of our stuff is in storage and the rest feels like it is scattered between two sets of houses and cars. Every day I spend time trying unpack and purge more stuff- organization will come…right? Actually I know the answer and am completely confident that it will indeed happen but it is going to take some time. Time feels like a frenemy to me. Sometimes when I want it to work with me it does but that precocious prevaricator has moments of mirth and he laughs hard at my expense.

I am not a fan of President Obama but I wouldn’t say that I am a detractor. I am sort of ambivalent but as I said earlier this week at Jayme’s place he should have kicked John Boehner’s ass six ways to Sunday. I don’t care if you don’t like the president, respect the damn office. When your president asks to speak to congress you say ok and STFU. But he didn’t and then Obama really disappointed me by not doing as I said. There are times to be quiet and there are times to be a leader and lay down the law. I am so tired of listening to both sides point fingers at each other.

Stop whining about it. Stop acting like children. In the real world if you said that you couldn’t work with someone you would be told once that it was too bad and then you would be fired. Part of the problem is that our government doesn’t feel the pain of the average person. My second largest monthly expense is healthcare. Thankfully we are healthy, but it wouldn’t take much to make life exceptionally difficult. One serious injury/illness/accident and the whole house of cards could tumble. So let me add a second STFU to the government and my size 12 boot in your ass.

Fix this. Just fix this. I am tired of paying taxes and doing the right thing to watch you act like a bunch of entitled, arrogant, clueless assholes.

+++++

My children are playing soccer again this year. My son moved up to the U12 division and discovered to his chagrin that he is the second shortest child on the team. He is of average height for his age but puberty has begun to kick in for some of these boys and they are pretty big. After the second practice we have a long talk about this and he expressed his concerns.

I told him that my job as his father is to help him reach his potential and that I see things in him that he might not see. I said that he is much tougher, stronger and smarter than he realizes and that soccer would help him see that. He nodded his head and I wrapped him up in a giant bear hug. I wasn’t lying nor did I exaggerate. I believe all those things and think that his biggest problem is that he is tired. The move was a big deal and he didn’t want to do it. He has already asked me how much money he needs to save to buy our old house back.

With a bit of luck this soccer season will help him realize that everything I said is true. It is hard to watch his discomfort, but I can’t do this stuff for him. All I can do is try and set things up so that he can learn and grow from it. Time will tell.

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