It is generally considered bad form to use your spoon to fling hors d’oeuvres at the other guests, even if theÂ hors d’oeuvres in question is covered with a sticky sauce that would make a greatÂ RorschachÂ pattern on a white top. Nor are you allowed to intentionally bump into someone in the hopes that they will spill red wine on said top. SadlyÂ defenestrationÂ isn’t even on the list of options but one day I hope to change that.
Two weeks ago at Back To School Night I heard a woman say,Â “Bloggers are among the biggest narcissists I have ever met.” She is one ofÂ the mean moms at the kids’ school and is part of a small group of women who can take pride in raising mean girls. After all these are the sort of accomplishments that we parents work hard to achieve.
Really, one day we all hope to say raise a glass and say that our daughters have become a bigger bitch than their mother. Note to self, if you ever hear anyone say that about your daughter you need to slap people silly, start with yourself.
Back to School Night is a cross between a parent social and a dog and pony show for the school. I like it for the same reasons that most people do. It is important to me to go meet the teachers and learn about how their classrooms work. It makes it much easier for me to help my children when I know something about what their teachers expect from them.
And I like the parent social. I have friends there and after a summer away it is good to catch up with them. What I don’t like are the politics and the game playing. They irritate me and remind meÂ there are more than a few reasons why I don’t think I would ever be elected to public office. It is not just because I inhaled or because I make fun of the Tea Party and OccupyWallStreet crowds. Nor is it because I can be exceptionally snotty and drown people in information about the political process and Constitutional law.
“Are you coaching soccer this year Jack?” I nodded my head and asked if he was. “I am. We have a really good team this year, I think we’ll be undefeated.” Â That is the kind of talk that makes me laugh. I probably shouldn’t have responded but the surgery to remove the filters from my mouth was successful. “I have always wanted to be the coach of an undefeated team of eight year-old girls.”
He moved on to speak with someone else and I got to listen to others share their thoughts about what the school should do and how they should do it. Good times. I probably would have enjoyed it more if the people involved were interested in having a discussion and not a soliloquy.
Are You Talking To Me?
If I suffered from bouts of paranoia I might have assumed that the comment about bloggers being narcissists was aimed at me. It did come from the wife of the undefeated soccer team and we did have a misunderstanding last year. Â Really I could write one hell of a post about being targeted by the mean girl collective.
It would give me a good excuse to tell you about how I told one of the husbands that I am not intimidated by a “lick it around the edges girl” and her husband “ride me Sheldon.” But as you can see I don’t need an excuse to work that into the story nor do I need to fabricate a reason to tell you that he told me that some people are fucked and others are fuckers. If I did I would have to relate the entire tale of my snottiness including the part where I told him that I don’t engage in pissing contests with men who don’t wear an extra large condom.
Sadly that has to be among the worst insults I have ever been given the opportunity to use. Really, it is embarrassing and I should strike that from the public record.
I don’t think that this woman was talking about me or that she knows about any of my blogs. If anything it was just coincidental that I heard her say that about bloggers. Â It is important to me to clarify that I really like the school that my kids go to. It has been fantastic and among the greatest gifts that we can give them. Life can take a lot of things from you but it can’t take your education.
The majority of the people, staff and faculty are simply wonderful and I am grateful for all that they have done for my children.