Several social media gurus told me that I was wrong to write a post about why your blog bores me. It was too negative and they say that readers hate negativity. I politely told them to BOGYA and then watched them try to figure out what those initials stand for. Surely the social media gurus know it as Bend Over and Grab Your Ankles and surely they know what a dad blogger is.
Or maybe they don’t so let me see if I can help. If I were Harry PotterÂ a chalkboard would magically appear and I would write these words on it:
Sometimes being a parent feels a bit like you are a contestant on one of those crazy Japanese game shows. You know what I am talking about. Youâ€™re dressed up in white coveralls and a motorcycle helmet. In a moment you are going to be blindfolded, covered in jello and forced to run through fire while being chased by screaming leprechauns.
Just before the buzzer sounds you look around and wonder WTF made you think this would be fun. But you never quite get to think about it because the horn sounded and you are too busy trying to outrun the hordes of angry little people who are being paid to do more than pretend to be ankle biters.
Life as an incredibly successful dad blogger consists of of my writing exceptionally wise, witty and insightful posts about these little moments of time.
For example, that little ditty about howÂ dad used a large piece of processed meat to defend himselfÂ in the grocery store wasn’t supposed to be funny. Really, it was just supposed to be a sort of modern fable about the need to eat healthy foods. And this little post was a reminder thatÂ flatulence in an elevatorÂ is never funny nor considerate. (PSA- the salami story is fiction- never slap another person with your salami.)
Why Being A Famous Dad Blogger Is Cool
When you are a famous Dad Blogger you get to do really cool things with really cool people. What sort cool things you ask? Well you get to play really cool Nintendo Games before they are released and you go to cool concerts like theÂ 25th Anniversary Symphony THE LEGEND OF ZELDA.
I know some of you are looking cross eyed at the screen now and asking yourself if the quality was similar to the dancing in the video below:
The answer is that it was fabulous. I don’t say that because I am a Nintendo Brand Ambassador or a famous and exceptionally wealthy blogger who writes about knowing your own worth, mean girls andÂ Why Your Post Sucks and Everyone Hates Your Blog.
No, I say it because the Pantages Theater is beautiful and the music was simply wonderful. Not to mention the audience which was filled with quite the assortment of people. Marcy’s commentÂ about them on her post made me snort, but maybe that is because of an incident in the men’s room.
There are 35 guys standing in line (East Coast people the term is in line- not online. When you use the Internet you go online. When you are waiting you stand in line.) waiting for a urinal. Some dude in costume strolls up and tries to cut ahead all of us. So I call out to him and remind him there is a line. “Hey buddy, there is a line. P.S. Mr. Spock wants his ears back.”
He didn’t find this funny nor did most people in there which either proves that my time as a stand up comedian is over or men really don’t talk in the bathroom. Â There is an unwritten rule about not talking at the urinal, but that is a story for a different day.
Maybe this is just another sign that I need to spend more time using that Ommwriter that Sugar blogged about.
On an unrelated side note this morning at breakfast in the hotel I sat across from a woman who looked like she could have starred in this Abba video
But the best part of all of this was coming home and receiving a hero’s welcome from my kids. We have had some rough spots and there is nothing better than seeing those Cheshire cat grins across their faces.