Editor’s note: This is a post that has run before but the information is so valuable the management has decided to run it again.
ANGER MANAGEMENT When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, donâ€™t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you donâ€™t know.
It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, â€œHello.â€ I politely said, â€œThis is Chris. May I please speak with Robin Carter?â€
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldnâ€™t believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robinâ€™s correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the â€˜wrongâ€™ number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, â€œYouâ€™re an asshole!â€ and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word â€˜assholeâ€™ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, Iâ€™d call him up and yell, â€œYouâ€™re an asshole!â€ It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic â€˜assholeâ€™ calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said: â€œHi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. Iâ€™m just calling to see if youâ€™re interested in the Caller ID program?â€ He yelled â€œNO!â€ and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, â€œThatâ€™s because youâ€™re an asshole!â€
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a â€œFor Saleâ€ sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, â€œIs this the man with the black BMW for sale?â€
â€œYes, it is.â€ â€œCan you tell me where I can see it?â€
â€œYes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. Itâ€™s a yellow house, and the carâ€™s parked right out in front.â€
â€œWhatâ€™s your name?â€ â€œMy name is Don Burgemeyer,â€ he said.
â€œWhenâ€™s a good time to catch you, Don?â€
â€œIâ€™m home every evening after five.â€
â€œListen, Don, can I tell you something?â€
â€œYes?â€ â€œDon, youâ€™re an asshole.â€
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasnâ€™t as enjoyable as it used to be.
So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
â€œYouâ€™re an asshole!â€ (But I didnâ€™t hang up.)
â€œAre you still there?â€ he asked.
â€œYeah,â€ I said.
â€œStop calling me,â€ he screamed.
â€œMake me,â€ I screamed back.
â€œWho are you?â€ he demanded.
â€œMy name is Don Burgemeyer.â€
â€œYeah? Where do you live?â€
â€œI live at 1802 West 34th Street, ASSHOLE!
Itâ€™s a yellow house, with my black beemer parked in front.â€
He said, â€œIâ€™m coming over there right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.â€
I said, â€œYeah, like Iâ€™m really scared, asshole.â€
Then I called Asshole #2.
â€œHello?â€ he said. â€œHello, asshole,â€ I saidâ€¦again, without hanging up.
He yelled, â€œIf I ever find out who you are!â€
â€œYeah, youâ€™ll what?â€ I said. â€œIâ€™ll kick your ass,â€ he exclaimed.
I answered, Well, asshole, hereâ€™s your chance. Iâ€™m coming over right now.â€
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way home to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News to let them know about the war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.
There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.
NOW, I feel better.
Anger management really works!!!