Santa Claus Doesn’t Eat Children
English: Krampus at Perchtenlauf Klagenfurt (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Some of you might wonder why a Jewish kid like myself would write about Santa. It is not because I once beat him to a bloody pulp or that I once wished death upon him either.
No, in this case it is because I learned that the man has a sort of arch nemesis that I never knew about and it is not the Martians. The fat man on the sleigh has a monster called the Krampus that eats bad kids.
Who knew.
I have got to get in touch with Santa’s PR team and tell them that they are missing out on a tremendous opportunity to make the man look even better. Really, they could turn this whole naughty and nice thing into something much more interesting. Now I am not a Don Draper kind of guy. My tagline of  “I may be fat but I don’t eat children” probably won’t see the light of day.
But if they move quickly they can probably come up with something catchy and make this into something really groovy. Take a look at the video of the Krampus and tell me that there isn’t real potential for something cool. Maybe Santa takes on the Krampus and the Evil Elf on the Shelf.
Ellie December 25, 2011 at 6:05 am
Santa Claus and Christmas will just never be the same again for me 😉
Ellie
Livefyre December 17, 2011 at 11:42 am
@TheJackB Thanks for the heads up on that. We’ll pass this to our dev team for further investigation and keep you posted in the meantime.
TheJackB December 17, 2011 at 11:44 am
@livefyre Thanks. That is not the only post like that, but maybe it is a uniform issue. Anyway, thank you again for your help.
Kate Shrewsday December 17, 2011 at 6:45 am
Well, now, that’s what I call common sense. It’s all very well rewarding our good kids with positive reinforcement, but in this day and ago one really needs a terrifying apparition to scare the bejeezers out of the little blighters who don’t tow the line. I’m now thinking of hiring Krampus for a really alternative Christmas.
TheJackB December 17, 2011 at 10:33 am
@Kate Shrewsday If I wasn’t Jewish I might hire the Krampus too. Sort of an interesting idea.
Late_Bloomers December 16, 2011 at 3:13 am
The good guys always have handimen to do their dirty work. I am wary of anybody wearing a costume or mask, and I cannot understand why adults should want to scare the shit out of children, do you?
TheJackB December 17, 2011 at 10:32 am
@Late_Bloomers I understand a “simple” scare but this does seem a bit extreme.
Ethel December 15, 2011 at 6:08 pm
ok i just show the video to my niece and nephew, they were both scared! lol
seattledad December 15, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Doesn’t Santa have a Machine Gun bolted to the side of his sleigh for taking those bad boys out?
Jack December 15, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Sure. There is a reason that Rudolph has a red nose- it activates the bazooka. 😉
TechyDad December 15, 2011 at 11:43 am
Santa has avoided me ever since, as a boy, I told my father to light a fire in our fireplace in case Santa mistook our Jewish household for one that celebrated Christmas.
Jack December 15, 2011 at 2:56 pm
That is funny. I like it.Smear the chimney with the smell of cookies and turn up the fire. 😉
Kaarina Dillabough December 15, 2011 at 5:58 am
OK, this officially creeped me out Jack. I am now going into my living room and hugging all my Santas. Yes…I’m a Santa lover. Do not send Krampus my way:) Cheers! Kaarina
Jack December 15, 2011 at 9:10 am
Kaarina,
Further research shows that surrounding yourself with Santa only attracts the Krampus.
They are twins.
Absence of Alternatives December 14, 2011 at 10:25 pm
And they should all participate in the Annual Santa Speedo Run in Boston!
There was a YouTube video being sent around last year of an evil Santa, have you seen it?
Jack December 15, 2011 at 9:09 am
I don’t think that I have seen the video or that I was aware of the Speedo run. That sounds like it could be quite the spectacle.
rebecca December 14, 2011 at 6:53 pm
I love your opening paragraph. Grabber. The video? Well, I’ve seen some kids pretty frightened by the man in the red suit…this theme music didn’t seem to be playing all the while. But maybe Mama’s Kissing Santa Claus is pretty scary.
Thanks for stopping by to chat about Kristen’s December Dilema.
Jack December 15, 2011 at 9:08 am
That man in the red suit has led to some great pix. Every year I see a few online that make me wonder who if visiting him is supposed to be a treat or punishment. 😉
Anne ( December 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm
That video is messed up. And funny.
Jack December 15, 2011 at 9:07 am
That parade looks like it could be a lot of fun.
Tracie December 14, 2011 at 4:33 pm
I would be a huge fan of anyone who takes out the elf on the shelf. Those things scare me!
Jack December 15, 2011 at 9:07 am
I am with you. Those things are like Chucky.