Suicide Isn’t Funny

If 2011 were a person I would deem it to be a frenemy.  Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t allow such a ridiculous word tarnish this joint.  No sir, under normal circumstances I would pick it up by the scruff of its neck and with one mighty swing send it flying out the door.

But it is well after midnight and I haven’t time to search for a finer way to express myself.

2011 has been both friend and adversary. Since we have gained thousands of new readers I’ll recount some of the fun, but not all. You’ll have to do some reading on your own- don’t be lazy.

My grandfather died the first week of August. My sister was married the following week. The family went on a trip. We came back and we moved. Approximately one month later one of my brother-in-laws ended up on life support and came far too close too dying.

A friend of mine’s heart was broken when her infant son died. More hearts were broken when two very dear friends were forced to say goodbye to their fathers. The following month I and many others were shocked by the death of one our friends. She died a month short of her 41st birthday.

All of these things and more have made me very cranky. I don’t apologize for it- I am entitled to be irritated.

Fast forward to this Wednesday afternoon. I am trying to open a package that someone has undoubtedly coated in grease and elephant snot glue. I am having a devil of a time doing it and I mutter to myself,  “someone shoot me in the head, it would hurt less.”

I had thought that I was alone, but I was not. Little Jack, the smaller, smarter and better version of myself was there. A week short of 11 he tells me that suicide isn’t funny. He is right. It isn’t. I know four people who killed themselves and am well aware of how awful it can be.

But I didn’t say it with the intention of killing myself.

I want the record to be clear. If 2011 was a woman I would divorce/break up with her yesterday. The sex may be great but the pain and aggravation isn’t worth it.

If 2011 was a man I would do my best to walk away and or castrate him.

If 2011 was my job I would quit or just beat myself over the head with a bat. It would be faster.

But let me set the record straight. It has never been so bad that I wanted to throw in the towel. There have been plenty of good things and good times. I see daylight. I see opportunity and I see abundance.

And as a member of the very cranky man association I want to enjoy the success that is coming in large part so I can look back at 2011 and say Fuck you!

Attitude makes a significant difference. The kids hear that all the time. I try hard to make it clear that it is not just something that I say.

I also made a point to make sure that my son understood that what I said had no meaning. I am guessing that one day soon I’ll catch him using colorful language and he’ll tell me that what he said had no meaning. On that day I’ll be proud that he is smarter than I am and aggravated.

They are always watching and listening…these children of mine. But that is going to be a good thing because when push comes to shove they’ll see me push back and understand that when things get tough attitude makes a difference.

This won’t be the last I write or speak of 2011 but I have had enough for tonight. The last thing I have to say to 2011 is that I can’t wait to defenestrate your bony ass. Better buy a parachute because I am going to use the law of attraction to get what I want and that is higher up on my list.

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