The Secret To Better Sex Is…

SEX SELLS (Girls just wanna have fun)

The secret to better sex is not contained within the confines of this post but it is still worth your time to read it. Besides you are already here so you might as well take a moment to come inside where it is warm, the coffee is plentiful and the stories pleasurable.

The week in between Christmas and New Years is a funny time in the blogosphere. It is exceptionally slow and incredibly busy. Surf the net and you will find large chunks of cyberspace devoid of people and activity. Some of the denizens of those locations are on vacation, in hibernation or engaged in alternative recreation.

But if you hit other spaces you will find all sorts of interesting activity. Millions of blog posts are being written about what 2011 was like and or about what they hope 2012 will be. There are infinite collections of hopes, dreams and resolutions being made.

Not here. Here it is business as usual. The words insist on being shared and the stories demand to be told so I honor their wishes and work on providing a pleasant and appropriate experience.

Come hang out here and you take a moment to read Tips and Tools for Writing or He Died A Hero. There is a story about this story that I may tell one day.

And just for the heck of it here are pieces of a bigger puzzle, little fragments from other posts that you might one day want to read.

“I work in darkness and I work in light. In spite of adversity I work to find the way back to our secret world. Only time will tell if this is a fool’s errand or a noble quest. But at the end of the day I do what I must so that I can accept whatever the outcome of this journey may be.” Source 1

“I gather myself and prepare for the confrontation that must come, the challenge will be met head on, I don’t know any other way. The hard part sometimes is making me do so in a timely fashion, sometimes I hesitate and avoid it. But I never completely duck it. Sooner or later I will hit it and hit it hard.” Source 2

“The heart wants what the heart wants. It reminds me of Shakespeare, Life is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing. Somewhere my high school English teacher Mrs. McDonnell is smiling. Little Jimmy actually remembered a line from Macbeth. See ma’am, I told you that I could hear just as well in sunglasses as without.” Source 3

“The cavalry never comes. He is alone and it is up to him alone to find a way to survive. He must be his own hero and he must find a way to rescue himself. It sounds like a very lonely existence and at times it is. He often feels as if he lives alone and apart, but he knows the warmth of love and friendship too.” Source 4

“Yet…I am not so sure that he is right. When I close my eyes I see you staring back at me. Lightning crashes and I am convinced that it can strike twice. I have that knowing smile, that crazy curvy lip you remember. The promises of the past and the echoes of the future tell me that some things aren’t quite done. The whispers in the wind tell of a time coming that will give the truth of the matter.” Source 5

“I told you that I would be your hero and that if you called for help I would do whatever it took to rescue you. But the truth is that I need you to rescue me as badly as you need me to rescue you. We have always known this.

So I kissed you one last time. One final kiss so that we’d never forget. One kiss so that if we ever lost our way we could use it to find our way back.” Source 6

“And in the end all that can be said is that you are loved. You are loved and appreciated, cherished for who you are not just yesterday but today. Loved because that is just how it is. And maybe one day we’ll find that quiet moment again and you’ll see that I never stopped Dancing In The Fire.” Source 7

“Some pieces of our life are not built upon logic. There are no equations that we can solve or scientific rules to be applied. They don’t lend themselves to the laws that Faraday, Newton or Einstein spoke of. Sudoku can be understood, this cannot at least not in the traditional sense. And that is ok.” Source 8

“The song of my heart you touch those places inside that others are refused entry to. Your smile warms my soul and makes me believe that I can do things that I might not otherwise dare to consider. There is a beauty and grace that you carry with you.” Source 9

“Because the truth was that your heart told you that June was still out there and that the end to this story had yet to be written. The promises you made were still valid. The love you shared still lived. And maybe, just maybe there might be chance to pick things up somewhere down the road.” Source 10

Stay tuned to this Bat Channel. This post is being written a few minutes before Midnight on a Tuesday evening. It will be hump day by the time you read it and who knows what sort of exciting tales will demand to be told.

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  1. Leon Noone December 29, 2011 at 5:17 am

    G’Day Jack,
    And here was I, thinking that you young blokes could teach we oldies a thing or two. Just another misleading headline.

    I’m reminded of a scene in one of J. P. Dunleavy’s books where the hero observes His landlord having sex with his wife as she lies there reading the Sunday newspaper over his shoulder.

    What would your friend Me Clemens had to say about that?

    All good clean fun

    • Jack December 29, 2011 at 4:12 pm

      Well Leon there are a few tricks that I could tell you about. There is the cleveland monkey bender in which…

      Ah, I should save that for a later date because that is the sort of story that should only be told after the lights go out.

      I think that our dear friend Mr. Clemens might allude to these tales being similar to that of his death.

  2. Chloe December 28, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    I am always tempted to give my posts racy titles, but knowing that most of my readers are homeschool moms (of which I once was one) holds me back. Even when I KNOW that certain titles would be excellent for SEO. Oh well.

    You got me. Even though I think my sex life is pretty good, there is always room for improvement.

    • Jack December 28, 2011 at 11:21 pm

      I rather enjoy my role as the loose cannon of the blogosphere. I never know what I will do or say until I do it.

      And on a related note I hope that when I reach the half century mark I can talk about having an amazing sex life. Got to have something to shoot for, I’d say someone but I might get in trouble. 😉

  3. Sandi Amorim December 28, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Did someone mention sex? 😉

  4. Bill Dorman December 28, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    I want the better sex story….just sayin’….

    Out the door to play tennis; I will try to make it back tomorrow before you have 7 more posts in here….:)

  5. Renee Schuls-Jacobson December 28, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    You are a sneaky little bastard.

    I’m just glad the Christmas posts have slowed to a trickle. I was about to buy a shotgun. 😉

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