“As the riders loped on by him he heard one call his name
If you want to save your soul from Hell a-riding on our range
Then cowboy change your ways today or with us you will ride
Trying to catch the Devil’s herd, across these endless skies”
I relate to those lines better than I like to admit. Been chasing ghosts and goblins and running under a moonlit sky to try to capture lightning in a bottle.
Been wandering through the fields and across sandy beaches looking for someone or something that I can’t quite see or hear- but I feel their/its touch.
I continue to ask if things happen for a reason and wonder why I can’t get a straight answer from the places, power, people and things I feel. There is blood in the toilet and a host of aches and pains but I continue to follow the path I sense. It doesn’t matter to me if there are doors, walls, windows or cliffs in the way because I simply keep going.
It is what I do best…keep going.
I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion –
I have shudderâ€™d at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyrâ€™d for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you.
~ by John Keats ~
I once sent those words to someone. I wonder if she still has them and whether she remembers.
Middle school approaches faster than I would like it to. The baby boy is not a baby any longer. Every day he grows taller and the days of his childhood grow a bit shorter. There are still many years to go and quite the road to walk but I hear the echoes of the future ringing and I must answer them.
He is more capable and better prepared for middle school than I think he is. That is not because I am over protective or have some sort of romanticized perspective. It is simply part of parenthood. There are these moments of truth when you realize that the transition you are preparing for is already in motion.
And we are in transition. We have been for months. The changes started long ago and they keep rolling along. It reminds me a bit of the surf. The waves come in and go out. There are moments when the tide is high and we find ourselves treading water but there are also many when the tide is out and we walk in areas that are not always accessible.
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
If we listened to our intellect, weâ€™d never have a love affair. Weâ€™d never have a friendship. Weâ€™d never go into business, because weâ€™d be too cynical. Well, thatâ€™s nonsense. Youâ€™ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.
~ by Ray Bradbury ~
Sometimes I think that Bradbury wrote those lines for me. I met him once. Many years ago he visited the Encino/Tarzana library and I listened to him speak, but I can’t remember what it was about. He signed a copy of The Martian Chronicles and Fahrenheit 451.
I didn’t just jump off the cliff. I ran. Built up a head of steam and hit the end at full speed and heaved my body out into space. I like to think that it was graceful but I expect that in reality it was 230 pounds of five year-old boy/man, limbs flailing every which way.
The Stones sing that you can’t always get what you want but if you try real hard you can get what you need. Part of growing older is figuring out what that means. Part of growing older is gaining the experience and wisdom to figure out what that is and how get it.