I Am A Father & A Writer

Three weeks ago I said that 2011 was a real motherfucker. I meant it then and I mean it now. It is not because I knew that my friend Margie was going to write a post about cussing in the blogosphere.

Earlier this week I started to write a post with a headline that said, “How Three Blow Jobs a Day Made One Man A Better Blogger. My friend Jayme suggested that there are better headlines to use and she was right. It wasn’t appropriate for the post that I was going to write.

I started it because I was irritated. I was cranky. I was frustrated.  I could give you a list of the reasons why but I am not in the mood nor do I need to justify it.

But I am a father and I try to live by the rules/advice I dole out and it made sense to change. Made sense to change because I tell my son not to paint himself into corners. Don’t make ultimatums and force yourself into having to do something that will hurt more than help.

So I changed my direction, my focus and my headline. It made sense.

Three Links

I have three links to share with you now.

25 Things Writers Should Start Doing (ASAFP)– Chock full of wisdom and practical advice. I love this.

Relax With White Noise– This is a site that you can use to help you focus. It is not the only one that I use but the point is that there are tools we can use to help us focus and tune out the crap that distracts us. Right now I am listening to this. It is different than the others but it helps me focus.
101 Simple Truths We Often Forget– Simple things that are worth remembering because the truth that you find eases the burdens we carry.

Stop Trying So Hard

I need to remind myself to stop trying so hard. I need to remember that force of will doesn’t always make the world do what we want it to do.

It is not easy for me, but I often speak with my children about learning how to go along to get along. It is not something that I do very well.

Earlier this week my daughter melted down. She was mentally and physically exhausted. She screamed at me and told me that she hates living in this house.

I understand. She doesn’t really hate this house but she knows that it has always been a temporary stop. Most of our stuff is packed away in storage. We have been here for almost six months now and for the most part it has been great.

But it hasn’t changed the fact that this is temporary and that she knows it.

Part of me feels guilty because she got stuck with a bit of a raw deal. She didn’t get a birthday party with all of her friends. In the grand scheme of things this is a minor thing to be irritated about, but when you are seven it is not so minor.

Open houses and moving arrangements prevented us from holding the party at the old house. Not to mention my sister’s wedding and my grandfather’s death. We almost had it shortly thereafter but most of her friends went on end of summer family vacations.

School came and life happened. My BIL spent three weeks on life support, one of my sisters ended up in the ER and life happened. So her party didn’t.

It doesn’t mean that we didn’t celebrate her birthday because we had a family party and her best friend hung out with her too. But still, I feel badly about this.

She is unsettled and anxious to move somewhere where she feels like she is going to put down roots.

Do The Work

Right now my focus is upon doing the work that I need to do to get to that next place. Transitions are hard. Writing jobs have been a little bit slower lately but I am still running around like crazy. It is ‘busy work’ that is slowing me down. I can be more productive. It is part of why I remind myself not to try so hard.

My best writing has yet to come. I have produced some good material but there are better things coming and part of that happens by doing the work.

It is sort of an ambiguous term, ‘do the work’ that is. I have a very clear understanding of what it means to me. At the moment it means trying to settle on where ‘home’ is going to be. Some of that is out of my control. There is a good chance that ‘work’ means moving out of the city. It is part of why we haven’t finalized living arrangements.

Doing the work also means that I need to continue to build more time in for working out. I play basketball twice a week and walk on the treadmill each day, but I need to find a way to incorporate weights into my routine. I feel better when I lift consistently and that has been inconsistent.

Have Fun

In the midst of all this I offer myself this simple reminder to have fun. If you don’t know me in real life you aren’t aware that I laugh a lot but I want to laugh more. Life is too short and I intend to have more fun than I am having now.

Remember way back in the beginning I said that I was changing my focus, well having fun is part of that change. I am trying hard to get more time in doing fun stuff with the kids. Don’t care if that is chasing them around at the park, playing Nintendo with them at home or just hanging out.

I just need more time with them where I am not shushing them because I have to work. Good things are coming, I can feel it.