How To Deal With Mean Girls & Mean Moms

English: A Bully Free Zone sign - School in Be...

English: A Bully Free Zone sign – School in Berea, Ohio (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The mean girls are back again and so are their mothers. We have a history, the mean girls, their mothers and I. They don’t like me and I don’t like them. If I had my druthers we wouldn’t have to interact at all and things would go more smoothly but that isn’t the case.

The fly in the ointment lies in their involvement at my children’s school and my refusal to let them run the show. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the situation let me provide some background

The PTA at my childrens’ school is fantastic. The parents are very involved and that is important to me because I believe that a good school requires parental support. You need more than the teachers to push the children. It really does take a village to raise/educate our kids and we are lucky to have found a good one.

However we have a collection of stay-at-home mothers who have their own beliefs on how things should operate and who should be running them. Most of the moms are great and I really appreciate their time because the work they do helps my children as well as their own.

Unfortunately this includes a group of women who think that being called a bitch is a compliment and that is how they operate. If you are not part of their inner circle they have no problem treating you like their servant.

Well dear reader, your friendly, neighborhood curmudgeon Jack doesn’t cotton to that kind of approach or treatment. I don’t play their reindeer games and we have banged heads on multiple occasions. That is because I have been lucky enough to have had employment that allows me to show up at school during the day and have been privileged to be a chaperone on field trips.

They don’t like it. They don’t like it because when they send out emails assigning tasks to people I click on reply all and suggest that sometimes we should do things differently. They don’t like it because I’ll write back and say it is ridiculous to spend a ton of cash on a parent social and remind them that we need to be more inclusive.

I am not bothered by saying that some things are too much money. I don’t have the same bank account as some of them and I don’t care. I have enough command of the language to play their game of “let’s make people wonder if they have just been insulted” but I rarely do that with them because it is more fun to be direct.

My daughter and her friends tell me that the daughters of these mothers are nasty. To quote the dark haired beauty, “they make alliances against people.” On a side note, I am impressed that she knew how to use the word properly.

Don’t Waste Your Time

One of the fathers told me that it is a waste of time to get involved here and I understand what he is saying but I disagree. I am tired of listening to the scuttlebutt about these women and tired of the complaints. It is just another form of bullying.

If they were men I could invite them to come play basketball with us and then just throw a lot of elbows but that is frowned upon. I was also told that I am not supposed to suggest that the mean moms have husbands who have been emasculated and that is not good form to suggest that they earn their keep at home based upon the amount of time they spend on their backs.

But to me a bully is a bully is a bully and the way to stop a bully is to hit them back. For the sake of my trolls let me clarify that I am not suggesting that these women be hit by me or any man. If a woman wanted to hit them I would ask that they let me know in advance so that I might sell tickets. 😉

Ultimately I see this as a teaching moment for my children. I want them to understand that sometimes we take a stand for things we believe in. I want them to recognize that when people don’t take a stand bad things can happen. I want them to understand that it is not a badge of honor to call yourself an ‘asshole’ or a ‘bitch.’

Life’s too short.

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  1. Zman071501 August 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    i hate my mom

  2. Zman071501 August 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    i hate my mom

  3. Saul Fleischman January 26, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    Nice vent, but, if only we could get this article to those bitches – (and moreover, to their legions of under-bitches)!

    • Jack January 27, 2012 at 6:33 am

      Hi Saul,

      I have thought about that and I wonder if it would be effective at encouraging change or if they would feign outrage.

      Some people don’t see and or don’t care how their behavior impacts others.

  4. Chopperpapa January 26, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    I’m going to surmise that your daughter is in elementary school. Or at least in that grade range, personally mine is n the 4th and I am anxiously waiting for the day when middle school starts and I never have to see a soccer mom every again.

    • Jack January 27, 2012 at 6:29 am

      Second grade. Most of the kids in her class have been together since pre-school so this sort of nonsense has been going on for quite some time now.

      Middle school will make for some interesting changes. Less parental involvement, but I wonder if we’ll see more drama from the kids.

      • Kristen Daukas February 12, 2012 at 7:19 am

        Yes. It all rolls to the kids in Middle School. Middle School is a mixed bag for me.. you aeren’t so involved so you didn’t have to deal with the Queen Bees ( but I miss poking the stick at the nest) but you’re also not as involved with the kids. And since parents aren’t involved as much, the Mean Girls can gain more strength because Mama Queen Bee isn’t helicoptering around. The drama we’ve had to deal with this year is exhausting… it’s just ridiculous. Lucky for my oldest, I have zero tolerance for these kind of people so I’m able to help her sharpen her line of defense when it comes to them. PC only goes so far.

        • Jack February 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

          Hi Kristen,

          Welcome to the blog. You have touched upon a ton of things that I keep hearing about middle school.

          I can’t say that I am looking forward to some of the crap that seems to come along with Middle School. From what I hear it doesn’t matter what school the kids go to because it is everywhere.

          So I suppose that all we can do is try to prepare the kids for it and then support them as best we can.

          I am with you regarding PC words and conversations. Sometimes there is a need and a reason to use words that have more impact.

  5. Adam January 26, 2012 at 9:55 am

    It’s all about people who have to exert some control over some part of their lives.

    The PTA is the easiest place for them to do that, and they can show their kids how powerful they are and how important they are.

  6. Bruce Sallan January 25, 2012 at 10:18 am

    I dealt with all this and then some a decade ago. The women didn’t even want a dad in their midsts. The solution for me turned out to be great. I gave ANY money I was going to give to the Parent Org/School DIRECTLY to my boy’s classes/teachers in the form of things they needed, like a copy machine in their room.

    I volunteered ONLY in my own kid’s classes. Got to know some of THOSE moms and they were great as we’d sit in the back and do the busy-work for “Our” teacher.

    Life is too short…

    • Jack January 25, 2012 at 6:36 pm

      Hi Bruce,

      I still get the push back from some of the mothers. Some of the other dads and I have spoken about it so I know that it is not just me.

      I think that your idea is great. Sometimes you have to focus your time/money/attention that way.

  7. Jack January 24, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Hi Alexis,

    It is a little bit of both. Consider it a figurative kick in the ass or punch in the mouth and a verbal message that we won’t tolerate this behavior.

  8. Alexis January 24, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    Are you “hitting them back” or simply shining a light? People don’t address this sort of subversive bullying (it’s a lot easier to deal with somebody that hits you after school than with somebody who simply doesn’t include you in an activity) because there is generally little upside and it often requires sticking your neck out when nobody will openly back you up. Personally I respect that you are willing to do so. Also the Mean Mommies only win if you let them bother you 🙂

  9. Tracie January 24, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    I really don’t understand this new world we live in where bitch is a compliment. I definitely would not feel complimented.

    Good for you for standing up and being direct with them!! Obviously no one else in their lives have done that, and it is a great teaching moment for your kids.

    • Jack January 24, 2012 at 8:47 pm

      I don’t understand it either. It seems to me like it is a combination of selfishness and plain old fashioned laziness.

      Have to be direct because I just don’t have it in me to let them run roughshod over everyone and everything.

      Just not my nature.

  10. Bill Dorman January 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    Oh, so you are ‘that’ guy, huh?

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