How To Write a Post That People Will Read

It is not hard to write a post that people will read. All you need to do is tell a story that has a beginning, a middle and an end. Oh, and don’t forget to come up with something that people can relate to.

For example I could write about what a struggle it was to get the children out of bed, dressed, fed and off to school. Many of you aren’t parents but quite a few are and you know how challenging it can be.

Used all of tricks today, including singing some School House Rocks Songs With them like:


Most mornings that kind of thing works for us but not today. Nope, today they didn’t want to move so I had to adjust. For those who are curious none of them involved posting a video on Facebook and I am pleased to say that no laptops were harmed in the process of not making the damn video.

I walked into my son’s room and told him that if he didn’t get out of bed I would be the father that goes nuts on the sidelines during kid’s sporting events. That might have worked but he already knows that I am the guy that tells that other father to stuff it. Damn kid actually pays enough attention to know my lines before I use them.

Mulled over some other ideas. Played Crazy Train and told him that one day I’d make like Ozzy in front of his friends but that didn’t faze him either. Damn that Ozzy for making a freaking MTV show that made him look like an ordinary fellow. Ok, my kid hasn’t ever seen that show but I can say WTF is this win a colonoscopy commercial.

Ozzy, this is almost as bad as what George Lucas did with the additional Star Wars movies. Stop Raping my childhood. Stop! Stop! Stop! Since the kids were running late I wrote a note for them to give to the school office saying that they had a doctor’s appointment and signed it “Epstein’s Mother.” They didn’t find that funny but I sure did. Made a point to tell them both “up your nose with a rubber hose” and then laughed like a lunatic.

Again they didn’t care because they know that sometimes dad comes unhinged. That is because I try not to take life too seriously. It is all part of my effort to become The Greatest Dad Blogger of Them All. I suppose it is because that unsettled feeling is back again.

It is another one of those moments where I say in Yiddish A mentsh tracht und Gott lacht – A person plans and God laughs.  There has been a lot of laughter lately. Most of the time I am pretty good at rolling with the punches.

Moments like now are part of how I come up with posts like The Perfect Blog Post and How To Write The Perfect Blog Post Part II. I write and write and then write some more.

I do my damndest to tell a story that you can see and feel and then I just say fuck it and turn on something like the song below and dance like a crazy and uninhibited motherfucker.

BTW, don’t ask me to dance in public because it probably won’t happen. I am too damn self conscious. Although I have to concede that back in the fraternity days you could find me on the floor but that was much easier. It was wall to wall people and you didn’t have to do much. Besides it was dark.

I watched the Celebrity Apprentice yesterday. Lou Ferrigno said in his heyday he weighed 330 and had 2% body fat. Now he only weighs 260, slacker. Hell in my heyday I weighed a bit over 200 and  had 9% body fat and I wasn’t a professional bodybuilder, but I won’t hold that against him.

What I will hold against me is the tendency to look backwards and compare myself now to what I was then. My daughter looked at my college pictures and asked how I got all the lines in my stomach. I flexed and she laughed. “Daddy, they are only there when you make that stomach muscle.

Daughters are good for deflating egos.

But I am not looking back because it is not 1985, 1988 any more. It is not 1995 or any of those other years I mentioned. It is 2012 and I am man in his early forties. That means that I deal with what I have right here, right now. That means that if I want it badly enough I can rebuild my body and recreate the feeling I had.

The rules of the blog are simple and they call for brutal honesty. I won’t lie. I loved having the girls ask me to show off my abs but what I loved more was how I felt physically and mentally. It wasn’t the ego trip that made me feel good. It was being in great physical shape. I didn’t have mystery aches and pains. I could run all day if I wanted to.

Well now I want that back because I owe it to me and to my kids.

Every day is a new beginning and I am ready for mine.

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  1. Betsy Cross March 25, 2012 at 11:24 am

    I promise to take my kids to school as they are, underwear and all. And sometimes, because it makes me laugh, I spray them with water.

  2. Bruce Sallan February 24, 2012 at 7:16 am

    It doesn’t hurt that for YOU, JB, you write alot, you’re good at it, and you don’t struggle too much (if at all?) coming up with material. You ARE a writer…many others that try should stick to their day jobs! Lol…

    • Jack February 24, 2012 at 7:28 am

      Hi Bruce,

      I don’t struggle for ideas but I sometimes struggle with quality. I dislike most of what I write but I tend to be very hard on myself.

      Still writing is like so many other things, something that improves with practice. So that is what I do and encourage others to do.

      Practice, practice, practice. It gets easier.

  3. Vic February 21, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    Hi Jack,

    I think every blogger out there has struggled with this one once or twice. I think the best thing to do is to tie them to a chair a tape their eyelids open. Or you could just write really great content. Please forgive me it’s very late where I am.

    • Jack February 24, 2012 at 7:21 am

      Hi Vic,

      My apologies for the delayed response. I thought that I had replied.

      Sometimes tying their butt to the chair is the best way to get them to sit down, focus and write.

  4. Jens P. Berget February 21, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    I remember when Ozzy killed a bird on stage (I think it was a bird or a bat), and drank the blood from it. I used to believe that it actually happen. I used to think that Ozzy was pure evil, and I was scared, but I kept listening to the songs, over and over again. I didn’t watch the TV show much, but from the few episodes I did watch, it made me stop listening to his songs. Like Bill said, the mystery is gone and so are the meanings of the lyrics. On the other hand, it was a different time, like for you and me. I don’t believe that I used to look any better than I do now, but I didn’t feel back pains back then.

    And, you should come up with a miracle solution on how to get the kids out of bed in the morning before school, and how to make them stay in bed a little longer in the weekends 🙂

    • Jack February 22, 2012 at 12:36 am

      I still listen to Ozzy but the mystique is gone. If I put him on it is usually as the soundtrack to part of my workout.

      If I come up with that miracle solution you will hear about it. Parents all over the world will pay for me to come visit their homes and schools.

      That would make me a billionaire. 😉

  5. Bill Dorman February 21, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Ozzie totally killed it; where’s the mystique. He should be ashamed of himself…..

    Like you, fitness is still important to me. No, I don’t have washboard abs and never will again at this point, but I’m comfortable in my skin. I like looking forward, and I like what I see.

    Let’s enjoy the journey.

    • Jack February 21, 2012 at 7:22 pm

      Hi Bill,

      That mystique is gone. Now he comes across as so much less than he was. Does it matter? I don’t know.

      What matters is being able to look forward and smile while doing it. That is important.

  6. Julie February 21, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Ha! Jack, you did it, you need never do another thing for me – I got my good post with the tunes. Conjunction Junction being my all time favorite.

    Just because God laughs doesn’t mean the universe is against your plans. Remember when we’re being re-tested it often means they’re just making sure you learned that lesson. You didn’t think you’d get away with anything less than the rest of us, right? Carry on.

  7. Gina February 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    I liked everything about this post…beginning, middle and ending. Conjunction Junction and The Bill take me all the way back to grade school. Funny to still remember the words.

    “A person plans and God laughs” is very true!

    Start that new beginning!

  8. Kaarina Dillabough February 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Dance, Jack, Dance! I will lower the lights:) Cheers! Kaarina

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