But the thing is that I am too tired to fall asleep so I came down to the computer to try to quiet the clamor in my head. I figured that if I could get the mind to shut down for a few I might actually fall asleep, but thus far it hasn’t happened.
Editor’s note: There used to be a picture but when I moved hosting companies I lost it. Oops.
That pile rocks you see is there courtesy of yours truly. I won’t tell you how many pounds IÂ pouredÂ around the yard because I don’t want to make you feel badly. Heck, an old man like me shouldn’t be able to just carry 2000 pounds of beach rock like it was nothing.
Ok, it wasn’t 2,000 pounds nor did it feel like nothing because it felt like something. The good news is that while I was doing it felt like something great and then later on parts of my body declared war on the rest of us. I do believe that my shoulders convinced my hands to make a fist which then slammed into the side of my head, but I can’t confirm that.
What I can confirm is that I have one hell of a knot on the left side of my back and that I am kind of sore in other places. It sort of snuck up on me because I didn’t do any of that work today.
Today is Yom Yerushalayim, it is a celebration of the reunification of Jerusalem. Some years I like to video that was taken during ’67 when they retook the city. It is something that means a lot to me, but this year I am not going to embed the videos. If you want to see them go visit David. My focus is in a slightly different direction.
That is because my kids spent all sorts of time quizzing me today about whether I still want to live in Jerusalem and why. They haven’t been yet so all they know are stories and pictures. I can talk about the city for hours and I have.
At the moment I am most interested in going back as a writer. It is a very fine city for writers. There are more stories waiting to be heard and to be told than you can imagine. That is part of why it was easy to write An Uncertain Certainty.
You were there. You stood next to me, our fingers intertwined staring at the masses. It was Friday night and the plaza was packed. My eyes were closed and I was slowly rocking back and forth, unconsciously giving thanks for having been given the song of my heart.
We were 15, we were twenty, we were 50 and then we were 80. I saw it all. I saw us alone.I saw us together. I saw our children and I saw our grandchildren. We stood together and shared those moments in time. Single, married, children, Bar Mitzvahs, weddings, grandchildren and then we were gone.
It was just myself and the wall. Just myself at the Kotel, head resting against the stone, alone in the night and lost in the thoughts that we think.
I have been dreaming of the children of Jerusalem and broken promises. Â I have been lost in moments that once were or could have been, wondering what it means, if it means anything at all.
Because you were there. You, the song of heart who no longer sings her song to me were there. You who once promised to walk with me wherever it was we chose to walk are there no longer.
You have gone away and left me aloneâ€¦and apart.
You who helped me to remember that love burns and that two are more than oneâ€¦.is gone.
But though you have left me you are not really gone. You have never quite left. I still see you. I still feel youâ€¦.and I know.
I know that the ache is not mine alone. I know that the absence of your presence is a pain that we share for you know the loss of mine as well. Your stubborn nature wonâ€™t permit you to admit it or to ask for shelter in my arms. You wonâ€™t let yourself admit that you feel what you feel.
But I know things. I know things about you. I know things about me. I know things about us.
It is an uncertain certaintyâ€¦this feeling of mine. I donâ€™t have to see you, the song of my heart, to hear you singing our song again. I donâ€™t know if you are conscious of it or aware that it is happeningâ€¦but it is.
I know these things because I feel them in the places that have been both full and empty. I know these things because I feel my heart harmonizing with yours and I tremble. Fear and anger rise up more frequently than faith.
It is a battle between heart and head. This uncertain certainty that you wish to renew and rebuild.
So now I wait and wonder if this feeling is fake and if my heart has been found false. It is uncomfortable, awkward and uncertain. A contradiction it is, this uncertain certainty.
We were 15, we were twenty, we were 50 and then we were 80. I saw it all. I saw us alone.I saw us together.
Mario Tennis Open
Oh there are tales that I could tell and tales that should be told but the time is far too late to dive into those. Instead I will tell you that earlier this week I received a copy of Mario Tennis Open. I got it as part of my role as a Brand Ambassador for Nintendo and had a blast playing it.
In the interest of making sure that the FTC is happy I will disclose again that I received it free of charge, which is kind of cool. But it is not nearly as cool as having my son tell me that he wanted to train me so that I could win the tournament I played in.
Yep, the boy wonder told Batman he had a few tricks up his sleeve that other people might not know. He also asked me if I was going to blog about it and I said yes, I am a powerful dad blogger and the earth shakes when I walk to which he replied with a serious eye roll.
That lasted until he caught me glaring at him. Got to nip that eye roll thing in the bud.
Anyhoo, the best part was the pride I felt watching him train me. He hadn’t played it before but he was certain that he is better at video games than I am and told me it was his responsibility to look out for me.
I loved that. It was genuine. It was real and it was him showing more maturity.Â I didn’t mention to him that he was channeling me while he taught me what to do because he doesn’t want to hear that any more than I want to be told that I am channeling my dad.
But I have to tell you that it was still very cool. That kid is growing up far too quickly.
Hajra May 20, 2012 at 10:02 am
I loved reading more about Jerusalem. I like reading about religions and what they have to say and this introduces me to a new term.Â
TheJackB May 20, 2012 at 6:57 pm
Â @Hajra Â glad to be of service.
JD84 May 20, 2012 at 8:52 am
I enjoyed reading that, and now I remember all the work that’s to be done around the house. Please do write some more about Jerusalem!
TheJackB May 20, 2012 at 6:57 pm
Â @JD84Â I most certainly will.