It Is Not The Thought That Counts
I don’t know about you but I am my own worst enemy and my biggest critic. I mention this because today I heard someone say it is the thought that counts and I rolled my eyes.
It wasn’t because I was upset with them but because I am irked with myself. I have a dozen different ideas that are banging around inside my head but I have only taken action on a few of them.
Been thinking about whether this is an acceptable place to be and I keep coming up with snake eyes.
It is not acceptable.
More action is required and less time wondering, waiting and researching. That is not to say that I am the sole reason for the lack of progress in some areas because that is not true either.
Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes shit happens and you stop chasing the dream of becoming the world’s greatest dad blogger as declared by Babble and three editors.
Got these little people who live with me who need attention. Little people who want to ride bikes, need help with their homework and want to talk about why people would fly planes into buildings.
Truth is they are probably my favorite excuses to set aside work and ignore the projects that I want to be playing with. Time moves ever so quickly and soon they won’t have the same interest and time so I don’t want to miss out now.
I Don’t Want To Say
I don’t want to reach a place where we realize that we haven’t spent enough time together and I tell them that I meant to do it. My children aren’t going to hear me say it is the thought that counts because that is just not acceptable.
This is the beginning of the homestretch for 2012 and I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to make one last push. I feel the clock tick tocking the moments away like I have never felt it before and it is making me a little bit crazier than normal.
Can’t help but think that when I was a kid if I would have understood how fast time moves I wouldn’t have wasted a moment. I think that is what is driving me right now, the feeling that I am not being productive in the areas I want to be.
That is not to say that I am not getting things done because I am, but it is not enough. It is just not enough.
A Silly Confession
Some people say that when you get older you begin to mellow out but I am beginning to feel like I skipped that lesson. I could swear I am becoming more competitive than I ever was and I don’t totally understand it.
I never liked losing much but lately I really hate it. So I find myself wanting to go full bore in everything and that just doesn’t make sense. Really, in the grand scheme of life what difference does it make if I win or lose at Scrabble or pick up basketball.
It really doesn’t. There are no medals or awards to be had and though I understand that my reaction sometimes surprises me. I just hate losing, especially when I feel like I could have beaten them if I had just pushed a little bit harder.
Maybe this drive to push myself harder comes from feeling a bit like I have gotten sucker punched in a few areas. Maybe it is because some of the reasons why I haven’t been as productive as I would like are things that were outside of my control.
That could be it, control that is. Maybe this is just me pushing to take control of the areas that I know I can run.
Ultimately I am not going to spend much time wasting time wondering why I feel this way. That is because my gut says the way to handle this is to just get shit done. Work around the roadblocks and challenges and make things happen.
As part of that process I might do something that I don’t normally do: make a list.
I am not a list maker. I am not the guy who makes list of successes but maybe I need to review it. Maybe I should look. Certainly can’t hurt.
Anyhoo, it is time to catch some shut eye. Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.