I Hate Your Cat

«Living in such a hot country isn't something nice for snow leopards!»

This post was going to be called “The Time I Got Caught With My Hand In My Pants” but then I stumbled onto three blogs filled with cat pictures and decided to go a different direction.

That is because I hate your cat and your pictures. Maybe it is because I am allergic and that furball makes my eyes water, my nose run and sneeze so hard I can feel it in my groin.

That is a hard sneeze. You do know you aren’t supposed to feel that sort of pull down there. Every time it happens it reminds me of the nurse in high school that used to give us our sports check up.

You really didn’t want her hands down there and that raspy voice that said “now cough.” Oy, just thinking about it brings back the sense of sandpaper hands and hair that smelled like cigarettes.

This Post is Part of NaBloPoMo

Try telling your doctor you have a bad case of NaBloPoMo  and see what happens. Just wait until they find out you are a mighty blogger who is well adjusted and practices good hygiene.

I took my son to see Skyfall today. We loved it. It was a lot of fun and well worth the grand old price of…free.

Yeah, someone gave me free tix a while back but I never managed to use them until now. It was a good movie and had I paid the price of admission I still would have been perfectly satisfied. Daniel Craig does a very fine job of portraying Bond.

If I had to rate my favorites I would say it is him, Connery and Brosnan.

Kind of funny because as a kid I loved Roger Moore but as a “grown up” I have reached a point where I can’t take that sort of cheesy approach to my favorite British spy.

I Am Not James Bond

Yeah, I know I wrote about how I told the teacher my name was James Bond but that is not me. It is not because I am not British or a commander in the Royal Navy.

Nor is it because I am afraid of a mixing it up. I like a good adventure and have always been good at living life like that.

No, the issue is that I am not suave, sophisticated and crystal cool.

I have a body built for demolition, a fire that burns in my belly and an intensity that never wavers. Bond has some of that, but he also brings about a certain style that just isn’t me.

Bond is suited for wearing a tux or suit and making look like the most comfortable thing in the world.

Me? Well I own multiple suits and tuxedos but I manage to make them look wrinkled and worn before I put them on. It is a talent that doesn’t pay all that well.

As an FYI, I understand that he is not real. I shouldn’t have to write that but if I don’t I guarantee someone will send me an email in which they try to make sure I understand I am talking about a fictional character and not a real person.

Go blog at cats and stop bothering me with that.

Real post coming soon. In the interim have fun in the comments.

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  1. Tim Bonner November 13, 2012 at 4:03 am

    Skyfall is great isn’t it.

    My wife and I went to see it a couple of weeks back. It was the first time we’d been out without the kids for about 3 years!

    Tuxedos don’t suite me either although I don’t have much cause to wear one these days.

    • Jack November 13, 2012 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Tim,

      It is fantastic. It sounds like it was a great movie that made a great date even better for you. Three years is a long time to go without a night away from the kids.

  2. Gina November 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    I think Craig makes the HOTTEST Bond for sure. It’s so funny that you have to clarify stuff! I’m not a cat lover and I’m not allergic either (or to anything). I’ll stick with pooches. Can you tolerate pictures of dogs?

    • Jack November 13, 2012 at 12:18 am

      Hi Gina,

      I can’t speak for hot, but I love his approach and attitude. There is a raw quality to him that I love.

      You know I love dogs. I keep a picture of my big lug close by. One day I’ll find another Golden to be my pal, but I needed time. Didn’t want him to think I was trying to replace him.

  3. Larks ( November 12, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    I love the last bit of this post about getting the e-mail that James Bond is fictional. A while ago I wrote a post about Liam Neeson punching wolves in the face and got an email patiently informing me that actually punching wolves in the face is a bad idea because it’s animal cruelty, wolves are endangered, and anyway it’s probably pretty dangerous. Oy.

    • Jack November 12, 2012 at 2:41 pm

      Oh, I would have loved to have had an exchange with the man/woman who said it is not smart to punch a wolf in the face. That is so good I might have to blog about it.

      Some people just kill me.

  4. Rebecca Todd November 12, 2012 at 6:52 am

    I will await “The Time I Got Caught With My Hand In My Pants” with bated breath.

    • Jack November 12, 2012 at 2:34 pm

      Hi Rebecca or as my old rabbi would say, “Rivka”

      I shall regal you all with tales about the time I got caught with my hand in my pants…in the future.

  5. Erin Feldman November 12, 2012 at 6:32 am

    James Bond isn’t real? And you hate my cat? This is not a good way to start the week. 😉

  6. Stan Faryna November 12, 2012 at 12:38 am

    I’d like to see Jack in a tux.

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