Archives for November 2012

No one tells you about the joy and pain that children bring, at least not in a fashion that you can understand until you become a parent.

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My heart aches and my fists are clenched. My daughter is going through a rough spot and I can’t just make it go away.

It is nothing permanent and I am not worried it is going to turn into anything bigger, but it doesn’t make it any easier to see her struggle a bit. Growing pains, a hiccup in the road caused by some changes and time at a new school. It won’t last.

She is as tough as nails, but she doesn’t see it. She doesn’t have the benefit of life experience to see what everyone else sees and it is ok, she will, but not yet.

In The Beginning

He asked me not to die and I decided to blog about it. It was December of 2004 and my son was weeks away from turning four.  Who knew that a simple question would be the thing that led me to take blogging seriously.

Up to that point I was kind of screwing around. I hadn’t found my voice or developed a rhythm for writing. I was just improvising, which I guess I still do now, but without the focus I have today.

He wasn’t old enough to really understand death but for a short while it was on his mind and we talked about it. It helped prepare me for discussions that came later. When my daughter screamed “Daddy You Died” I knew just a little bit more than I had when I went through it with her older brother.

There have been many posts in which I chronicled the lives of my children.  Some are simple tales and some relate stories about stolen innocence.

The longer I do this for the more grateful I become for this living journal of our lives.

Middle School Magic

He told me he didn’t want me to die but this time it was a very different discussion. He is in sixth grade now and very aware of the world around him.

We spent time talking about his history class and talked about war. One of his grandfathers is Vietnam Veteran who saw combat. Grandpa doesn’t talk about it much but his friends do and so my son has heard…things.

Today we touched upon some old discussions in which he had asked me about the draft. I told him it wasn’t active when I turned 18 but I had thought about it during the first Gulf War.

I was in college then and went to goodbye parties for friends who were Marines. The conversation shifted over to Iraq and the present. I mentioned I had heard about some security jobs there and that I knew people who had talked about taking them.

Combat pay. I told him that was what some of them were interested in. I said I had heard some people were making about $60k a month to work in very dangerous situations.

“Don’t go dad, I don’t want you to die.”

Honesty and Off The Cuff Talk

I looked at him and said he didn’t have to worry. I told him I was thinking out loud and that it wasn’t entirely fair for me to do that. I explained it was several years ago that I had had this conversation and that I wasn’t even certain if the money quote was accurate.

He tells me when he is older he wants to start his own business so I turned the conversation on its ear and talked to him about the importance of evaluating opportunities. Is it worth $60k a month to take a chance on getting shot? It sounds like a lot of money, but you can’t spend it if you are dead.

“Your job is to look at each opportunity and think about it. It might be as good as it sounds or it might be less. Sometimes it might be very bad. Your job is to look, listen and think.”

He nodded his head and I gave him a big hug.

Bad Guys

My daughter was nervous when she went to bed. She heard the neighbor tell me about how some cars were broken into around the neighborhood and wanted to know if they would break into our house too.

It reminded me of a conversation her older brother had with me when he was really little. He told me if bad guys came I was to “kill them dead.”

I hugged her and told her I wasn’t worried about people breaking in. It was unlikely and I promised that the dog and I would protect everyone.

“Daddy, will you kill them if they try to hurt us?”

I didn’t say anything and hugged her instead.

“Daddy, that is a yes. You always get quiet when you are serious.”

I hope I never have to find out, but dad’s protect their families and sometimes that  means killing the bad guys dead.

Almost every Halloween I run a post about things that frighten me, but I didn’t do it this year because I forgot.

Yep, the mighty JackB with a memory that can put elephants to shame forgot to run the list of things that frighten him and I can only attribute it to old age and a growing sense of impending doom.

Scratch the doom part, I don’t believe that for a moment. Might be dealing with a few challenges and fighting a few battles but doom is not one of them. Don’t live in cleveland so gloom isn’t part of it either.

Guess we can say this happened because I was focused on other things.

Halloween Lessons- We Have Neighbors

The kids love going trick or treating because they like getting dressed up and getting candy. I like it because it creates a festive atmosphere in which the neighbors open their doors and come outside.

It is nice to see people come out of the bubbles we walk around in and hang outside. That is not to say we don’t know our neighbors or that we don’t live in a good neighborhood because neither is true, but this is different.

Because on Halloween the entire neighborhood throws an impromptu block party and my kids get a chance to see what life is like when people stop to look around and smile at each other.

This year we went to the neighborhood I grew up in. It was their first time trick-or-treating there and they laughed when some of the “really old” people talked about me when I was a boy.

Since they no longer go to private schools they also got to experience what it is like to see kids from school trick-or-treating in the same neighborhood. It was fun and part of me loved it because it made me feel like I was 11 again.

Halloween Lessons- Nintendo

I am a brand ambassador for Nintendo and have been for more than a year now. When I first began I did so because I thought it might be fun and because I thought it might provide an opportunity to get some swag my kids might like.

But I didn’t spend any time considering how much blog fodder doing so could produce. I intentionally haven’t written about them as frequently as I could because I don’t want people to feel I have been compromised or that they own me.

It is why I disclose my relationship and talk about it openly. They don’t pressure me to do anything which is a big part of how they have gained my trust.

However what really sticks out is that I feel like they really value my opinion and  that I am not treated as just another number. Some of that credit goes to their agency and some of it to the company.

This year they helped us decorate our home for Halloween. They sent over the pumpkin you see above (plus one more not shown), decorations and candy.

My children were over the moon and I can’t tell you how much fun it was to see the smiles on their faces.

Halloween Lessons- Gratitude

When we got home we sat down and talked about how lucky we are and why we should be grateful. I reminded them about our family and friends back East. We talked about how my nephews, niece,sister and BIL slept in the basement because they were worried about what would happen if Sandy blew a tree(s) into the house.

We talked about how many kids didn’t get to go trick-or-treating and how some go hungry and then we talked about the election.

They wanted to know who I voted for and why. I told them they aren’t obligated to vote as I do or their mother. I said they need to figure out what they think is right and vote based upon that.

An educated vote is what I said they need to focus on and then I told them I didn’t want to pay for the dentist’s new house and sent them off to brush their teeth.

It was a good day and thanks to Nintendo I found the great pumpkin, but I made a point not to put the one I carved next to Mario.

I am not stupid, it is like asking me to stand next to some pro athlete. On my own I look alright, but stick me next to one of those guys and all the flaws come out. 😉

Good things happen to us all the time. We just have to look for them and remember to say thank you. I am very lucky and grateful.