The One Word That All Women Hate

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Many years ago when I was a wee lad of twenty something or other I attended a wedding in Houston, Texas. It was a very fine affair and filled with more its share of mirth, merriment and laughter.

It took place long before I was married and well before most of the boys slipped a ring upon the fingers of the girls that would one day become their brides and later the judges of their lives.

Since it was our first wedding as grown ups we  tried to do what we thought was appropriate for weddings. That included a ridiculous bachelor party, copious amounts of alcohol and silly declarations about which one of the bridesmaids we hoped to get lucky with.

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It was also the event where I learned that the police will pull you over for speeding in Bellaire, Texas and then ask you why you think it is funny to imitate their drawl. I can neither confirm nor deny whether the officers will laugh about this. All I can say is that we were NOT required to appear in court nor asked to pay any fines.

Since we were young, single, footloose and fancy free we did our best to extend the festivities throughout the entire day and night. Sometimes when I think about what life was like before kids I think about that week and remember the joy of waking up with a bad hangover in a dark and quiet room.

Truth be told I think the California kids shut down so many bars we were gifted with certificates of excellence that say we filled every nook, cranny and cavity with booze and lived to tell about it.

It is the kind of moment you look back upon and wonder why you were lucky enough not to get alcohol poisoning while simultaneously praying your own children are never as dumb as you were.

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In the midst of spreading joy and laughter throughout the land we tipped back a barrel of Shiner Bock and tried to impress the aforementioned bridesmaids with our wit. Now it may surprise you to hear that I might have told a couple of tall tales there but I am sure you won’t be shocked to hear that I told the guy who tried to start a game of naked Twister to get lost.

It is not a game you’re likely to see me play…ever.

And it was only made worst because we didn’t know the guy. He wasn’t a part of the wedding party or an invited guest. He was just some random dude who was trying to cut in on the action we weren’t getting.

Anyhoo, one afternoon we sat at the hotel pool exchanging embarrassing stories about the bride and groom and the conversation took a turn. I can’t tell you how it happened because I don’t remember.

What I can share with you is that until that moment she had been very quiet and almost unnoticed, she being the bridesmaid who told us that there was a word she hated to hear.

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Naturally we decided we had to figure out what word it was and set about asking for more details.

“Can you tell us what it rhymes with?”

“Is it animal, mineral or vegetable?”

“Can I say it to my mother without getting in trouble?

Eventually we learned that it had to do with a body part and that led to some moments I shan’t recollect here. I can tell you that we all laughed (men and women) and that it was a bonding moment that I remember fondly.

In certain company all I need to do is start reciting “tipple, ripple. stipple” and people will laugh and say “Texas.” Alas, a good inside joke is almost never funny to outsiders and almost guaranteed to sound stupid.

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Our formerly quiet friend blushed when we figured out what word it was she couldn’t stand. We promised not to keep saying it, but only after we had used it for a solid ten minutes or so.

And that is when another stranger chose to interrupt our gathering. This time it wasn’t naked Twister guy coming for a second round. Nah, this time it was a woman who interjected “there is one word that all women hate and it isn’t ‘bitch.'”

I suppose I could share said word with you but this is a family blog and I fear just sharing it would scald your ears and cause your eyes to bleed. It would be the equivalent of crossing the streams and like every good Ghostbusters fan I know that it is a very bad thing to do, so I won’t.

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Comments

  1. Is it Twister you won’t play, period? Or just naked?

  2. Hey Jack!

    Man, I had very very similar experiences. I remember being fresh out of school and the “college stupid” hadn’t quite worn off yet.

    We’d get together for these weddings and other events and still act crazy. We had jobs but nothing close to careers yet so we were living for the weekends and still doing the crazy crap that we thought was “cool” at the time.

    I don’t drink, but I remember waking up in many a hotel room and having to fill everyone in on exactly what kind of stunts they pulled the night before trying to hook up with whatever girl they were going for at the time.

    And as for the word, I’ve never felt the need to use it, myself, and frankly I’ve heard more women use it toward other women than anything else. But yes, that word is strictly to be saved for your “Scorched Earth” scenario and not before, because it will be generations before life comes back to those plains after that…

    • Hi John, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I did the majority of my drinking in college so by the time we got out of school started working I didn’t feel the need to go out and let loose the way some of my friends did.

      It made for some good times. Some of the guys should be happy I didn’t have a video camera in hand.

      And you are exactly right about how long it takes for Life to return to those fields.

  3. I think I’ve got it narrowed down and, no, I don’t like that word much either. Nuclear option, indeed.

    Glad that you survived your days of debauchery and came out older and wiser. Well, older at least… 😉

  4. I hate that word too. Just the thought of it is vile. I’ve heard people use it (men to or about women) and it has changed my opinion about them for life. We were all very crazy back in the day. I, too, wish my college kids as safe go of it. One has her head on straight. Then there’s knucklehead….

    • Hi Gina,

      For a long time I saw that word as the nuclear option. You only used it if you were certain that you never wanted a relationship of any sort with whomever you were talking about.

      And you always considered the fallout factor because if you did you could almost guarantee that there would be consequences because other people would react.

      But I have heard multiple women use it too. The first few times it surprised me and then the shock value wore off and it became like any other word that came from their mouths which really kind of defeats the purpose.

      BTW, I am rooting for the knucklehead for no other reason that just because or maybe because we are both men. 😉

  5. I have 2 words I hate…bachelor party. Popping out of a cake might make it better. But I don’t think they do that sort of thing anymore???

    • I have been to a lot of bachelor parties but I have never seen a woman jump out of a cake. FWIW, there were very few that were any thing close to what you see on television or in movies.

      Most of them were just a group of man hanging out together, dinner, ball game, bowling or something along those lines.

      We had already gotten most of the really crazy stuff out of our systems.

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