The Blog Assassin

The Assassin's Creed

They came just after midnight and had it not been for the hairs standing up on the back of my neck I wouldn’t have known they were there.  Don’t ask me how or why I knew they were there.

Maybe it is the same sixth sense that animals have before an earthquake or a tornado or maybe they stepped on the loose floorboard in the hallway. Either way it doesn’t matter because when I turned around my right hand was already clenched in a fist and the left was flying through the air with a vicious jab.

Except I didn’t connect with anything but the wall.

The idea had been to knock him/her back on their heels and then follow up with the same right hand that had registered more knockouts than an audition at Hooters. The plan would have been great but like so many others before it the damn thing didn’t work.

Insult Is Added To Injury

Instead of staring down triumphantly I found myself being pummeled by well aimed kicks and fists. None of them hurt all that much but you can still die by a thousand paper cuts.

So I centered myself and called upon the Force, I thought “What would Yoda do” and then tried to make like that little green muppet but he is 800 year-old Jedi master and I am 44 year-old Jewish kid from L.A. who is approaching middle age.

And that my friends is the key element, I am approaching middle age but not quite there yet. If I was actually middle aged I would have accepted that I couldn’t defeat the blog assassin because my old body wouldn’t do it.

But since I am not middle aged yet I knew that I wouldn’t have to worry about being as good as I once was, I just had to be as good as I am now and damn, when I am on I am exceptional.

Exceptionally good at texting my buddy because the man handles my hosting and he knows that when I say I have broken the blog I need help.

The Database Crashed

Yeah the whole fercockteh thing blew up and ten thousand posts disappeared. That is a big part of why the place looks a little bit different.

I haven’t had time yet to fix all of the crap that was damaged in the crash but I can deal with it later. I am just happy that I got my stuff back because I would have been really upset if I had lost everything.

In the interim this place will look like it is under construction for a bit. It is 1 am now and there is no time or energy to deal with all of the aesthetic repairs now.

BTW, I do backup the blog on a regular basis just in case things happen because you never know when the blog assassin will show but it usually happens on a night like tonight where I planned on going to bed before midnight.

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11 Comments

  1. Elizabeth Lee June 10, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    It didn’t take you long to get something up even if it’s not quite the same. I’m impressed. Good thing you have a backup and a buddy with the ability to bring back a broken blog.

  2. Mike Carlson June 10, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    I am sorry to hear you become a victim also of blog assassin. Glad to know you have some back up on it.

  3. Sebastian Aiden Daniels June 10, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    I was visited by the Blog Assassin also aka Bluehost went down for maintenance for two hours and somehow my website got fucked up and no longer allowed crawling. I think I fixed it but who knows. Who really knows! The almighty internet scares me. : P

  4. Betsy Cross June 10, 2013 at 3:11 am

    I was just going to ask you if you back up your site when I read that you did! LOL! My impulsivity (?) resulted in my blog(s) being in numerous places. Very annoying, but it’s almost better than a back-up. It’s a back-up w/o meaning to be a back-up.
    When things crash it’s the same feeling as seeing flashing blue lights in my rearview mirror. And then when those same lights race by you in pursuit of someone else? Like being warned that it could’ve been you….and you slow down. Sometimes.
    Glad it was recoverable!

    • Jack June 10, 2013 at 9:14 pm

      Hi Betsy,

      When I was on Blogger I used to copy and paste things into a WordPress.com blog so that they would be backed up. Sounds kind of similar to what you are doing.

  5. zoe June 10, 2013 at 3:10 am

    The asthetics arent important. Its the genius for which we return. No really I like your writing. Sorry about the crash.

  6. Stan Faryna June 10, 2013 at 2:16 am

    Glad that you back up, Jack.

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