What Would Darth Vader Do?

Ride the Lightning

During a recent disagreement I mulled over whether it made more sense to agree to disagree. I teach my children that it is ok to have your own opinion and that sometimes you need to swim upstream and I teach them that you should be civil when you disagree with others.

But during this particular disagreement I realized that I was much more interested in thinking about what Darth Vader would do than whether I should be a role model for my children.

The kids weren’t around and so I figured that since my adversary was acting like a dick it made more sense to visit the Dark Side. So I made a silent apology to Master Yoda and tried to Force Choke them.

It Didn’t Work

Yeah, I know that wasn’t very sporting of me nor was it nice, but damn they crossed the Rubicon and asked for it. They called down the thunder and like Thor I was determined to deliver.

Sadly the lightning didn’t come and neither did the Force Choke work. I could live with not bringing down lightning, it is not like I had a magic hammer in hand, but Got damn Sandy, I didn’t expect the Force to fail.

Do you know embarrassing it is to try to Force Choke someone and have it fail. Do you have any concept of what it is like to hold your hand up and to partially close your hand as if you were choking an invisible man?

It sucks, I tell you it is simply awful.

David Prowse as Darth Vader in The Empire Stri...

David Prowse as Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back (1980) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I might not be a 7 Foot Tall Sith Lord but I am a dad blogger who watched Star Wars at the Drive In. Did I mention that I saw it the year it came out?

That means I have had 36 years to practice using the damn Force. That is double chai and hell if I am not more frustrated than I was before the dick decided to act like a prick and forced me to try to use the Force to adjust their attitude.

Damn, I felt nearly as clueless as Paula Deen and about as masculine as that Snowden guy (he really needs to either give up the facial hair or use a marker to fill in the spaces) and that is saying a lot.

What Vader Didn’t Do?

Well he didn’t take over my body and help me defenestrate the pain-in-my-ass nor did he take over my body and help me punch them in the nose.

I must admit that I thought about both of those things. Thought about how it would make me feel better but than I decided that jail time wasn’t particularly of interest nor was a lawsuit.

And much as I hated to admit it the dick didn’t deserve to be killed, eviscerated or defenestrated. Can’t bring myself to say that a punch in the nose wouldn’t have been good for them and a swift kick in the ass from my size 12 boot.

I can also admit that Darth Vader wouldn’t have worried about the morality of these options nor concerned himself with the consequences and I was kind of jealous of that sort of freedom.

But when you are a 7 foot tall Sith Lord and you have an army to back you up you can get away with some things that your average Joe can’t.

Still, it hasn’t stopped me from thinking about creating a Ring of Power that I can use to control the dick. Nor has it stopped me from thinking about how much fun it would be for said Ring of Power to be used to make the dick punch themself in the nose.

It is a pleasant thought. That Ring of Power would help keep me from suffering the consequences and provide some much needed entertainment.

Now if I can only figure out how to get to Mordor.

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