Bacon Products That Don’t Taste Like Bacon

Yes, I Have No Bananas

I can’t speak for you but it feels like there is a sudden proliferation of bacon flavored products. Toothpaste, donuts, soda, syrup and envelopes and more are all available for consumers to purchase.

Since I am a smart businessman I am going to start the revolution of selling bacon and assorted other products that don’t taste like bacon. It is a market whose time has come and I am just the man to fill that need.

My guess is that more than a few of you are going to be the like the world famous Shmata Queen who is certain to ask me 872,832,933 questions about why I decided to write this and then complain when I answer with ‘Why do you need to know?”

Did I mention she loves when I answer a question with a question?

It All Began With A Facebook Status Update


Nancy challenged me to turn the update into a blog post and if you know me you know if so inclined there is nothing I can’t turn into a blog post.

So I said sure, Gini will stop leaning in long enough to learn that I blogged about her love for all things squirrel and concede that Jack Bauer would love to live with me in a warmer climate where he doesn’t have to slog through snow half the year.

You might wonder if I ever learned about the wrath of a woman and you might ask yourself if picking on Gini and the Shmata Queen is a wise thing to do and I would ask you to share your favorite food and favorite song with me.

Look, here is something bright and shiny and since we all spend 918 minutes per day on the Internet and or checking our smartphones I am not worried because our collective inability to focus is what we’ll save me.

Now what is it we were talking about?

Did Google Slap You Too?

Traffic around here has taken a major hit recently and I haven’t figured out yet if it is because one of the recent Google updates had a negative impact on things or if it is because things naturally slow down around the end of summer beginning of school.

That could be it.

Wouldn’t surprise me.

Because it can’t be the content. You love the content here. I don’t write for SEO. I don’t stuff paragraphs with keywords or phrases about how I am the original dad blogger who helps monetize your blog and is a social media expert who can teach you how to write headlines that convert.

I would never do such a thing.

I might ask you to follow me in all the cool places I hang out on. Join the Facebook page and talk with me on Google Plus.

Or I might go the unfiltered side and share some risque stories with you about how blogging can make you a better lover, increase your girth, worth, size and triple her satisfaction.

That last part was all in reference to your financial portfolio which as we all know is of critical importance because one day we all might want to retire.

What About The Pictures?

Oh, so you want to know about the pictures of me in my sports car on my fabulous vacation? Well I told the Shmata Queen I wasn’t going to share those just yet and you know that I moved heaven and earth to make her happy so you wouldn’t really ask me to poke her now would you.

Really, the woman doesn’t like to fight and is already frustrated because I beat her in Songpop with ease and I am too fast and agile to hit with that enormous black purse.

But if you insist on knowing more about things I suggest you read:

Got to run now, it is squirrel training time. See you in the comments.

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