The Right Words don’t always flow from my fingertips with the kind of ease I want, need or require. Sometimes I have to do more than sit at the keyboard and start typing.
Sometimes I close my eyes and revisit the hard, painful and frustrating moments and sometimes I take a look back at the funny. Most of the time both ways work for me but for some reason the painful ones are more agile and adept at breaking free of the cages I keep them in and so we get to spend together again.
The Right Words Written Right Write Their Own Tales or so I have often said.
No One Wants To Read A Dad Blog
Every so often I am told by a good natured soul I shouldn’t be writing a dad blog becauseÂ no one really cares about your personal life.
They tell me I should focus on the business side because posts about what is killing Twitter are more likely to position me as an expert on social media and lead to work.
But I don’t listen to those folks because my experiences here have taught me otherwise.
If I told you about the 18 month battle to save my house, how I lost my job, applied for positions loading/unloading trucks, begged the guy at Target for a job and drained a large portion of my retirement to keep my family clothed, fed and sheltered some of you would nod your head because you get it.
When I talked about how it changed me, how hard it was and how the bank never denied nor approved my loan modification you’d nod your head again.
And maybe, just maybe you’d understand a bit better the under current of anger that used to flow between the lines.
The Only Way To Go Is Through
Maybe you’d understand that it is only now that I can write about some of this because things are substantially better and enough time has passed I don’t feel like I am drinking poison.
Sometimes I look back on those moments with pride because I did what parents do…protected my children. I took a beating every day to do it, but I did it.
There are moments when I think about it and wonder why I didn’t make certain choices sooner. Wonder why I didn’t sell the house sooner or why I didn’t do XYZ and then I shrug my shoulders because there is no point in that kind of thinking.
I consulted the Magic 8 Ball more than once and it never told me to do other than I did.
One time when I was talking to the 187nd person who was supposedly helping me I got so fed up I screamed into the phone. I just let go and dished out all of my anger and pain and did my best to try to make him feel badly.
I wanted him to get off the phone and think about whether it would be more fun to play in traffic or have a colonoscopy without anesthesia.
Because he told me that maybe I should have tried harder to get a job and suggested that if I had been more responsible I wouldn’t have needed to be on the phone with him.
Sometimes when you find yourself visiting hell the only way out is to go through.
What Comes Next
I used to spend a lot of time wondering why and asking myself what comes next. Sometimes when I think about the time right after we sold the house I wonder if I was in a movie.
That is because one of my brother-in-laws got sick and ended up on life support. I’ll never forget talking to my 5 year-old nephew about his daddy or trying to help my little sister not lose it.
Nor will I forget how another sister slipped on the curb and knocked herself unconscious. She ended up in the hospital for several days. Little sister was unresponsive for a bit, eyes were open but she didn’t respond to anyone and for a short while we wondered if she had been mugged.
I remember those days.
Little sister recovered and is fine and so is my brother-in-law,
What came next is that things got better, but it took some time and some doing to get there.
No One Wants To Read A Dad Blog
A few years ago a post like this would have gotten at least 25 comments, potentially many more. But now I wouldn’t be surprised if it receives very few, but in spite of what the well meaning experts say it won’t be because no one wants to read a dad blog.
It will be because of multiple platforms (Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and G+) that have taken people away from the comments section. It will be because comments are just down across the board.
But it won’t be because no one wants to read a dad blog.
What do you think?