How To Use A Blog For Blackmail Purposes
This post was supposed to be about a different topic but my 13 year-old asked me to tell him why a girl said he looked hot in his suit on Saturday night. He wasn’t being coy or clever, until relatively recently he thought girls were placed on earth solely to irritate boys.
You should have seen the look on his face when I told him it only gets worse. 😉
Anyway, I didn’t tell him about all the great blog fodder he provided when he was little and about how easy it would be to make it blackmail material. 😉
During our conversation I remembered a post I wrote six years ago about a conversation he and I had about The World’s Strongest Penis.
It is more innocent than it sounds.
On a related note now that the kids areÂ olderÂ I am more cautious about what sorts of things I share about them, there are more boundaries.
The World’s Strongest Penis
My children provide a never ending source of blog fodder. The questions they ask, the stories they tell and the things that they do provide a steady pipeline of material. The hard part is that some of these stories seem to repeat themselves over and over, with just a slight variation on how they are told/come about.
This next story comes courtesy of the lad that the good people call â€œLittle Jack.â€
He recently told me that he is the smartest boy in the house. When I asked why he explained that I donâ€™t go to school and that I have an â€œold brain.â€ Anyway, the conversation meandered about and eventually led to our standard question and answer time. The â€œQ&Aâ€ session is something that we do on a regular basis. It gives him a chance to ask me to answer the burning questions on his mind and it provides me with a chance to try and pick his brain about his day.
The conversation about The Worldâ€™s Strongest Penis began as a discussion about how to use public urinals. That isÂ a conversationÂ that we haveÂ had a number of times. In a different post Iâ€™ll have to rant and rave about how some women tried to teach him and the other boys to pee. It may sound ridiculous, but there is a reason for my irritation.
For now letâ€™s talk about how some of the boys at camp have helpedÂ educatehim about all sorts of stuff, including new and exciting vocabulary words.
Son:Â Dad, Jake says that his mom told him that the penis is a manâ€™s strongest muscle.
Me:Â His mom and dad donâ€™t live together, do they.
Son: No, howâ€™d did you know that?
Me: Just a hunch. What else did Jake say?
Son:Â He said that his dad had the most powerful penis in the world. I said that he was wrong and that you do.
Me: (Mental note to self: Add note to resume, â€œmost powerful penis in the world.) Oh you did. I appreciate that, but you donâ€™t need to tell people that. It is a private thing.
Son:Â Ok, Iâ€™ll tell him that you donâ€™t want to talk about your penis.
Me: Thatâ€™s ok. You donâ€™t need to tell him. In fact it is probably better that you donâ€™t discuss it.
Son:Â Why, are you embarrassed about your penis?
Me: No, I am perfectly happy with it. It works just the way it is supposed to. Remember when we talked aboutÂ a broken penis. Everything is fine, it is just not something that we discuss with others.
Son:Â What about the doctor? Can we talk to the doctor about our penis?
Me: Yes, the doctor is fine.
Son:Â How about a policeman? Can we talk to the policeman?
Me: Only if you need to file a missing penis report. (Sometimes I just canâ€™t help myself.)
Son:Â Can people steal your penis?Â (you canâ€™t imagine the look of horror on his face.)
Me: No, I just exaggerating. No one can steal your penis. It is attached just like your arm or leg.
Son:Â But if you have an accident you can cut off your arm or your leg. What if you had an accident and you cut off your penis.
Me: Might be kind of hard to pee. I donâ€™t think that you have to worry about that one.
Son:Â You canâ€™t cut off Supermanâ€™s penis unless you have Kryptonite.
Me: I have never thought about it, but I suppose youâ€™re right.
Son:Â And Iron Man is safe. You canâ€™t cut off an iron penis.
Me: Actually Iron Man is a guy who wear a special suit. Outside of his armor he is vulnerable.
Son:Â He better not take off his suit, someone might cut his penis off.
Me: He is a comic book hero, that kind of stuff never happens to them. Do you have any more questions?
Son:Â How strong is your penis?
Me: I donâ€™t know. It is not like your arms or legs. It doesnâ€™t have to be strong to do its job.
Son:Â Why did Jakeâ€™s mom say that it is a strong muscle?
Me: I donâ€™t know.
Son:Â That doesnâ€™t make sense.
Me: Youâ€™re going to find that life is full of things that donâ€™t make sense. Has Jakeâ€™s mom said anything else?
Carolyn Nicander Mohr February 17, 2014 at 5:40 pm
Lol, your son will certainly appreciate how you educated both him and the world with this enlightening conversation. You certainly don’t need any more schooling, Josh. Your old brain is already brilliant.
Jack February 17, 2014 at 11:23 pm
Nah, I have a lot to learn about many things, but I do have a bunch of stuff packed in already. 🙂
Stan Faryna February 17, 2014 at 12:44 pm
What about the Hulk?
Jack February 17, 2014 at 11:23 pm