Most of you probably don’t know thatÂ Killer Whales & lions taste like chicken. Â Does that bother you? Are you upset because I told you that these friendly creatures you can visit at zoos and aquariums taste like a common farm animal.
Would it make you feel better if I told you that you can’t tell what it is you are eating because the fur and skin has been shaved off.
Perhaps you’d feel better to know I haven’t got a clue what either tastes like and that I wrote those words because I enraged now.
Ok, enraged isn’t the right word but furious and frustrated are.
This Post Is About People Not Animals
Some of you might wonder if I am trying to take a swipe at anyone here but I am not. I saw Blackfish and I was horrified by what I saw but there are two sides to every story and that movie was pretty one sided.
Maybe it is entirely accurate, maybe it is not.
Maybe my sense of reality is the same as Bill O’Reilly’s book. If you don’t like what I have to say you can just suck it up and accept it.
Or maybe I am just frustrated because my almost teenage son touched on a couple of hot buttons for me and I am torn between shame, anger, frustration and a feeling like how the fuck did I fail so miserably in teaching him about gratitude and life.
Ok, I haven’t failed, far from it but sometimes the people we love the most do the best job at hurting us intentionally or otherwise.
Gratitude and Attitude
It is unfair for me to say he lacks gratitude but reasonable to say a lack of tact, maturity and understanding made for one hell of a poor presentation.
I don’t believe he is any less grateful than I was as a kid but damn it just chapped my hide to hear him talk about his life as being so less than what it should be.
My little man doesn’t seem to recognize I didn’t want to leave Texas and that I pushed myself so hard to get home quickly I vomited from exhaustion.
Twenty-one hours of driving doesn’t begin to describe what I did for the kids and I would do it again because I am their father and there are times when parenting requires a subjugation of personal desires.
Most of what happened during the past five years has been kept from my little rug rats and again, I would do it the same way. They don’t need to be exposed to all of it, but when you have taken a beating for someone it is hard to just smile.
And if you know me at all you know I am not the kind of person you can beat on because I will find a way to overcome whatever it is.
But I would be pleased if that attitude had more gratitude.
This Is Not The Life I Planned On
I didn’t remain completely silent but I tempered my response. He needed to hear that this is not the life I planned on having either but it is the life we have and it is pretty fucking good…most of the time.
Life is filled with a series of moments. I told him we are built to last and that we are built to handle and overcome whatever comes our way and then I told him I am not living where I want to be or how I want to be.
I let that soak in for a moment and told him that didn’t mean I am miserable now because I am not. Truth is I am pretty damn happy, I am relatively healthy and that is crucial.
Health is everything. Maybe life isn’t exactly how I want it but health means I have the ability to actively work on making the changes I want to make and I am.
He doesn’t see the path that I do but I tried to help him catch glimpses of it.
Ask me about my worst day and I’ll tell you it is over. Ask me to give you a list of the worst days of my life and I’ll tell you it is hard to come up with a long list but I am batting 1000 for getting through them.
Been A Hard Week
It has been a hard week and that influences my response to it all. We are in transition and I am a bit worn out by it. Blame that on my not breaking up all I have to do into pieces because that would make a difference.
Looking at it in its entirety is hard, not overwhelming because I know I will get through, but challenging nonetheless.
Just one of those weeks where it feels like I am walking through knee deep mud while carrying a 500 pound backpack.
Still it is sometimes hard not to list everything I would do or could do if I wasn’t concerned about the children.
Some days are like that and some aren’t.