Midnight approaches and I am listening to This Life by Curtis Stigers & The Forest Rangers and thinking about the romanticized version of the outlaw biker.
The idea of climbing onto a Harley and riding with the wind blowing in my hair is appealing to the wanderlust that lives inside me and that fire burns in my belly gets hotter at the thought of taking on the life.
As much as I like the idea that is not the sort of life I want to lead nor the example I want to set for my kids. So I’ll find a different way to feed the beast in the belly and soothe that guy that paces because of restless energy that makes him want to move.
Part of that is by getting lost in thoughts about writing and thinking about how stories are told. Part of that is by thinking about how Jaxx Teller writes to his boys and how the outlaw is involved in dad blogging.
In the midst of it all I’ll think about the music they choose for each episode and how much I appreciate their choices because each song adds something to the episode. And I’ll think about someone who doesn’t watch much television and wonder if they would appreciate the show as much as I think they would and how we might talk about the music.
Maybe I’ll Ask Samuel L. Jackson
Sometimes I think about how cool it would be if I could hire actors to handle certain conversations for me. I think about how it might be kind of fun to write a script and have someone like Samuel L. Jackson deliver the lines or how it might be kind of cool to have Bill Murray or Bruce Willis do it.
Can’t say I would use them for anything that really meant much to me because they may be great actors but they will never have the same feeling about some things as I do. They won’t feel the joy, the anger, the love or the frustration the way I do.
If I told them what the scene was about it might help. They might bring something extra to it. It would be fun to have Jackson do a riff of his Pulp Fiction speech to ask for a raise or it might be kind of fun
But I always come back to the same places with these thoughts and it is the need to focus on being fearless in my writing and to not worry whether people like it or not.
It is to be fearless in my audioblogging and not worry if I am breathing too loudly.
It is to look back at posts where I ask the universe for straight answers and to be able to smile when I read them and not cringe because I see how far I have come and how much I have accomplished.
Writing Should Scare You
My best writing, the places I am most creative and or most authentic always make me a bit uncomfortable and that is why I have decided that writing should scare you.
You should write as if you are riding that Harley across a highway filled with marbles and you are not wearing a helmet. You are well past 100 and you are barely hanging on but there is a part of you that knows you are in control but only because you surrendered to your fear and allowed it to wash through you.
There is a difference between surrender and succumbing to fear.
One leaves your paralyzed and the other leaves you enough control to keep going. Maybe you’ll crash but maybe you won’t.
A few hours ago I stood on the side of the basketball court huffing and puffing but feeling golden. Hadn’t played in almost a month but an hour into the night I found my stride and I started hitting shots.
One game winner, two put backs and then three from the outside capped off with one drive to the basket that never should have gone in.
Thankfully none of this was recorded because I know that even though those shots were good they looked ugly and I am sure I didn’t look as graceful as I felt.
But the thing that really made me smile was during that brief momentÂ I felt like I had found a way back and I was the kid again. I was that guy who could run all day and play all night long.
The difference is that kid didn’t know enough to appreciate how beautifully his body worked or how fleeting a moment that could be.
Sons Of Anarchy & Dad Blogging
Sometimes I watch the men of Samcro and get lost in the episode. That makes me smile and I want to reach out to the writers and shake their hands. I want to tell them this is how I want to write. I want to tell them I appreciate the quiet narration where Jaxx talks to his boys about life because I do the same.
U2 is singing a song from the new album. They are singing about California. They talk about Santa Barbara and Zuma and I smile because I spent countless hours in those places.
I’d drive up the coast and stare out at the Pacific ocean while men on motorcycles flanked or passed me. Sometimes I would look at them and wonder about their stories and think about what it would be like to be on a bike and not in a convertible.
Maybe one day I’ll find out and maybe I won’t. Guess I’ll have to see what the universe decides to leave for me behind door number one and door number two.
For the moment I think I’ll spend some time thinking about that Sons Of Anarchy finale. Might be kind of fun to see if I can figure that one out.