This Is Not Your Father’s Blog

Personal Info
The first time I moved to Texas my son asked me if I was worried about finding good food to eat.

If you don’t speak Steiner the Minor’s language you might wonder why he would say that, especially if you are from Texas or familiar with the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

The young master and I are both creatures of habit who enjoy the routines we have developed and are sometimes reluctant to leave our comfort zones.

But the difference between us is the old man learned there are many benefits that come with stepping outside of it and you don’t get to experience those unless you take a risk.

His question wasn’t really centered upon food but was focused on the anxiety that sometimes comes with the unknown.

But the first time I stepped inside Kincaid’s I knew I had found a place he would love. A good burger is like comfort food and that would go a long way to helping him relax.

This Is Not Your Father’s Blog

I understood his uncertainty better than he realized because I knew what it meant to move and to leave all that was familiar behind.

Even though I knew I had made the move for the right reasons and was content I had done the right thing I still worried and wondered what the choice would mean for my children.

Part of me felt enormous guilt about it. It wasn’t their fault that things had gone as they had and I understood why they were angry.

The young master refused to talk to me for two days and since I was 1,500 miles away I couldn’t give him the big bear hug I knew he needed.

So I had his sister put me on speaker phone and I told him it was cool if all he did was listen but I lied when I said it didn’t bother me that he was silent.

I said it because I didn’t want him to feel badly about it and figured it would be easier for him to adjust if he didn’t have to worry about it.

It is one of those moments in time I’ll remember for a million reasons in part because I knew if my own father had been in my shoes he wouldn’t have worried about my sisters and I adjusting.

He would have told us he and my uncle moved 13 times (no exaggeration) and that they always adjusted. We might have protested but he would have smiled and said it would work out.

Don’t misunderstand, I am not criticizing how my dad raised us at all. He did a great job and I am the father I am in large part because he was an excellent role model.

Nevertheless, this is not your father’s blog or more clearly, this is not my father’s blog and I do some things differently.

Some people have secret feelings.

Some people have secret feelings.

Most of the time I keep the guilt I feel under lock and key. It doesn’t serve any purpose to keep it close to the surface or to allow it free reign.

But every now and then it is hard not to look in the mirror and ask myself if I stole my own sunshine or if the shadows came from other people and places.

Some days it was harder than others to shake the feeling that maybe I had missed some important lesson and that the challenges we faced were here because I extended an invitation.

Those were dark moments and my frustration seemed to be limitless because it felt like no matter what I did it wasn’t working.

And then something changed.

One day when the guys and I were throwing around a football three of them tried to tackle me and I wouldn’t go down.

We were just messing around and I my body forgot it is not 20 any more and I dragged the fellas with me. Didn’t run fast or far but I kept going and I remembered that was how it had always been.

You could slow me down but you couldn’t stop me.

Some Moments Last Seconds Others Last Months

Time is a funny thing, some moments last seconds and others last months.

I used to spend hours trying to figure out a way to explain and understand it but I am not sure I ever came up with anything better than the Einstein quote below.

relativity
The challenge of feeling like you have come to a crossroads in your life lies not in choosing a direction to move in but not over thinking it.

If you have learned to look before you leap and to think about the choices you make your inclination is to try and pick apart all of the different things that can happen if you go left or head right.

Except the thing is you can’t see beyond the veil so you can’t ever know with certainty what will happen if you choose either path.

All you can do is choose one, move forward and see what happens.

****

I drove 27 miles to interview for a position with a company I wasn’t sure I wanted to work for.

I did it even though it wasn’t a job I had great interest in because I like to eat and sleep under a roof and a bad job can be better than no job.

And I figured since I couldn’t see beyond the veil it made sense to go hear what the man had to say about the position.

Twenty-seven miles later I learned there wasn’t going to be an interview because the man who sat on the telephone with me to schedule the date told me he didn’t write it on his calendar and wasn’t on the premises.

Twenty-seven miles later I walked into my home, took off my suit and made myself a cup of coffee.

Turned on some Ray Charles, sat down and smiled.

I didn’t reschedule the interview and have no intention of doing so. Other things are afoot and I am confident that I’ll be heading a different but familiar direction real soon.

Might even grab some comfort food.

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Comments

  1. Good food goes a long way to making things better.
    Great quote by Einstein.
    What’s up on the job front?

  2. This post hit a lot of points with me and have experienced many of the same feelings especially in the past year or so. The Longfellow quote struck a chord as I have to be honest and say I was definitely sad and did definitely stick the safe routines. However, I’ve just had a great weekend where I feel like I’m on that road to recovery, I feel more “me” and now willing and open to the new opportunities and experiences. While I don’t have the stability I need, I do have a feeling that I will still be okay because that old “me” can handle it.

    Love the Einstein quote too as it made me think of a recent post I saw recently about good conversations and time flying 😉
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kate-bartolotta/for-the-girls-who-drink-whiskey_b_6622852.html

    • @ionfooddrinklife:disqus There always seem to be moments or periods of time where we have our own ‘personal’ sorrow and it is easy to go the safe route. I know I have done it.
      But there is something special that comes with the knowledge that you feel like yourself again, a growth thing or so I have always thought.
      Love the post about girls who drink whisky.

      • I’m either feeling like Stella getting her groove back or Austin Powers and his mojo 😉
        The whisky post is great – really captures the spirit of my whisky drinking sisters

  3. Unfamiliarity is a scary thing. As an adult I’ve tried to move past the fear of it, and instead turn it into an adventure…whether it’s finding great food in a new town, or stepping foot into a new job.

    • @lizahawkins:disqus I am a fan of adventure both real and imaginary. That is how I became a writer. 🙂 The willingness to step into the unknown is something that provides big rewards.

  4. I love this and agree that all we can do is keep moving forward. Ironically enough I wrote a bit about regret and how we all have some it is the act of moving forward that helps put it behind us mostly.

    • @JanineHuldie:disqus I agree with that. There is no benefit in wallowing in regret for things said, done or otherwise. It doesn’t make it any better. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just move on.

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