If Monday were a person there is a good chance I would have been arrested for first-degree murder because I would have given it the sort of beating that would make veteran cops feel sick.
The funny thing about it is if I told you what happened you would be concerned about my judgment and worried that about whether I had snapped over something minor because the day itself Â didn’t have any one item that merited the sort of response I just described.
But what we often forget is the things that break us, the moments that make us want to lash out and unleash our fury upon the world are rarely big things.
It is a thousand tiny paper cuts that make you lose your shit and start ranting with reckless abandon. Broken glasses, spilled water and shirts stained with coffee are on that list too.
Can You Find Joy In The Journey?
I started blogging in May 2004 on a whim and had it not been for the Shmata Queen’s comments about my writing I doubt I would have continued.
What I didn’t know then was how blogging would change my life in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined. It was inconceivable to me that I would go back to my first love of writing and try to make a career out of it.
But things happened and life beat me up a bit and made me reconsider who I was and what I was doing with it.
Somewhere along the way I began to picture what I was going through as being an adventure, a great journey to figure out not just who I was, but who I wanted to be and what sort of life I wanted to live.
The changes didn’t happen overnight and it took an awful lot for me to buy in but once I did I went all in and expected to see some hard moments but always figured I would find a way around them.
When they hit I always asked myself “can you find joy in the journey?”
As long as the answer was yes I was always certain I was on track.
Monday was the first day in a long time where I truly wondered if I had fooled myself into trying to follow the wrong path.
Stories and Opportunity
I never grow tired of Casablanca. It has been my favorite movie for years
It has been my favorite movie for years, first because I had the proverbial man crush on Rick (Humphrey Bogart) and then later because the writing is phenomenal.
Every time I watch bits and pieces or it in its entirety I think about very much I want to be able to write like that. That is the kind of storytelling that makes me race to my keyboard and put words upon a page.
It makes think of my children and of Echoes of The People We Miss.
My grandparents always pushed me to work on my writing and said I should focus on making it into something more of a hobby but like I said I started out by going a different direction and figured that was how things were supposed to be.
As for my children, well I want them to feel passionate about whatever it is they choose to do with their lives. I want them to go after their passion the way I attack this keyboard.
Every time I touch I do so with the intent to craft something magical and magnificent.
It feels like I fail more than I succeed but it is better to try and fail than not try at all.
What made Monday so awful is that final papercut and the stained shirt upon which all my coffee lay.
It was the feeling that no matter what I did or how hard I had tried to make certain things happen it just didn’t matter.
All of the hard work I put in felt like it had been lost. It was like digging a hole in the sand that keeps filling back up faster than you can empty it.
I looked back upon the past and tried to figure out how I could have come so far and slipped back down so fast. It made me think of Bogart and his Gin Joint’s quote.
But the thing about it all is if you watch the movie Rick doesn’t let that one moment define who he is. He figures out how to suck it up and he gets back up on his own two feet.
I don’t know if I would do as he did and let Ilsa go and I don’t have to know. All I need to remind myself is that I found joy in the journey before and I’ll find it again.
The path to the place I am heading doesn’t have to be straight, major life changes rarely are.
The important thing is to keep going and to remember that not all who wander are lost.