Midnight approaches and I am back at the computer listening to Johnny sing Hurt and I Hung My Head.
The music eases my mind but there are no answers to be found within.
They say that if you want to make an informed decision you need to find the balance between the facts and you know and the things your heart says.
Tonight I get the sense that the crossroads of my life approaches soon and that I will be required to make some significant choices about what direction I choose to go in.
I don’t believe we only have one of these moments because I am certain there are multiple times that they appear. But the thing about them is that we don’t always recognize the moment they arrive nor do we always notice when that moment has passed.
All I am certain of is that I have done my best to open my eyes and expand my awareness so that I recognize them when they appear.
The Choices We Make
Perhaps I am mistaken about this moment and its magnitude. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened but I doubt it.
It might be premature.
Could be a few days or a week. Might even be a month but it doesn’t matter because the crossroads is coming and the time to make some big decisions approaches.
The moment in which I look at the present and peer out at the future and try to determine what the best course of action for my children and I will be.
When it happens I’ll do my best to do as Gladwell says and pick a course based upon deliberate action and instinct and hope that it works out half as well as I think it might.
I suppose you might say my mind is already made up about a few things and all that remains is for me to make the decision to take action.
And I will do it because I can live with being a man of action. I can accept making mistakes and adjusting on the fly whereas I cannot stand to watch life pass me by.
If our role in life is to serve as a painter than I choose to be the man who takes the brush and splatters the canvas with colors and deep brush strokes because it is better in my world to paint than be painted.
Life is about the choices we make.
A Battle Of Wills
I suppose part of what has me lost in deeper thought is the sense that this particular moment at the crossroads is going to be punctuated by a battle of wills and that my choices are not likely to be supported.
But the sense I get is that the opposition isn’t based upon fact or reason but upon fear.
I am not a fan of making choices based upon fear because far too often such choices are guided by surges of adrenaline that push us to run without thinking.
That can be effective for eluding lions and tigers but it is not a great way to make more complex decisions.
Adrenaline surges aren’t going to be useful for trying to encourage me to take a different path. I choose not to walk
I choose not to walk down the paths I already know because that is moving backwards and I see no reason to believe the scenery will be prettier or more exciting than it was the first time around.
It is time to take the road not taken because there is more opportunity for growth and progress. More opportunity for a happier and healthier dad and that has bigger benefits for my children than old and grumpy.
Into The Future We Go
It is time to move into the future and find out what lies behind door number one. See you all on the other side.