Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Punched Him…Twice
There is a story I know that I haven’t written yet primarily because of fear and uncertainty but one day I will put that tale on paper.
One day I will decide it is time I have carried it long enough and I will set it free and share all of the parts and pieces that I haven’t put out because it will be the right thing to do.
You see there is nothing in our lives that cannot be written about our shared the only question is the manner in which it is done.
When I speak with the children about communicating with others I tell them it is always better to be direct and in general that is my preference.
I am unfiltered and more times than not will tell you what I think, but there are moments where I choose not to share all I know because I think it might be like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Sometimes you hold back because you need to wait for the right moment to let people you know things they haven’t shared with you because if you don’t they’ll respond with fear and anger and you’ll never have a real conversation.
Burn The Bridges & Blow Up The Buildings
When the children are a bit older and ready for more discussions about how little in life is black and I’ll share more specific examples of how when I was younger I was more inclined to burn the bridges and blow up the buildings behind me.
The funny thing about then and now is I was more forgiving aboutÂ transgressionsÂ and willing to give the benefit of the doubt about some things than I am now.
I suppose since I didn’t feel the pressure of time the way I do now and looked at life/people as providing endless opportunities I figured if you were a prick I could just cut you out and never look back.
Today I look back and think I might have been hasty once or…twice. There may have been moments where I let my emotions have more influence than they should have.
It is always easier to say goodbye to someone when you are angry and if someone made me angry enough to feel like walking away for good it also meant I didn’t forget their transgressions.
There are a few now that stick out in my mind because I haven’t forgiven or forgotten.
Age and life experience has helped me recognize those moments for what they were and what they could have been which is why I have counseled my children to act differently than I did.
Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Punched Him…Twice
Maybe the point of my life experience is to not just learn for my sake but to be able to pass it along to my children so they do not trip over the same bumps as dear old dad.
One of theÂ funnyÂ parts of blogging is how it sometimes paints a picture of a person that is less than accurate. Sometimes it is because of intentional omission and sometimes it is because we don’t see ourselves as others do.
But I see a combination of the two also.
I am a sentimental person but I don’t think I spend as much time looking backwards as it might appear here. When I think about the bridges I burned it is not about regret as much as it is about my trying to figure out how to help my kids.
It is me trying to figure out what sort of stumbling blocks I encountered in advance but there is also a part of me that shakes his head about that.
You can’t foresee everything and you can’t but your kids in bubble wrap so they never get hurt. Sometimes you have to let them fall and fail so they learn how to pick themselves up.
You have to let them have those bad experiences so they appreciate the good and so they can look back and see how they have survived every bad day they have ever had.
What I haven’t told the children is about how much I enjoy snark and the kind of wordplay that makes someone wonder if they were just insulted or not.
Ask me why I haven’t and I’ll tell you in part it is because I am trying n0t to send mixed messages. If theÂ lessonÂ is supposed to be to maintain civility and not lose it with people than it makes sense to refrain.
But if we are following the rules of the blog and being honest than I must confess the kids have seen me engage with others in a way that you couldn’t describe as civil.
You see there was a time when we were at a sporting even with my sisters and one of the spectators there got nasty with my kids and my niece and nephews.
So sheÂ earnedÂ a tongue lashingÂ from myself and my middle sister.
We tag-teamed that lady for a moment and then I just stood back and watched little sister destroy her. I told little sister she ought to thank me for making her tough enough to take on the world, but she didn’t see that as a positive.
That made me kind of sad and I told little sister that and she glared at me so then I told her that I wasn’t the crazy lady and I am not afraid of her glare but that is a whole different story for a different day.
But I will say that my niece and nephews have told me that no one can tease their mother the way I can, there is an art to it that only a big brother can master.
The Importance of Communication Skills
When they asked I stressed the importance of good communication skills, both verbal and non-verbal because sometimes the look that goes with the words is the perfect accessory.
I might have said more but little sister made a comment about burning bridges and I decided that if I was to be a good role model I needed not to burn any there so I just stopped talking.
But my smile never did… 🙂
Larry June 24, 2015 at 3:57 pm
Personally, I generally like snarky and word play.
Learn from the backward and move forward.
Julie June 24, 2015 at 3:24 am
I woke up thinking about doughnuts this morning.
jacksteiner June 24, 2015 at 1:35 pm
I never get tired of donuts.
Jack Steiner June 26, 2015 at 5:57 am
Jens-Petter Berget June 24, 2015 at 2:59 am
I do my best to teach my kids about communication skills as well. And that one of the most important parts of communication isnâ€™t the words being said, but the body language and how we say the words…
jacksteiner June 24, 2015 at 1:41 pm
Body language says an awful lot, it often tells the back story.
Jason June 26, 2015 at 8:38 am
This. I’m having so much fun raising 5 and 7 year old girls right now. They are just starting to push the limits of truth with their words… and their bodies are still a year or two behind. It’s a hoot to watch.
jacksteiner June 26, 2015 at 8:41 am
There is nothing better than being a father, it is so much fun. I love it.