Somewhere in the distance I hear voices singing Amazing Grace, but I am not really sure if it is coming from my headphones or inside my head.
I have learned that sometimes it is best not to ask questions and to roll with the tide of words coming from my fingertips.
Discovered new quotes that confirm my approach, not worrying, caring or knowing if they happened along my path by accident or intent.
The faster I write, the better my output. If Iâ€™m going slow, Iâ€™m in trouble. It means Iâ€™m pushing the words instead of being pulled by them. â€” Raymond Chandler
So I let the words pull me along and see where they take me, trusting that the journey will always have a point and a purpose regardless of whether I can see it or not.
Did Bloggers Invent Kissing?
Sometimes I forget there was a time when I was a new parent and a rookie blogger and that I wrote about certain experiences as if I was the first person to discover fire.
I read their words, listen to their tales and wonder if I was as insufferable as they. Ask myself if I came across with such arrogance, such certainty that my way was better because somehow the time I became a parent in gave me magic abilities that no other parent could have had access to because they played mother/father too many years before.
Ask myself if I came across with such arrogance, such certainty that my way was better because somehow the time I became a parent in gave me magic abilities that no other parent could have had access to because they played mother/father too many years before.
The answer is maybe, not probably, but maybe.
As in maybe I was and maybe I am. Or maybe I ought to read through 12-year-old posts to see what I think of the words of a different man than I am now.
I am fairly certain that I never claimed that I invented kissing, but I’ll readily admit that I once told someone I would have liked to have discovered it with them.
Don’t know if she heard the sincerity in my voice and recognized it wasn’t a line. I like to believe she did and that she recognized it came after we had blurred so many other lines I didn’t need another.
I told her that I could be like a runaway freight train and said it scared some people. She laughed and said she understood me and that she would never be scared…of me.
Of Teenagers & iPhones
Sunday afternoon Steiner the minor called me to ask if I had accidentally or intentionally taken his iPhone.
“Dad, I can’t find my phone. If you accidentally took it or did so intentionally to mess with me can you please let me know. I really need my phone.”
“I didn’t accidentally take your phone nor did I move it to mess with you. Do you really want me to comment on the state of your room and how it might be lost under 983 pounds of crap.”
There is a long sigh followed by a “no.”
“You haven’t left the house, it has to be there. You better find it because it is too damn expensive to replace.
I don’t tell him that I think he has done an excellent job of taking care of it and that even though his room makes me wonder if I am raising a slob I don’t worry about some things because he has proven to be responsible.
Truth is I get irritated about his room because he has proven he can keep it clean and organized without help, he is just being a lazy teen.
Echoes of people and places float through my head alongside a mix of Ghostriders In The Sky and Danny Boy.
Some of what I see is nothing more than what I hope might one day be and some of it is what once way.
It is both comforting and awkward.
There is a familiar warmth embracing me yet I want to push it away because what is gone won’t ever be again and I need to focus on present and future.
Yet there is a part of me that stands above and smiles, whispering in my ear that all unfolds as it should and that what is for you won’t go past you.
“You are a phoenix and all that has been lost shall be renewed and recovered again, maybe not as it was but as it will be.”
Maybe I should ask the voice to tell me whether unfriending really does mean people hate you or if it is just narishkeit.
Or better yet maybe I’ll ask the bloggers who invented kissing what they think of this.
Of Teenagers & iPhones Part II
Many hours after the initial call I return home and discover Steiner the minor hasn’t found his phone.
“Maybe you’re lucky you don’t have a girlfriend, she’d be pissed off if you ignored her for hours.”
“I didn’t ignore her, I lost my phone and it is not like I couldn’t find a way to get in touch with her, I have a computer and the house phone. But I don’t have a girlfriend and I won’t. Don’t mess with me dad, it is not cool.”
The guys tell me stories about their sons and daughters and dating. That is really part of why this on my mind more than before.
“Jack, teenage boys are awful. They only want to get laid. I know because I remember how I was and how you were.”
I shake my head and tell him not to include me.
Another one of the guys tells me that things have changed.
“Teenage girls are aggressive, they are chasing my son all the damn time. It is exactly what we wanted but 30 years too late.”
Intermission is interrupted by a thought, “have we tried the find the iPhone function on the computer yet?”
Since it hasn’t been done I turn on my laptop and sign in. The map isn’t precise enough for us to see exactly where the phone is, but it looks like it is here.
We click a button that makes the phone make a noise.
“I think I heard something, everyone be quiet.”
It sounds like it is right outside the window, but it is not clear. We ping the phone a couple more times and now the dog goes crazy. It is too bad he can’t talk because it is clear he hears the phone.
A few minutes later I hear a triumphant scream. Steiner the minor walked the dog and apparently his phone slipped out of his pocket and landed in the bushes in front of the house.
The words want to keep pulling me but midnight has come and gone and sleep must come sooner than later.
Somewhere I hear the bloggers who invented kissing snickering because the old man requires more sleep than he once did.