The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for May 2017

Donald Trump Hates My Blog More Than He Hates You

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Spammers hit The Brazen Blogger That Made Cleveland Cry and Spit Or Swallow Still Means You Have Time To Blog.

Can’t say it is because they thought older posts were less likely to be monitored or if it is because of some automated software.

Nor can I confirm or deny that I am slowly unraveling because I see it as something that is happening at light speed but has taken decades.

Yeah, it is a contradiction, probably one of the great contradictions of my life.

But that is ok because life is a giant contradiction and I am living it hard.

I Might Be That Guy

I am somewhere between supreme confidence that I am going to exceed expectations and life is about to explode in a way that might not be real comfortable but I can’t tell you where.

What will be is going to be and much of it doesn’t matter because no matter what I do or how I do it the control over the situation is nonexistent.

All I can do is control how I respond and or react.

I still get comments and letters from people who dislike my words and my writing.

That is ok because I am not here to make everyone happy or ask to be loved by all. It is one of the most important lessons I can teach my children.

Be who you are.

I understand why they sometimes don’t like hearing it because it is hard.

Be who you are means taking a a risk and giving people a chance to reject you.

Happens to me all the damn time.

I hear a million reasons why I am not who I could or should be and how that might hurt me in a million different ways.

Thing is I hate not being me more.

That hurts far more than capitulating.

I haven’t always been this willing to just let go and let it all hangout but I haven’t been afraid to be different either.

It has been sort of a seesaw where I swung one way or another. It is not always easy to feel like you’re the oddball or screw up.

Sometimes it is easier to try and go along to get along.

That is something I have shared with my teens more than once because they see me as a guy who is unafraid to make a spectacle of himself and is willing to say/do anything.

I have made sure they understand even though I am unfiltered there are still those moments and that as crazy as I can be I know when to reel it in.

Donald Trump Hates My Blog More Than He Hates You’

I don’t know if that is true because I am not sure if Trump has read my blog.

Can’t tell you if he has stayed up at night wishing Jack Steiner would leave him alone or wondering why I choose to pick on him.

I hope he doesn’t because I haven’t begun to tear apart his stupid policy, ridiculous commentary and unhinged rhetoric.

What I have done is say he has proven that it is ok to make shit up and pretend the false facts you promote are true even when it might make you look bad.

Hell, I can’t figure out if he is that dumb, that ignorant and or that ill informed and confused.

All I know is he is some combination of those things and if he tweeted about this blog I would be besieged by wingnuts, nutjobs, conmen, thugs, ugs, bugs and nazis.

But I might find some interesting folks and cool people too. That might even include people I disagree with politically but who are still able to present a well reasoned argument for why they disagree.

Maybe.

99 Problems Or Something Like That

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I don’t know that I have 99 problems but I might have 72 and about a third are probably serious enough to warrant attention.

Out of that third there is a smaller number that require immediate attention but we are not here to do higher math so I won’t tell you how many that works out to be.

I’ll just way the bigger ones are big enough to be troublesome, irksome and worrisome, as in they have affected my sleep a bit.

And maybe my hair, but that is sort of questionable.

Is It Time To Panic?

I am not really the kind of man who does so, but there is a general feeling that now might be the time to do so.

Or maybe get lost in things like No One Blogs About Blow Jobs and Maybe We’ll Find Each Other One Day.

Really the reason for this post is because it helps to clear my head and clarity is of paramount importance.

That is ‘cuz that old bastard Frankie Fear is hanging around and his voice carries a little more weight now than normally.

But being a shoot from the hip and swing for the fences kind of guy I am going to do my best to be the hero in my own story.

No one else is going to rescue me, might as well be the guy who does it.

Would be nice to have a sidekick or an Alfred to get some help from.

Ultimately things will work out because I make them work, but damn sometimes it isn’t easy.

Sucker Punches & Suckers

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Sometimes things happen and you find yourself somewhere between the familiar landscape of heartbreak and hope.

You look out the window of the train and pray it stops on the right side of the tracks but hold your breath because you know you can’t do a damn thing to impact it.

All you can do is hold on and see what happens.

It makes me think of sucker punches and suckers.

 

Of Fury & Rage

Hit some pretty big bumps in the road and found myself involved in an unexpected and unnecessary struggle.

Took a deep breath and told myself to do as I tell the kids to do, “breathe, think, breathe and work it out.”

And then I discovered the cause of the struggle could be traced back to an intentional act by someone else.

That brought out my inner Taurus and the horns were lowered and I had to work hard to not go out on a mission of seek-and-destroy.

In the midst of it all music rescues the moment.

How?

Sophie B. Hawkins singing Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover.

Suddenly it is 1992 and I am all of 23 and hanging out in a bar in Santa Monica with some of the boys. The song comes on and a group of girls start dancing and singing along.

A couple of them are staring at us and we work extra hard to try and look cool while simultaneously debating whether they’re serious or not.

“That blond wants me.”

“How do you know?”

“Because she is staring hard.”

“You’re an idiot, she is staring at me.”

I listen the guys go back and forth and occasionally add my own comments. I am not convinced they have any interest in us and am not sure I want to be the guy to walk over to the group and get shot down.

“Jack, I’ll bet $20 dollars you can’t get a phone number.”

I smile and tell him I’ll take his money.

I walk over to the group and tell them I need their help.

“My friend bet me $20 I can’t get one of your telephone numbers. He is a cocky pain in my ass. If you give me a number that I can bring back I’ll take his money and give you the $20.”

One of the girls smiles kisses my cheek and then writes down a number and sends me back across the bar.

I take the $20, turn and deliver it.

Mission accomplished.

Some hours later I try the number and get an answering machine upon which I leave a message. The call is never returned.

Sucker Punches & Suckers

I don’t know that I agree with Freud but I have told the kids there is a benefit to struggling.

You learn how to appreciate what you have and the work it to took to gain/acquire and or obtain it.

Most of the time I believe it to be true and feel like I ought to be open to one day looking back upon the beauty of the struggle.

But the thing is I am killing myself right now to make the things work and worrying about a million different things,

I am busting my ass to not get knocked upon it by another sucker punch or punches and wondering if maybe I am the sucker.