On My Own

I feel like a ship that has no anchor.

Don’t know if it is because the full moon is making me feel crazier or if I have simply reached a place where exhaustion has caught up with me.

Maybe it is because I feel like I have been doing it all on my own for so long I have nothing but memories of what real partnership is like.

Can’t lean on others because the load I bring is too heavy and can’t just lie down and give up either. Can’t speak as I want to and can’t be silent.

Can’t settle for less than I deserve and can’t change it all immediately.

Can’t whine and can’t beg.

Can’t understand and can’t believe how I fell down this particular rabbit hole.

Can’t live lies forever.

Can’t lie for life either.

Can only do so much and see what happens.

Got a few ideas and some dreams, can’t pretend they’ll happen on their own.

Can only push ahead.