Another New Beginning

The music is appropriate for new beginnings and the changes that are coming so I might as well let it play on.

This is the last full week in my current position at work, which is to say I am starting a new job.

Technically it won’t begin before the first week of December but next week I am only on from Monday-Wednesday.

It is within the same company and includes a decent raise and some other benefits so I am excited about that but a little nervous.

The nerves aren’t horrible because this is the right move for me because what I have been doing isn’t sustainable and I am sometimes amazed that I managed to make it work for as long as I have.

It is surreal to think the position that brought me back to Texas is going away, even it is my choice to make it happen.

Now that I have made the decision I am realizing how angry I have been with those who gave me this role and did so while tying an anchor to my legs.

Which is to say I wasn’t set up for success and made things work with a father who was dying and a child who has undergone a very significant struggle.

Got put on probation a couple of times for things that were not my fault and fought my way out of the hole they threw me in more than once.

So now that change is here and I can let myself breathe I can say my anger has finally surfaced and there is a bit of rage and unbridled fury within.

Trying to let it go because there is no point sucking on poison.

The Stories I Would Share

Might as well move into another Erez Lev Ari song while I say I have been living on my own for such a long time now I sometimes wonder if I am capable of really living with people again.

I suppose given the right circumstances I would be fine and that I would be capable of being in a real partnership.

But I am not ever going to put myself in a situation in which someone else gets to half-ass it. If you want me you get me, but you get all–the good and the bad.

And if you can’t handle it for whatever reasons I get it, but after 24 years some things have to be different.

It is clear to me the train left the station long ago and that some things will never be what they could have been had my words been given their due.

So the partnership to bring the kids from babies to a place where they can fly on their own will likely be most of the story for one, but not all for me.

****

Had our office party today and got a good laugh from the reactions I got from people who have never seen Old Jack unleashed.

Some of them told me how surprised they were to hear more than 5 words and that I can be kind of funny. That made me laugh because those who know me rarely describe me as shy or quiet.

But within a professional environment, I am a little bit different. That is not to say I never speak my mind because I do.

Hell, more than one person has remarked about how tenacious I can be about certain things but if you don’t interact with me outside of meetings you probably don’t notice.

That is because I hate being in unproductive meetings so I push hard to make them go smoothly and rapidly which means I don’t speak unless there is a purpose. I haven’t any need to talk to prove how smart I am or to gain favor.

Actions do that and if they don’t, well I have other ways to promote myself than keep meetings running.

Who Am I And Where Will I Be

I am working out the answers to those questions though I already have thoughts and ideas about them both.

Call it the joy of being a half century in age and armed with enough life experience and youth to make something of it.

Watch out world, I am coming through.

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