People

There is no good reason for me to be back at the computer writing now, no reason for me to burn the midnight oil except I am compelled to write. The difference between those who dream about their lives and those who live their dreams is one of action.

I am listening to the Stones sing Gimme Shelter and thinking about a million different things, wondering if I am pissed off that a song I love has become so commercialized but still finding myself dancing my seat so maybe it doesn’t matter.

Because the thing is I am working on being like Barry, writing the songs that make the whole world sing except my words are read and not sung.

The simple goal is to figure out how to craft compelling content that creates a community and a desire to communicate with others. It is the desire to recreate the feeling you get at a concert that makes you want to get up and dance. That moment where you lose yourself in the moment and the music.

In sex it is that time where you can’t figure out where you start and your partner ends. In a book it is that time where you wish you could step inside the book and talk to the characters or that wish to call the author and tell them you have to talk to them about their words.

That is what I hope to create, the feeling, the vibe, the moment, the mood and the community.

Go To Sleep Jack

Really this isn’t doesn’t have to be written or shared now. Ask the experts and they’ll tell you to always provide content that is sharable, wearable, smellable and all sorts of other ‘ables too.

They’ll tell you not to use the crazy headlines or to be as bad about responding to comments and engaging with others as I have been. They’ll tell you that you shouldn’t be negative and that the original headline about how I want to write a headline that offends everyone is dangerous because sometimes the edge isn’t funny.

And maybe it is isn’t. Maybe I shouldn’t write about sexual conquests or suggest that a restaurant called Fellatio Fred’s Farm House would be very successful.

But some of this comes out because I use this joint as a virtual sandbox and because I vent and let off steam here.

I don’t mind screwing around a bit because sometimes the really obnoxious and stupid sounding ideas turn out to be golden. You never know which post is going to blow up and go viral.

Some of the best stuff I have written is never read nor appreciated and some of the worst is lauded as amazing.

Who knows how it all works.

Got five more minutes to ramble, babble and share these last few thoughts. Love Bruce. Couldn’t decide whether just to feature I’m On Fire or to include Tunnel of Love. Thought about Streets of Philadelphia and shook my head.

Been thinking about my uncle, dad’s little brother and how much he has missed. Been thinking about how he died when he was only a few years older than I am now and how bizarre that feels to me now.

Wonder what life would have been like for him now. He was gay and I didn’t care, loved him just the same.

Miss him sometimes because he is a connection to a past and part of the family that has changed dramatically. He is gone and so is my grandfather and my other uncle. The men on that side have been whittled down to my dad, me and my son.

His being gay is really immaterial, what I wonder about sometimes where the similarities between my grandfather, dad him and of course, me.

What is genetic? What sort of habits are learned?

I was almost 25 when he died so somethings I know because I had begun to ask these questions and others are just lost forever.

One More Reminder

It is one more reminder to me to live now, to live today and to be present. It is fun to look at the past and think about the future but today is what I have got for certain. So I think about it all and figure out how to make it all fit together.

I think about the stories and creating and think of my uncle and wonder about it from a different perspective. He was a jeweler so he was a creator as I am and I wonder what sort of creative process he went through.

And then I look at the clock and remember that pushing harder is only part of success, working smarter is important too and if you are too tired to see clearly it is time to say goodnight.

Don’t tell my kids but a few years ago our fish died while we were on vacation. Since I was already a wily veteran with some years of parenting experience I had the fish “replaced” by the friend who was watching our house.

When we returned home the kids were thrilled to see how the fish had grown. One day years from now when we do that thing that families do and they try to tell me about all the things they think they fooled me about I am going to tell that story and then shout “Dad Rules!”

Now that they are older these rug rats have become aware of their father’s penchant for mischief and monkey business so I have had to work a bit harder to fool them, but that is ok because part of being a parent is convincing them that we know more than they do even when we might not.

Father’s Day Giveaway

Technically I am supposed to notify you that I have been compensated to to write this post and that one lucky reader is going to receive a $50 Amazon gift card.  So let’s get the details out of the way.

If you want to have a shot at winning you need to leave a comment with your favorite Father’s Day Memory. As always you may feel free to write a ballad singing my praises but remember the chick from cleveland reads these and you don’t want to upset her by going too crazy.

Really, everyone knows that anyone who can survive the burning river is ridiculously tough.  Trust me, I know things.

Father’s Day Memories

I am trying to decide if I have one Father’s Day that sticks out above all others. I have a few as a kid that make me smile. I remember hanging outside with my dad and grandfathers and feeling a bit like a big shot.

But the moment I really felt like I was the real deal was one when my son was almost 6 months old. It was my first official Father’s Day. I can’t tell you exactly what we did but I remember being with my dad and grandfathers, my son held in one arm.

The “older men” were staring at him, smiling and pride was radiating from all of their faces. I remember looking at the three of them and wondering what they saw and what they knew that I didn’t…yet.

And I remember a time a few years ago where my kids served me breakfast in bed. The excitement and pride on their faces is something I won’t forget.

I am pretty easy about this kind of stuff. I don’t need a big fuss made over me and I don’t care if they get me gifts or not. That is not to say that I don’t appreciate or want them because a gift is always nice.

Where Do You Find Good Gifts?

I suppose you can blame my father for my attitude about Father’s Day gifts. I remember wanting to get him something nice yet hating the need to be dragged around the mall. I am still not a huge fan of having to run the gauntlet there either.

But we do have resources now that didn’t exist when I was a wee lad.

Amazon has become one of my favorite places to shop and not because you can run through the store while naked. How is that for an image you didn’t want/need/ 😉

Seriously, I like it because the selection is ridiculously large and easy to deal with. I don’t have to go crazy being dragged through a mall and deal with all of the mishegoss that comes with it.

What I like even better is the opportunity to use a Coupon to get a better break on the things I buy on Amazon. If I am going to spend some cash there anyway there is no reason not to try to save a buck.

And that my friends is the lead in to my reminder, you can get a shot at winning a $50 Amazon gift card by simply leaving a comment with your favorite Father’s Day memory.

As an optional entry you can also leave a comment and tell me what your favorite Amazon coupon code is.

What are you waiting for? Leave a comment. Tell a friend to swing by. Have fun, go wild and I’ll see you in the comment section. And if you are so inclined feel free to become a fan of my Facebook page.

The title of this shot is I’m open for you. It is both interesting and appropriate for the moment.

I took big chunk of work home this evening and tried to take care of that and respond to questions a dear friend had for me. Intermixed with all this I called a friend to express my condolences at the death of his father-in-law and spoke to my children several different times.

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say I was juggling multiple things and multiple people. Nor would it be wrong to say that my friend and I managed to aggravate each other. If you asked me for a simple explanation I would say it was because we talked past each other and didn’t hear what the other said.

Can You Deliver A Heartfelt Apology While Juggling?

The answer is probably no. You can’t focus on the person and tell them you are sorry when you are doing multiple things at once.

If I could I would look them in the eye right now and say I am sorry that I upset them and would hope they would take two things from it:

1. My sincerity.
2. My growth.

Here is the deal, I don’t like apologizing, I never have. It is not necessarily something I am good at, but I have been working at it. So I would hope they would recognize that I am not apologizing just to do so nor am I asking that they recognize my “growth” because I am asking for “points or anything like that.

It is more of a comment in some ways that many things have changed in a lot of areas on both sides and many of them are quite good.

And from a different angle my growth has made it easier for me to apologize without feeling like I am being wronged in the process. It might sound juvenile but part of why I didn’t like apologizing was I hated being made to feel like I had to do so to move on when I felt like I hadn’t done anything wrong.

What About This Time?

This time they asked for information from me and I didn’t feel like I could give it to them easily so I asked to do things in a slightly different way. And then as talked past each other and grew irritated I lost sight of an opportunity.

You see if I hadn’t been juggling I would have figured out how to provide more of answer that they would have found satisfying. But because I was juggling I saw things in a more linear perspective and felt like I wouldn’t be able to explain things the way I wanted to.

The funny thing about this is that I very much want to tell them the entire story. I want them to hear all of the details so this is not a matter of my trying to be difficult, insouciant or anything other than forthcoming.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line or net result is really case of good intentions gone awry. It turned what had been a very pleasant exchange into something annoying for both of us. So this is me saying I am sorry for that.

I’ll take responsibility for this time and for what happened. I would prefer to apologize in person, but that is not possible at the moment so this is what I have got.

I am sorry.

 

This is stream of consciousness writing and yes that is me in the picture above. I won’t tell you how it connects to this post because you probably won’t be able to follow my train of thought or maybe that is because I am not sure how to explain it clearly.

All I can do is ask you to walk with me on this journey for as short or as long as you wish and we’ll see how and where it goes.

Musical Accompaniment

• Come Talk To Me– Peter Gabriel
• The Wall – Roger Waters – Mother(Sinéad O’Connor)+Goodbye Blue Sky(Joni Mitchell) live Berlin 1990
• Happy– Bruce Springsteen
• Brilliant Disguise-Bruce Springsteen
• As Time Goes By

Dear Grandma,

Today is your 99th birthday and I am still surprised you aren’t here to celebrate it with us. You died on my wedding anniversary, three years ago.

I have written about it before and shared stories about the days before and after you left us. Grandpa died a week before Melissa’s wedding and it was because you weren’t there.

That is not a condemnation, I am not angry or upset with you and if I was grandpa would come back from the dead for me. You know that every woman would want to be loved the way he loved you, 76 years of marriage, a testament and  a miracle.

But when I say I am surprised you aren’t here it is because you were a powerhouse of energy. Your daughters, grandchildren and all who knew you well can attest to that. We should all have the kind of energy you had in your eighties and early nineties.

There is no doubt in my mind that if your eyes hadn’t gone you would have made it many years longer than you did.

Your heart gave out but I think that your inability to see had something to with it.

And we move on

Posts that Are Tied into This

• He Died A Hero
• How To Be A Man
• Grandpa
• The Story Of A House- The Final Days

When I think about my grandparents and what I learned there are a million different stories that I could share with you. They were among the most colorful and interesting people I know and I learned much about life from them.

It is no secret that I miss them and I always will. The most important people in your life never go away, even when they aren’t around. You might not be able to talk to them in the same way but you hear the whispers of their voices and remember.

A Question of Dignity

One day soon I am going to have a conversation with my children about something that happened at one of the garage sales we had before we sold our old house. My daughter definitely won’t remember this moment and I am fairly certain that my son has forgotten as well but I am going to remind them because it is important.

A homeless man wandered into our yard and started looking at the items we had for sale. He flipped through some books, bags and toys and came to a stop at a pile of my shoes.

I watched him flip through them and settle on a pair of brown loafers.

He walked over to me and asked me how much they were and I told them they were a couple of bucks. He nodded his head, pulled out his wallet, handed me some cash and walked away.

I could have given him the shoes for nothing. I could have offered him a bunch of things, but he didn’t ask for a handout. He asked how much they were and I gave him a price because it was a question of dignity.

He wanted to pay and I saw no reason or purpose to take that from him.

My children need to hear that story again not because it makes their father look like a good guy but because I want them to remember the importance of treating people with dignity, especially those who can’t command it the way others can.

People shouldn’t have to command it, but I live in the real world where I see lots of examples of the poor way we treat the homeless and the mentally ill.

Time To Exercise

Grandma, it is 9:30 on Saturday night and I am going to stop writing about you and sharing these thoughts because I need to go hit the treadmill.

You would approve and appreciate that. You didn’t stop exercising until the final days of your life and I will do no less.

I only wish you and the rest of the crew were around. I wish you could see your great grandchildren and that we could talk about things. I wish I could tell you about my life now and listen to your stories again.

You were much quieter than grandpa but ever so sharp. The people that didn’t take the time to learn from you missed out. You would never have said that, so I’ll say it for you.

So long for now.

Have you ever had a conversation where you felt like you spent the majority of your time fighting to get a word in edgewise? My guess is that more than a few people can relate to this and the frustration it causes.

A conversation isn’t supposed to be a monologue.

It is supposed to involve more than one person in the discussion but sometimes that doesn’t happen. Should you ever have the occasion to have said conversation with me please understand that if you dominate the entire thing and show no interest in my thoughts I am going to day dream about shoving something large inside your gaping maw so that I can take my turn at the jibber-jabber.

Your 187th favorite curmudgeon is tired of these battles. He is tired of feeling like the other person doesn’t care about his thoughts or opinion which is why he sometimes just ends the conversation and walks away. Or if that is not possible he gets lost in thought about shoving the aforementioned large object into the other person’s mouth.

Two Ears and One Mouth

There is a reason why we have two ears and just one mouth– it is to listen twice as much as we speak.

Ok, I am not the first person to say that nor will I be the last but it is worth remembering.  If you want to tie it into social media you can think about whether your are using the various platforms you are for engagement or for broadcast.

If all you do is broadcast you are missing out on a tremendous opportunity to meet people. If you are broadcasting for business you are really blowing an opportunity to engage with prospects and existing customers.

I have been making an effort to police my own talking habits too. There is no purpose or point in climbing up on a soapbox to complain about these things unless I hold myself to the same standards.

So I am working to be conscious of these things and to make a point to do more than ask people how they are doing. If I ask I listen to their response. It drives me crazy when people ask me how I am and then ignore my response.

If you don’t want to know than don’t ask. It is fine with me to say hi and leave it at that, but to ask and ignore is obnoxious.

I have also noticed that your 187th favorite curmudgeon is growing less interested in small talk and is often more interested in silence and referring to himself in the third person, twice removed.

Don’t bother trying to figure out what the third person twice removed is, this is what happens when I do higher math after midnight.

On a serious note, I really do dislike discussions with people in which I have to fight to get a chance to speak. It is obnoxious.

But some people are so enamored with the sound of their own voice they can’t seem to shut their mouths long enough to listen and hear what others are saying.