Santa Claus Doesn’t Eat Children

English: Krampus at Perchtenlauf Klagenfurt
English: Krampus at Perchtenlauf Klagenfurt (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some of you might wonder why a Jewish kid like myself would write about Santa. It is not because I once beat him to a bloody pulp or that I once wished death upon him either.

No, in this case it is because I learned that the man has a sort of arch nemesis that I never knew about and it is not the Martians. The fat man on the sleigh has a monster called the Krampus that eats bad kids.

Who knew.

I have got to get in touch with Santa’s PR team and tell them that they are missing out on a tremendous opportunity to make the man look even better. Really, they could turn this whole naughty and nice thing into something much more interesting. Now I am not a Don Draper kind of guy. My tagline of  “I may be fat but I don’t eat children” probably won’t see the light of day.

But if they move quickly they can probably come up with something catchy and make this into something really groovy. Take a look at the video of the Krampus and tell me that there isn’t real potential for something cool. Maybe Santa takes on the Krampus and the Evil Elf on the Shelf.

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  • Ellie

    Santa Claus and Christmas will just never be the same again for me ;)


  • Livefyre

    @TheJackB Thanks for the heads up on that. We’ll pass this to our dev team for further investigation and keep you posted in the meantime.

    • TheJackB

      @livefyre Thanks. That is not the only post like that, but maybe it is a uniform issue. Anyway, thank you again for your help.

  • Kate Shrewsday

    Well, now, that’s what I call common sense. It’s all very well rewarding our good kids with positive reinforcement, but in this day and ago one really needs a terrifying apparition to scare the bejeezers out of the little blighters who don’t tow the line. I’m now thinking of hiring Krampus for a really alternative Christmas.

    • TheJackB

      @Kate Shrewsday If I wasn’t Jewish I might hire the Krampus too. Sort of an interesting idea.

  • Late_Bloomers

    The good guys always have handimen to do their dirty work. I am wary of anybody wearing a costume or mask, and I cannot understand why adults should want to scare the shit out of children, do you?

    • TheJackB

      @Late_Bloomers I understand a “simple” scare but this does seem a bit extreme.

  • Ethel

    ok i just show the video to my niece and nephew, they were both scared! lol

  • seattledad

    Doesn’t Santa have a Machine Gun bolted to the side of his sleigh for taking those bad boys out?

    • Jack

      Sure. There is a reason that Rudolph has a red nose- it activates the bazooka. ;)

  • TechyDad

    Santa has avoided me ever since, as a boy, I told my father to light a fire in our fireplace in case Santa mistook our Jewish household for one that celebrated Christmas.

    • Jack

      That is funny. I like it.Smear the chimney with the smell of cookies and turn up the fire. ;)

  • Kaarina Dillabough

    OK, this officially creeped me out Jack. I am now going into my living room and hugging all my Santas. Yes…I’m a Santa lover. Do not send Krampus my way:) Cheers! Kaarina

    • Jack


      Further research shows that surrounding yourself with Santa only attracts the Krampus.

      They are twins.

  • Absence of Alternatives

    And they should all participate in the Annual Santa Speedo Run in Boston!

    There was a YouTube video being sent around last year of an evil Santa, have you seen it?

    • Jack

      I don’t think that I have seen the video or that I was aware of the Speedo run. That sounds like it could be quite the spectacle.

  • rebecca

    I love your opening paragraph. Grabber. The video? Well, I’ve seen some kids pretty frightened by the man in the red suit…this theme music didn’t seem to be playing all the while. But maybe Mama’s Kissing Santa Claus is pretty scary.

    Thanks for stopping by to chat about Kristen’s December Dilema.

    • Jack

      That man in the red suit has led to some great pix. Every year I see a few online that make me wonder who if visiting him is supposed to be a treat or punishment. ;)

  • Anne (

    That video is messed up. And funny.

    • Jack

      That parade looks like it could be a lot of fun.

  • Tracie

    I would be a huge fan of anyone who takes out the elf on the shelf. Those things scare me!

    • Jack

      I am with you. Those things are like Chucky.