Santa Claus Doesn’t Eat Children

English: Krampus at Perchtenlauf Klagenfurt

English: Krampus at Perchtenlauf Klagenfurt (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some of you might wonder why a Jewish kid like myself would write about Santa. It is not because I once beat him to a bloody pulp or that I once wished death upon him either.

No, in this case it is because I learned that the man has a sort of arch nemesis that I never knew about and it is not the Martians. The fat man on the sleigh has a monster called the Krampus that eats bad kids.

Who knew.

I have got to get in touch with Santa’s PR team and tell them that they are missing out on a tremendous opportunity to make the man look even better. Really, they could turn this whole naughty and nice thing into something much more interesting. Now I am not a Don Draper kind of guy. My tagline of Β “I may be fat but I don’t eat children” probably won’t see the light of day.

But if they move quickly they can probably come up with something catchy and make this into something really groovy. Take a look at the video of the Krampus and tell me that there isn’t real potential for something cool. Maybe Santa takes on the Krampus and the Evil Elf on the Shelf.


  1. Ellie December 25, 2011 at 6:05 am

    Santa Claus and Christmas will just never be the same again for me πŸ˜‰


  2. Livefyre December 17, 2011 at 11:42 am

    @TheJackB Thanks for the heads up on that. We’ll pass this to our dev team for further investigation and keep you posted in the meantime.

  3. Kate Shrewsday December 17, 2011 at 6:45 am

    Well, now, that’s what I call common sense. It’s all very well rewarding our good kids with positive reinforcement, but in this day and ago one really needs a terrifying apparition to scare the bejeezers out of the little blighters who don’t tow the line. I’m now thinking of hiring Krampus for a really alternative Christmas.

  4. Late_Bloomers December 16, 2011 at 3:13 am

    The good guys always have handimen to do their dirty work. I am wary of anybody wearing a costume or mask, and I cannot understand why adults should want to scare the shit out of children, do you?

  5. Ethel December 15, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    ok i just show the video to my niece and nephew, they were both scared! lol

  6. seattledad December 15, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Doesn’t Santa have a Machine Gun bolted to the side of his sleigh for taking those bad boys out?

  7. TechyDad December 15, 2011 at 11:43 am

    Santa has avoided me ever since, as a boy, I told my father to light a fire in our fireplace in case Santa mistook our Jewish household for one that celebrated Christmas.

  8. Kaarina Dillabough December 15, 2011 at 5:58 am

    OK, this officially creeped me out Jack. I am now going into my living room and hugging all my Santas. Yes…I’m a Santa lover. Do not send Krampus my way:) Cheers! Kaarina

  9. Absence of Alternatives December 14, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    And they should all participate in the Annual Santa Speedo Run in Boston!

    There was a YouTube video being sent around last year of an evil Santa, have you seen it?

  10. rebecca December 14, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    I love your opening paragraph. Grabber. The video? Well, I’ve seen some kids pretty frightened by the man in the red suit…this theme music didn’t seem to be playing all the while. But maybe Mama’s Kissing Santa Claus is pretty scary.

    Thanks for stopping by to chat about Kristen’s December Dilema.

    • Jack December 15, 2011 at 9:08 am

      That man in the red suit has led to some great pix. Every year I see a few online that make me wonder who if visiting him is supposed to be a treat or punishment. πŸ˜‰

  11. Anne ( December 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    That video is messed up. And funny.

  12. Tracie December 14, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    I would be a huge fan of anyone who takes out the elf on the shelf. Those things scare me!

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