I was surprised to wake up and discover I am not hung over.
It is not unusual to catch me with a drink but to wake up the Sunday morning after having had many isn’t something that happens with any regularity.
Twenty-five years or more ago I wouldn’t have been able to say I can’t remember the last time I got drunk because it would have been recent.
Not because I had a drinking problem but because I was a single guy and it wasn’t unusual for us to out drinking.
The funny thing about that last sentence is how I added it to make sure you didn’t think poorly of me because this post is about dishonest bloggers.
It is about how we sanitize our posts and our Facebook updates to show a life we aren’t really living.
A Blogosphere Filled With Dishonest Bloggers
You know why I drank so much last night?
Because I got news that set me off, stuff of the personal kind and I figured WTF.
At the moment I live by myself and don’t have to worry Sunday responsibilities in the same way others do.
My To-Do list isn’t monitored by anyone but me, so I can get around to laundry, cleaning and grocery shopping whenever it suits me.
So I said what the hell and opened up the home bar and enjoyed myself.
It illustrated one of the other differences between now and then because these days I drink the “good stuff.”
It is not the most expensive, “top-of-the-line” booze you can buy but it is not cheap either.
Categorize it as “I earned the right to treat myself sometimes” and I will enjoy it.
Boundaries & Honesty
I want to write about what is going on without any regard for potential consequences, but not because I am angry but because I am scared.
It is not the sort of fear that paralyzes you but it is the kind of thing that keeps you up at night and makes you think “what if.”
Boundaries prevent me from doing so and that sort of makes me smile.
Because a man like me pushes the envelope and tests the limits.
When I see signs that say do not trespass or do not touch I want to do the very opposite of what I have been told.
I want to find out what happens and why. I want to know if there is a good reason for being told not to do something or if it is just another arbitrary exercise in authority.
Except this boundary is tied into others and crosses lines I choose not to pass, but I wish I could.
Because part of the purpose of writing is to identify and understand. It is to ask for the collective wisdom of others because I know this challenge isn’t something that is limited to me.
I know others have experienced it and I want to hear how they managed it.
Yet things are not so bad that I am willing to cross the lines and damn the consequences…not yet.
I hope they never will be and that this will always be a post that helped take the edge off.
This is the place I never expected to find and won’t ever be comfortable living in. The spot that won’t ever let me exhale and take full breaths.
It is not about turning what I fear into something within my comfort zone because comfort with this isn’t something that anyone should have.
Good Attitude Meet My Boot
Someone told me I need to remember to have a good attitude and I asked them if they wanted my size 12 boot in their ass.
My attitude is fine.
I don’t know enough about this particular situation to say it is going to lead to a very bad conclusion which is why I am not panicked.
But I also know bad things can happen to good people and that life isn’t fair.
I am rooting for this to end up somewhere in between all of that. It is certainly set up in a way that would allow for it and if things fall into place there will come a time when this is just another story we tell.
It is not impossible or unlikely for that to happen, but I can’t listen to stupid comments like have a good attitude.
Hope is not a strategy or a tactic.
I want more information so that we can develop a plan and the lack of that is what is truly grinding at me because not knowing leaves me wondering.
My imagination is exceptional and sometimes that can be an asset, but it can also be a challenge.
I stood under a cloudy sky and looked for stars and thought about how very lucky I have been and how much life I have lived.
Tried to melt the clouds with a hard glare because I knew the answer I want and need is out there but the clouds didn’t break and the angels didn’t find me.
Wandered around for a few minutes and swore I heard someone say “this won’t break you” and smiled because it won’t.
But it is knocking chips and pieces off of me and that is impossible to ignore.
Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart.