Not unlike anyone else I have my share of stories of bad dates. There are multiple reasons why some of these dates were bad. Sometimes it was bad luck, sometimes it was bad chemistry and sometimes it was just stupidity on my part and or theirs.
So I have decided to go into the vault and share some of these stories with you. I am going to start with one that sounds like a bad movie, but really happened to me.
When I was 20 I was trying to get over the girlfriend of the prior year, she who had been with me the night the bear interrupted our moment. It was a bad breakup, I had been very much in love with her and was miserable without her. I felt a bit like an empty shell and I searched for ways to make myself feel better.
In the course of trying to come across the next Ms. Jack I dated many different women. I met a girl in one of my classes and we began to see each other. It started out very innocently, we went to dinner and a movie and kissed a little afterwards. And thus ended the first date.
We met later that week for lunch, laughed a little and kissed a little. And thus ended the second date.
Saturday night came and we went out to a local bar and got some drinks. Date’s roommate showed up in said bar and ends up hanging out with us a little while waiting for her friends to show up. Her friends don’t show and my date asks if I mind if the roommate hangs out for the rest of the evening. I don’t have any problem with this and say sure.
The next few hours are fun, the three of us shoot pool, laugh, do shots and enjoy ourselves.
A little after midnight I walk the girls back to their apartment and am invited up for Irish Coffee. I go up, we sit around drinking coffee and talking. My date offers to let me spend the night because she doesn’t want me to drive. I am a 20 year-old man who has just spent the last couple of hours drinking, when the lady offers I gladly accept.
Here is where things get a little weird.
Roommate disappears into a different room. Date and I begin to fool around a little bit more. She heads to the bedroom while I hit the bathroom. Dysfunctional digestive system is acting up, I am concerned that I may be in there for a little bit. Date checks on me, tells me that when I come out I should just come into the bedroom.
Time passes and my stomach feels better, I spend a few minutes searching for a way to hide the evidence of my stay in the bathroom. I find tampons, makeup, hair products, perfume, birth control pills and other signs of women, but no air freshener or spray that I can use. I open the window and wave a towel around still trying to hide the evidence.
A short time later I walk out of the bathroom and head into the bedroom. It is dark and I can see someone in bed. I take pants, shirt and shoes off and gingerly climb into bed. My stomach feels better, but I am a little nervous and a little excited.
I reach for her and pull her into me. We spoon for a moment or two and then I roll on top of her and we start getting more active. She whispers that I should be quiet because the roommate is a light sleeper. I nod my head and she rolls me onto my back. She is kissing my mouth, my neck and is now working her way down my body. I feel an electric charge run through me and fight the urge to grab her head.
She pulls my shorts off and now my desire is met with a feeling of triumph. This is amazing, she is amazing, what is she doing with her tongue and my lord if my back arches anymore it will break. I am on fire and she knows it.
Finally things come to their conclusion and I collapse on the bed, spent, but happy. She curls up next to me and puts her head on my chest. I thank her and she thanks me. And then I realize that something is very very wrong. The voice is not right, the body feels a little bit different.
“Kelly, is that you?”
“Yes, Jack, it is.”
My mind is racing, what the hell happened. How did I end up with her, what about my date, how do I explain this, what do I do, blah, blah, blah, oh my lord I am lost.
“Kelly, what is going on?”
“Jack, you walked into my bedroom.”
“Kelly, it was dark and tonight is my first time here. Why didn’t you say something?”
“Stephanie is passed out in her room. She fell asleep waiting for you to get out of the bathroom.”
“But why did you just do all that with me? What am I supposed to say?”
“In 11th grade Stephanie kissed my boyfriend, I owed her.
My head was spinning. Did I just hear that? Was I a conquest? Was I a “Revenge Blow Job?”
I gathered my clothes and got dressed. I debated whether to wake Stephanie up or whether to leave a note. I was angry, in truth not real angry, but definitely confused.
As I began to leave Kelly asked me not to leave, said that I should spend the night, that I could stay in bed with her. I grunted and grabbed a bottle of water and walked out into the Winter night. It was cold and I knew that I needed to wait a little bit longer before I could drive.
I wandered to my car, turned on the heater and dozed for a while before I drove home.
Was it a traditional bad date? Well, in some respects, no it was not. I can’t say that I didn’t enjoy myself. But I did like Stephanie and I had been interested in seeing where things went, but that night left a bad taste in my mouth and it colored my thoughts.
I came to learn that Stephanie and Kelly were friends from home, not best friends, but friends with a big rivalry between the two of them. I wasn’t interested in being the prize and unwilling to put up with any more drama, so my brief spell with Stephanie blew up and ended.
I don’t think about this real often, but I have wondered from time to time if I am the punchline in some story they tell. It doesn’t really matter, but I am curious about it.